Christians are really big on forgiveness. And forgiveness may be a crucial stop on the road to healing. But if that is so, it is near the end of the road, I am sure. I think it comes after the rage and after a ton of mourning and after a great deal of healing. I can't believe it is EVER among the first steps. So maybe it would be nice to forgive her, someday, but I don't believe anyone should be pressuring you to forgive her now.

There are so many ways in which people fall short of the Christian ideal, every moment of every day. Why insist that a child victim of abuse and neglect rise to the enormous challenge of forgiving the one who was charged with her care and protection yet allowed her and the little siblings she loved to be abused year after year after year?

I don't think you could do it, even if you wanted to. All you could do is pay lip service to the idea and suppress all the other feelings that you have, which would actually interfere with your healing. Maybe you could tell her, "Grandma, God willing, I will forgive her one day. But I am not there yet." Of course, if that's not how you feel you shouldn't say it.

It's very brave of you to insist on telling the truth, and to stand by your truth.

I think if you forgive her (which you don't ever *have* to do), it has to be on your terms and for your own reasons. No one can pressure you into actually forgiving her, just into saying you do.

Forgiveness is something many struggle with. Some feel they must forgive in order to heal and others feel they must heal in order to forgive. I had to heal first and even with that, forgiveness didn't come easy. And in some cases I am not sure what I feel is actual 'forgiveness'. I would describe how I feel is "not as angry". I don't forgive the man for abusing me like he did - that to me is like saying "it's OK. No hard feelings". Forgiveness is said to help the survivor more than the abuser and I think we all need to find our way to that point ourselves and in our own time. No one can force us to forgive anyone. So if you don't want to forgive your mother right now then don't. Continue with your healing, release your anger at your mother and then see where you are. Right now it seems to me that you healing from everything is much more important than making sure you forgive the person who hurt you and ignored the situation you were in.

I am not a Christian. I'm a Wiccan. Sexual abuse is evil and in many ways destroys the victims, Evil is not forgiveable.

I think forgiveness is an ongoing thing,and takes a lot of time.Forgivesness does not excuse the behavior and if you are a Christian you need to pray to ask God to guide you to forgiveness.Don't pressure yourself will come in time,if nit,God understands that you tried.

Btw how is the baby?I was thinking of you the other day

Hope is doing great. she is still in the NICU, but has reached 3lbs and has been graduated from a ventilator to a cpap on a trial basis. may or may not stick but im hoping it does.

On my gosh,I did not know you delivered!Hope is a beautiful name,and fits perfectly.The love for a child is a powerful and healing thing.I wish you both the best.Make your life count,for her and for you.

Forgiving allows you to move forward. I tend to hold on to issues; It becomes a distraction. Forgiving feels a lot better than hate. Hate greats tension in the body.

I just don't think hate is the only other option than forgiveness, but if those were the only two options I would agree that forgiveness is better. I worry that when people try to forgive before they're ready it shuts down some of the feelings they need to feel in order to eventually let go of it all and heal.