really as i said this has nothing to do with that other post just the set of words
that were in it triggered this

i agree with other post

alantm,

I am sorry that you were offended by a statement made. It is not right for anyone to insinuate that because we are abused that we will become a abuser.

The only time that happens is when someone choices that path. As an adult we learn that what happened to us was not our fault and we usually seek couseling to heal from this abuse.

As far as when does the sh*t stop, is when ingnorant people don't give an opinion.

Just remember there are many of us that are here to help you and to support you.

You are not a bad seed, none of us are that have been abused. We were victims that were taken advantage of by others and we have the choice in which path we will choose, evil or good.

I will bump a post I posted awhile back about Evil-vs-Good!

Hugs to you and I am here if you need someone to talk to !! Hugs!!!

im not ofended by the statement made
noooooo not that

it upset me thats all


why
it prays on the thought that
i am damaged after all
peopel say that this happens
maybe some how in some cases some how it does ?
i dont want the thought of this anywhere near me
no never never never why are they saying it
why is it such a common thing to hear?
when ever you see some sicko on the tv doing the worst things ever they say he she was abused and thats why they are doing sick things the whole thing just has me freaking out inside
god it makes me feel like i am poisend.im not its a awful thing.but people see it like this becasue of the things they see on tv.
its like if you say you were abused yourself they would never let you alone with kids again ?
why is it all so fucked up?
why?
its not right at all

My ex's parents had been reading stupid articles in the newspaper reinforcing the view that abuse victims will become abusers. They made the comment that I may abuse my children. The strange thing is that they left me alone with their young girls. I had a bit of a meltdown over this and His mum said she didnt think I would do this and that is why she trusted me with her children..so bizarre that, that was said in the first place. I know it hurts but you have to try to ignore these ppl. I also went to a site: www. bravehearts.org.au. There is a statistics factsheet. One statistic was that only about 25% of abusers have been abused themselves. Apparently lots of convicted molesters used this excuse to get sympathy but when they underwent a lie detector test it turned out they had lied about being abused themselves.
There are so many misconceptions about child abuse. I want, not only for child abuse to be prevented and stopped but also more public education so that ppl dont make these hurtful comments to us survivors, making us feel even worse.
As to being damaged. I too hate the statement "damaged goods". As if we dont carry enough shame already. we are not damaged, even if we carry physical scars. I think we are all strong amazing courageous ppl after all our terrible ordeals. It takes amazing strength to live through abuse and to carry such a deep, dark secret and to speak out to ppl if we choose and to endure shit from ignorant ppl. i think we forget to give ourselves credit for bravely battling on.
Im sorry if some posts offended you or u got feedback that didnt help you. Sometimes I think ppl say offensive things without meaning too. I was trying to help a girl on here who is being abused and I realised I was saying things that probably made her feel more desperate and helpless. Anyhow, Im only saying positive things to her now.

I personally think some children/teenagers may re-enact their abuse but as adults they dont because they know it is wrong. I think we are less likely to abuse because we know how painful it is to be abused ourselves.
Apparently abuse survivor mothers are more protective of their children than non-abused mothers.
Ive heard several ppl on here say that their abuser didnt know what damage they were doing to the child. Well we do know how damaging it is.
We know if we are a monster or not. I know myself I could never do anything inappropriate to a child. If we are contemplating or planning to do perverted things to a child, that is when we should worry.
I think the only ppl who say that they abuse the person because they have already been abused and are damaged is a sicko, pervert and justifying their screwed up ways.

i thank you all for your help

im ok
iknow im not a monster
its just a common view point that is very sad

ps
its quite hard to read the lines in these replays

i need new lines instead of commas
i have a crazy brian as you may not know by now :)

This makes me angry too...I work with kids and I'm terrified that now that a lot of people know i was abused, they might tell the people I work with and they'll be scared to leave me alone with the kids. And I'm scared something in me could just kind of change and make me like him :(

To Person913:

You will NEVER be like him.

I agree with porcelina, you will never become an abuser. Stay strong, we are here to support you.

Hey this is not the case at all. I am the child of abuse and have had an abusive relationship, but i am the total opposite. I have so much love to give and are so giving and caring, that i could NEVER put anything i suffered onto my kids. It may be true for some, but its whats in your heart that makes you who you are, not what others have done to you.
You have a choice and you don't have to follow the path they lead you on. I didn't, and quite frankly their behaviour sickens me so much that i choose never to be like them. We all survive this, I am sure you are a fantastic person and wish you only the best. You are in charge or you!! Xa

Thanks Porcelina :)

I think it's far more likely that victims continue to get abused. Especially those who were abused as children. The brain becomes used to dealing with abusive situations. That's why it's so important for us to talk about it, define it, and heal from it. Otherwise we get stuck with abusive people running our lives. I know I did!

I think the secrecy causes us to feel like there is something wrong with us. We also live in a world that still likes to blame victims so that fear of being called an abuser is something quite real.

I cringe when I read the news sometimes. I swear I can tell when an abuser is doing the writing. There is no recognition of abuse going on and almost always a clear 'lack of evidence'. As if people go around saying they've been abused for fun or attention. OH, what great attention it is, hey?