I met my husband three years ago and a year after knowing him we finally went on a date, which led to us creating a very beautiful baby boy. He had asked me to marry him when he found out I was pregnant, but out of fear I rejected him. I was fearful he couldn't handle me and the baggage I carry. Up until July of this year we remained separated, but would 'hook up" now and then. I knew in my heart I loved him and dreamt of marrying him, but at the same time I didn't want to be sexual because I was not use to enjoying it. I wasn't use to not being high or drunk to have or want sex. I was more use to giving it up because I had to. In previous relationships I only had sex because I had to, but would rather have a sexless relationship. Therefore I would get drunk or high to "do it".

I fell pregnant again and at that time decided we should be together. Unfortunately, we lost the baby at 2 months, but went ahead with our wedding plans and got married. Even up until that point I would only have sex because he asked and I didn't want him going somewhere else for it or feeling rejected.

Finally, I feel like I am on the road to healthy intimacy. For the first time, I enjoy it. For the first time I don't reject him at all or turn him down and its because I want it. I want to engage in the act with him. I want to show him my love and feel his love. I never thought this day would come.