I dont have a relationship with my abusers. And I dont think i can forgive them, because i don't really feel anything. It's a little Hard to forgive when you dont feel any anger

I am not sure... I was abused by my father and my older half brother. I feel this need to forgive my dad because well he is my father and not everyday was so bad. as to my older brother I hope he dies very soon!!!!

I think that knowing my abuser had been abused would make it harder for me to forgive him. If he has been abused then why would he inflict that pain on someone else???

My father abused me- it went on for several years. I had to work through my anger at him that he could hurt me and tell himself that he wasn't hurting me, just so that he could meet his selfish needs. I am quite confident that he was abused when he was a kid, and I feel sadness that back then there wasn't even acknowledgement of this kind of thing, never mind any kind of help. However, it doesn't excuse what he did. Forgiveness for me has not been a constant state. I think I've forgiven him and then I feel rage against him. However, I am still working on forgiving him, because for me the rage was like a bondage. I was captive to this great anger, and it affected too many parts of my life. Somehow, I was paying yet again for what he did to me. So sometimes I forgive, and sometimes I have to try and forgive. But at least I amfree of the anger- when I see him now, I really don't feel very much at all. And I'm grateful for that. However, you do NOT have to forgive. You have to do what feels right for you. Listen ot your inner self. And if you do choose to forgive, it will probably be more for your sake than his. Take care.

thank you, I have needed to hear this and the replies. I tried to write a question last night similiar, had not seen this discussion. and got embarrassed and deleted it. One of my abusers was not only greatly tortured as a kid too but she was incredibly ill, had a great many therapies done to her, Which was in a time that therapies were really not good, and she really doesn't remember not only much of her life but of us children growing up. Its just erased. I seem to punish myself for being angry or anything because I feel its almost like "not fit to stand trial" but it still doesn't excuse anything or the fact that people stood back and didn't step in. My aunt wanted to deem my parents unfit and take me away, but she has said that she was so afraid of my m" I almost really get angry when people ask me questions now that say "you know I saw this and knew. . ." If you knew why didn't you do something. tht almost makes me even more troubled with anger and guilt and sadness. and shame. that growing up Itried so hard to hide and obviously didn't do a good job so it feels like I was on a stage and people watched this tradgedy occur like a theatrical production. it feels awful. Sorry for the ramble. Discovering this site this week has been such a godsend. I can remain private but have honesty without fear and have really gained hope from all of you. Today I am taking care of myself a little instead of punishing myself. Thank you.

Boo Hoo cry me a f*cking river...Umm NO!! if anything it makes it less understandable..being abused as a child is NO EXCUSE for doing it to another. I don't care if they got help or not...the bottom line is they KNEW it was wrong as a child..just like we all did..that little voice in their heads like we have said umm this is not right...they felt the same shame we do...as a child..TWO WRONGS NEVER make a right. I am sorry but its a cop out..a lame excuse for their behavior.

I Forgave my father for his abuse...he told me his sad story about his abuse as a child..and he tugged at my heart strings..HE APOLOGIZED to me for what he did to me...and two years later?? HE DID IT AGAIN!! Knowing it was WRONG! There is not a soul on this planet that can tell me an ADULT that was sexually abused as a child didn't know it was wrong when he was abusing his children...mine happened in the 1970's and in the 2000's!! NOT when man was still dragging women around by their hair and saying ugh ugh!!

Any person who can say oh I abused my children because I was abused as a child...has a few FREAKING SCREWS lose and needs to be put away...they know the pain...they know the torment...and most of all THEY KNEW IT WAS WRONG...as a child when it happened to them...and as an adult when they were doing it to their own child..

It's lame...it's shameful..and its low...to blame my freaking grandparents for the abuse I suffered...what crap!!!

My grandfather robbed a bank in his time...wonder if I could too...I may just have a strong argument for court..

*slaps head*

*walks out of the thread*

Sorry very very triggering topic..

I forgave my abuser on his death bed.AS far as forgeting what all went on,I have nightmares and the memories are back,he was my stepdad never knew my real DAD don't think he is still living.I can't keep on about this so i'm ending it now.

MY FINGERS HURT FROM TYPING SO I WILL JUST SAY, NOT IN THE EXACT WORDS THAT I DO AGREE WITH STARDUST KID,I DID NOT FORGIVE HIM,EVEN WHEN HE WAS CREMATED,BUT THEN,I AM OLDER AND WISER AND KNOW THEY NEVER CHANGE,I WILL NOT SHED ANY TEARS IN THE RIVER EITHER,IF U THINK THEY CHANGE DO SOME RESEARCH,MY FIRST MOLESTOR WAS 80 WHEN HE DIED AND HADN'T CHANGED,2 WRONGS DON'T MAKE A RIGHT,NO EXCUSES,NO PARDONS,NOT ME,NOT THEN,NOT NOW ,NOT EVER,IF U THINK THEY DO,U MIGHT AS WELL,
((((((FOLLOW THE YELLOW BRICK ROAD)))))))) YOU WOULD HAVE A BETTER CHANCE OF FINDING (OZ) GOOD LUCK ,LOVE TO ALL,SEMPERSUGAR,(LET GOD FORGIVE THEM)

i cant seem to find it in me to forgive..the more i try the worse i get..or the perpertraiter does something else in the same effect or chits on thier kids in the sake of some kind of sick satisfaction of controle..nope im not forgiving crap like that.

No I couldn't forgive them. If someone knows what it did to them why would they pass that along?

There is a book for adult women survivors of childhood sexual abuse called The Courage to Heal. The book states that forgivenes is NOT a necessary step in healing.

I don't have personal experience as I have not forgiven any of my abusers. I still hate them all.

I can say that I will never be able to forgive my brother for the torment and embarrasment he put me through.Also I would never imagine myself afflicting the disscusting acts on anyone that he did to me.(sexual molesting)

I can say that I will never be able to forgive my brother for the torment and embarrasment he put me through.Also I would never imagine myself afflicting the disscusting acts on anyone that he did to me.(sexual molesting)

HELL NO

No, as other posters said ....we were abused and didnt become abusers. i think it's a crutch that rapist/pedophiles to justify ruining a child self worth.