Hi, I read in between the lines that what you are looking for is a safe space and a connection with someone who knows your story and will not hurt you. Someone emphatic.
How about writing to her but not sending it in a notebook with the title - I am my own best friend and expressing yourself freely and then maybe discussing it in the meetings with her. You can establish a stronger connection with yourself and will not have to quit therapy.

I am sorry that your therapist has stopped replying to you - that is very hurtful. But before you assume she is not answering you because she wants you to be more independent...please talk to her about it. Find out the truth from her and then maybe work out a time when you CAN email her and she will respond. It could be a certain day of the week or maybe only if a certain circumstance happens to you or when you are in crisis and then have her define what a crisis is.

Wanting to leave her is a knee-jerk reaction that I don't feel will resolve any issues for you or her. She is approaching this situation incorrectly and should know better than to avoid talking to you about what is going on (a sign she has some of her own healing to do btw).

Please talk to her and work something out that you can both agree on and feel comfortable with. Running away will not help you and her avoiding the issue is not helping either of you. Please talk to her.

I agree with LE there is some transferance going on here with your therapist that she is not dealing with very well. it was unfair to set the bar with initiallly replying to your emails and then stopping causing you hurt. she should know better. I also think that rather than 'throw the baby out with the bath water' you would be better served talking to her about it and maybe set some boundaries which suit both of you and doesn't wreck a good therapeutic relationship. good luck with it and big hugs.

Well my hope was that we could work through this with boundaries in place. However my honesty seems to have had the opposite effect and we are now having a 3 month break. I am completely devastated and can't stop crying. Really don't know what to do or where to go from here.

What did you tell her?

my heart goes out to you. did she just leave it like that or refer you to someone else for interim care? sounds so irresponsible if she just left you alone? do you know anyone who could refer you to a good pdoc that you could interview first to see if you're a good fit. remember they work for you. you pay the bills. the most important person in the therapeutic relationship is you and the fact that your needs must be met. sending you some positive/healing energy and i hope you find the right fit for you asap. hugs.

This woman clearly has issues of her own that she has not dealt with. It is even possible that something you talked about from your past triggered her and her first reaction was to push you away.

If she is working in a practice with other therapists I would urge you to tell her supervisor what happened or the therapist who is in charge in that office. If she is acting this unprofessional with you she is likely doing it with others as well.

Please find another therapist. Do not go back to her. She has shown that she can not be there for you and you need a therapist who is there for you at the moment you need them.

I am very sorry this happened. Especially after 3 years of working with her. Shame on her.

She is actually a really good counsellor. The issue was me dissociating whilst trying to talk about memories, she doesn't think it's safe for me to be in therapy until I can regulate myself for which she has gave me the tools I just need to use them. I am heartbroken though as I feel all this came about because of my reliance and yes I struggle to talk sometimes but my heart aches too, have always been so honest with her and trusted her implicitly and felt that was the way forward

She's in private practice. Her suggestion was a 3 month break for me to work on myself.

Does she have experience in working with survivors of abuse?
I feel there is no integrity in what she told you.
This is not about the dissociation which should be worked in therapy and not alone out of therapy.
I have been to so many therapists till I found one who is qualified to deal with trauma from abuse.
Mine sent me to do yoga before coming back to therapy with her because she told me I might become reliant on the therapy.
I think it's time to move to someone else with the right qualifications.

Wow. If my therapist had kicked me to the curb for dissociating....I would never have had a therapist.

It is normal that you will dissociate during a session and it is up to her to keep you in the present - not tell you that you need to be on your own with no help or support for 3 months. Does she believe that you will not dissociate while on your own? Or in 3 months when you return you will miraculously have healed so much that you will no longer dissociate?

This makes no sense. Please look for another therapist.

Think her thought is that if I practice mindfulness rigidly that i will be able to regulate my own feelings and be on a level for counselling. Feel very hurt, scared and disappointed. Feel like I've been rejected for being honest with her. Left with so much by myself. Everything feels very confusing and I'm questioning everything.

Please search for another therapist who is QUALIFIED TO DEAL WITH SEXUAL ABUSE SURVIVORS. There are centers for women who provide that counselling for free.

She is qualified used to work for a rape crisis centre.

Wow, I am speechless. When an unqualified therapist told me to stop therapy with her and work on myself through yoga. I got it. But somebody who understands rape and sexual abuse?
Take care of yourself and leave her to take care of herself, because she cannot help you, but not because of you. Things just don't add up.