That is so frustrating and hurtful to hear those words from a parent. I got the same crap from my mother. When I told her what my brother did she told me to shut up ...she didn't want to hear it. Sometimes we just have to find validation and support from people other than family. I have been in a place where I wasn't functioning, unable to work so I was living at home. Fight hard for your independence. Home can be toxic. Get into counseling if you can. keep coming here and reaching out.

Hi Star755. Welcome back. I'm sorry your mother told you to "just forget what happened to you". It's been my experience that forgetting about it is not as easy as people think. It's also my feeling that people say this to us because they don't know what to do to help us.

I also believe that time does not heal all wounds. My abuse happened when I was 7-12. I started healing from the abuse when I was 44, which is when I actually remembered that I was abused. I am now 46 and am still healing.

Have you seen a therapist about this? I couldn't have done it without the help of a therapist and the wonderful people on this forum. Or maybe you have a close friend who you can talk to? Talking does help so if you don't have someone you can talk to at home and you can't do therapy right now, please keep talking to us here on DS. We love to help and we want to see you heal.

You deserve to heal from this horrible trauma - no matter how long ago it was. You also deserve to sleep soundly, without crying yourself to sleep.

Take care of yourself,
LuckyEmpath

Hi thanks for the replys I am just sick of this big dirty little secret that I feel I have to keep I mean my parents didn't believe me when I tried to tell them they both just told me to shut up and don't say it again so I have kept quiet for years, but lately it has been eating away at me that I really don't know what to do I want to talk to my best friend about it but I am scared of not being believed I don't really now what to do its killing me.

It's really hard to decide who and when to tell. And it's awful
When someone close to you doesn't support you when you share. I would recommend a therapist also. That way you have a supportive person in your corner yo lean on while you are going through this. I'm hoping that you get the support you need and deserve.

Hi I've made appointments for counselling before but on the day before I am supposed to go I make an excuse why i cant go I do write down what I am feeling but its getting to a stage where writing about it is getting me nowhere I just wish I could forget what happen to me just for a day but its no good I am stuck feeling so lost and alone and dirty, ashamed because of what he did to me I just keep on thinking people would be better off without me.

I'm so sorry you feel this way. All the feelings that you have, have been felt by many, if not all, people who have been sexually abused. Many times the abuser told us things that made us feel these feelings, and because we were children, we believed them. But they were not true. One thing abusers are masters at, is lying. They lie about everything.

I also wanted to forget everything, but unfortunately that is not possible. I have found that the only way to heal from trauma, is to face it and move through it.

Do you know why you always cancel with a therapist?

Please keep talking to us. There are many caring people on this forum who I think would love to help you heal.

Take care

I don't know really I guess I just dont want be judged by somebody I don't know also and I am scared of not being believed

I thought it may have to do with being judged but didn't want to make that assumption.

It's my feeling that when you are ready to heal from the abuse, you will go to a therapist even if it means you will be judged. I have had good luck with therapists over the years and have not been judged by any of them. I've been judged by my family but not by therapists. I couldn't have healed without my current therapist. She is a Godsend.

I hope you find a therapist who can help you and who doesn't judge you. You could start by finding a therapist who specializes in childhood sexual abuse. If you do, the chances are good they will not judge you.

In the meantime, please keep talking to us here on DS.

Take care

Hi thanks for being there I am so sick of not being able to talk about what I am feeling in the real world, but it helps me to know that you guys are here and I can you guys how. I am feeling which is not very good at the moment. It's just sometimes it's me like a wave that you try to get away from but you don't you can't. I do write a lot about what I am feeling since the abuse first started and that helped a bit unilil I tried telling my parents and they didn't believe that there friend could be capable of doing that so ever since that I have kept quiet anyway thanks again,

She is like that cuz she doesnt want to believe this happened to her child so she is trying to make it go away. You get help for yourself then get mum involved things will then fall into place but its a time thing. Need to talk Im here.

I know that's why she's being the way she is but it doesn't help me that she doesn't understand what I am going through so she just tells me to forget about it as it was such a long time ago I wish it was that easy, but to me it feels like yesterday I wish I could talk to her about it but what's the point she doesn't want to believe me I just don't know what to do.

I also have trust issues because of the abuse like it takes me ages to make new friends and for me trusting males is inpossible I find it very differcult because of what I have been through it makes me sick. U am so tired of feeling so ashamed and dirty because my body let me down and responded to his touch even though I was so scared of what he was doing to me and my parents were downstairs the first time it happen I wish I called out but I was so terrified that I couldn't speak and he told me it was our little secret and noone would believe me and every body would think I was dirty but I was so scared an still am that I kept quiet for years.

I also had a difficult time coming to terms with the fact that my body reacted to the abuse. But, in the words of my therapist, our bodies are designed to react to certain touch. Our bodies did exactly what they were supposed to do - it's just really unfortunate it was with abuse instead of with a loving caring person.

I was also threatened (most are) to keep quiet. I was threatened with more pain and I was told that no one would believe me. I was so terrified of the pain that I never said a word. Eventually I even hid it from myself by blocking it out for 30 years.

Trust is definitely something people have to earn from me now. I've handed out trust too quickly and been burned. Not any more. Everyone has to prove themselves trustworthy to me now.

Take care. Keep chatting with us. We are here for you.

I just feel so ashamed and dirty about what my abuser did to me. For the last couple of days I had this black flounder hanging over me because of hat happen to me I'm just so ashamed about what happen I'm so tired but. I'm so scared to go the bad because of the nightmares I've had the last couple if days

I understand that sleep is troublesome. I also had this issue, and still do on occasion. I apologize for asking this again, but are you seeing a therapist? A good therapist can help you sort out all the feelings you are having and will validate them.

Much of the time the shame comes because we blame ourselves from what happened. We either think it was our fault or that we could have done something to prevent it. Once you get to a point where you know deep in you heart that you are not at fault (which you are not) the shame goes away. But you need to get there. I know it's a hard road to travel but it's very rewarding when you reach the end.