Sexual Abuse Support Group
Sexual abuse is a relative cultural term used to describe sexual relations and behavior between two or more parties which are considered criminally and/or morally offensive. Different types of sexual abuse involve: Non-consensual, forced physical sexual behavior such as rape, incest or sexual assault, or psychological forms of abuse, such as verbal sexual behavior or...
I was told to speak to someone by my physical therapist but due to my current health issue I am unable to afford a psychiatrist. I thought maybe opening up more might help a little. I haven't spoken to anyone about the extent of my abuse for truthfully fearing it somewhat being partially my fault. Yes, I was a child but I kept going back. Doesn't that put me at fault too? I will try to keep this as short as possible. My family struggled financially when I was younger and I remember the first time my mother asked me to ask our neighbor for help. It didn't seem like a big deal at the time seeing as how he was like a grandfather to us. He would always buy us candy and even keep quiet when he noticed my oldest sister letting people into our home while our parents were at work. I grew up in a very strict home so going outside wasn't even something we considered doing for fear of punishment. So again when he didn't tell on us we thought he was the coolest person around. After the second time of asking for help he starting touching me inapporiately saying it was our little secret and how he knew how much we needed his help. I had always been a quiet kid and abuse was normal for me so I thought if I kept quiet he would eventually stop. Silly me. After the third time.. Well I guess you know where to take it from there. I remember my mother once stating things like that happened because of the way young girls carried themselves. At that time I was still being dressed by my parents and barely spoke so I couldn't understand why she would've said something like that. I knew then telling her would only somehow backfire on me. Not to mention we always seemed to need the help and my mother always sent me so somewhere in my mind I blamed her as well. I can still remember the way he smelled. The way he laughed as if it was all some joke. All the while I kept going back for more. It makes me sick now to even think I thought that was his way of showing me love. I knew by the time he made me pass out from all the abuse that I didn't want to be loved anymore. Is it possible to stop the memories? Is it possible it partially was my fault? I can barely type this without balling my eyes out. Can't I just make it all go away? I don't want to feel this way anymore..
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I feel so dirty and used I was drunk and passed out at a party when I came around some guy was on top of me rapeing me he covered my mouth and told me to shut up afterwards he got up and got dressed and said I better not tell anyone I found my friend and reported that I had been raped after having medical checks and them getting DNA I've taken the morning after pill IAM just so depressed and...
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Upon his departure, he remarked, "I am in many people’s pockets; no one will believe you." Have you ever grappled with the silence that follows sexual assault, where the perceived impossibility of being believed necessitates self-censorship?
Every single person who has been abused thinks it must be their fault somehow. Abusers are very clever in manipulating kids and making them feel implicated. I don't believe any child would choose to be abused - it is far too damaging and traumatic. I have no doubt that you were innocent of all blame in what happened to you.
Your fault? No. Mom's fault?Not sure. Did she know what was happening? Predator's fault? Absolutely.
The thing with finding fault though is that it does not heal. And you need to heal. I hear that you cannot afford a psychiatrist but there are other resources you can track down. I've listed a few below.
1. If you live near a university see if they have a program for students getting their graduate degrees in clinical psychology. Free therapy is usually part of student training.
2. Find a local rape crisis center where free counseling is available. Call the National Sexual Assault Hotline at 800 656-HOPE; they can give you the address and phone number for a center that handles your area.
3. Call the local United Way. They usually have a long list of agencies who will work with you on a sliding scale fee based on your income and ability to pay.
4. Find a women's center and find out what they have to offer.
5. Check with your local office of the National Alliance for the Mentally Ill. We're not mentally ill but this organization can be a tremendous resource; they will know about every single psychiatrist, psychologist and social worker in the area. And they'll know who works with survivors, who works for free, and who works on a sliding scale.
(The resources above came from Charli, a therapist who was once a member of DailyStrength.)
You'll also want to educate yourself about the impact sexual abuse has on your life. I recommend getting the book, The Courage to Heal by Bass and Davis. Check your library.
Finally, see if you can find a 12-Step group for survivors. The journey is hard but worth it a hundred times over.
Keep coming back,
xx
SuzA
I was in therapy for 18 months before I even mentioned sexual abuse. If you find you're with a therapist who pushes you to talk then you're with the wrong person. Healing must be done at your own pace, not someone else's.
Go to Sidran.org and find the article that talks about finding a therapist.
You can do this but it must be at your own pace.
xx
SuzA
Please believe me. You were taken advantage of and you were coping in the best way you knew how.
It's important to learn how the mind works.
As dw said, you felt you deserved it so it makes sense that you would go back. I can think of two reasons why you'd do this: 1) to confirm your belief that you were unworthy, and 2) because every human being requires touch.
Children believe what they're told and how they're treated. And we all act on our beliefs. As a child, I was told endlessly that I'd never amount to anything. My high school counselor confirmed that when she told me I was not college material. For 10 years I acted on the belief that I'd never amount to anything by taking jobs that never tapped my potential and dating dysfunctional men. I had no idea that things could be different until after 10 years of meaningless and frustrating work I decided I wanted to try college. That decision changed my life. But, I had spent 10 years acting on someone else's belief about me. And I spent 10 years in that "comfort" zone because I was afraid of the world and the people in it.
Now, you've been told and treated in ways that created a belief system that confirmed you had no value. You will need to create a new belief system, and you can. Therapy must be part of that.
Survivors may think it's the sexual abuse that they encourage, but, in fact, it's touch that's necessary to live, and any show of affection--even sexual abuse--is tolerated. (In orphanages research found that babies who were not touched died).
Stop blaming yourself and start work on your healing. You are not unworthy, regardless of what your programmed beliefs say. By taking safe actions that show your worth you can create a new belief system.
xx
SuzA
keep walking the path towards undestanding and accepting that truth about yourself