Once again i see a lot of women taking the time out of their lives to let me know how much they dislike me and my ways and wonder why i am still here. My god, if you just channeled some of that negative energy into something useful imagine what you could accomplish ! But, to each their own and you all have just as much right to be here and post as i do. SO, i'll TRY to sum it all up AGAIN for you. First of all, i am here Nt to stop, but to understand what it is and learn that i am not the only one dealing with this thing. But the plain and simple fact is that i AM dealing with it, MY way, not yours, and that is NOT denial. You know, as a good example, i'm a smoker too. And her in Illinois, they banned all smoking in any buildings anywhere, restaurants included as of the first of the year. My W nor her family smokes. So, when i am around everyone, and our kids, i know i simply have to have the discipline not to smoke until later when it won't affect everyone. So, is that denial? Yes, i crave the nicotine, but i know tat i choose not to break the law or inconvenience my family, so i simply don't do it. If you all don't believe what i tell you about my W, i really don't care. This is a fucking computer, why the hell should i lie to a bunch of complete strangers? Also, i will be the first to admit that i am not a perfect husband, far from it. But, you know what ? I know what i do and don't want from my marriage and therefore i am doing what it takes to make it the best for the both of us. I know that i have to learn to communicate with her more, like most of us men out there. Please don't sit out there and be a man hater when you read my posts and say "this guy is a bully " ,becaue outside of this board, you don't even know me. If you wantto know what my wife says to me, then ask me and i may tell you. But this site is for my own personal use and venting as she has hers. What she writes on hers is her business and vice versa. Don't recall seeing any of your husbands on here lately. So, bottom line is here, if you don't like me, i really quite frankly, don't care, why should i? Did i ever say that any of you were pathetic losers because you can't jerk off when you want to or have problems otherwise ? No, so stop putting words into my mouth. As for my Get Over It , Works For Me, and That Is All That Matters ? WHo the hell else is it suppossed to work for ?! And MY marriage IS all that matters to me. Are you jealous because you're still searching for a way to fix your lives while i have found something that is working for mine ? What i tell you on here is based upon how what i am doing is affecting both my wife and myself. I probably am stronger than some on here, and i may not be as strong as others, but i'm not going to apologize for it ! So, maybe you need to stop spending so much time and energy complaining about me and my ways and focus on whatever it is you need to do to fix yours. I'm here if you need me, or ignore me if you don't. It really is just that simple.

nope not jealous longhaul, not even close. I think you are entitled to your opinions and to express them, but in a respectful way. You do not know for sure if anyone's husband or b friend is on here though.

People here are hurting. Whether they are a spouse, or someone trying to recover from Sex or porn addiction.

for you to think that women here are jealous or the 'trying to recover addicts' are jealous, isn't, in my opinion, a nice thing to say.

I understand people have said so not so nice things to you, but this is more painful than you can imagine!

you can continue to express yourself or not, up to you

I think I could have handled things better if my husband was honest with me about it.Instead I found out that he had been keeping it from me.I would have been hurt if he'd have told me up front but I could have handled that a lot better than finding out the way I did.Finding out the way I did about my husband's addiction is the worst find of hurt you can go through because not only do you have the hurt of knowing about the addiction but you also have the pain of betrayl because he lied and hit it.I don't think I can ever trust him again.Then there is the issue of him walking into my daughter's bedroom with nothing on and a couple of other things he's done.I don't think I will ever feel the same way about him as I did.

I underrstand all of your views darlap, and all are valid points except for one. The only part i do agree with is the one that says that i can't imagine the pain. As far as suxual addiction goes, no, noone in my family has ever had it or any "addiction" to porn. What i can relate to, however, is the cheating and betrayal part, as my first wife was unfaithful. Not sure if that was what you meant by saying that.

joybells you did and are doing the best you can under the circumstances. and you have to protect your family. its so painful.

i understand, because i have been through childhood abuse, rape as a teen and i know lots of people here have been thru so much too. but this is one of the most painful i have been thru, its like a betrayal, lost trust.

you are a strong woman,and i wish the very best for you in this trying time.

ok..longhaul...let me see if i can make this clearer to you what everyone's saying here so that we may be able to try and be of help or comfort to the ones that are really needing it!

This forum and this thread are for people who are *addicted* to porn (and KNOW that its a PROBLEM) OR they are someone who is *affected* in some way by a spouse or partner who is addicted to porn. which are you?

What i'm hearing you say..is that you ARE addicted but that its ok...it's some kind of controlled addiction....no such thing! and addiction IS exactly that...and it is something that usually affects loved ones as well. if what your doing doesn't affect you or anyone in your life (which i find hard to believe) then why are you posting under sex/pornography addictions? why not continue on to a real porn site and continue to feed the controlled addiction you have if you don't believe there is anything wrong with it? This thread is not to decide weather or not porn is right or wrong its for people trying to cope with how it's affecting their lives.

you said *i'm dealing with it* what ARE you dealing with exactly? if you genuinly feel you have an addiction what are you doing to deal with it?...accepting it and trying to convince everyone else that they are crazy and that living with a porn addict should not be a problem is definetly not an ok way to be...

OK, how about we do this,....you stay on here for whatever reason you're here and i will do the same, how about that ? I'm all foir debate, but i'm really getting tired of repeating myself aimply because you don't understand me, damn ! Stop worrying about me and focus on yourself. In the time that it has taken you to write that next rebuttal, you could've actually helped someone here who actually needs your imput. I think it's pretty clear, you don't care for me. I'll get over it, somehow.

this was not supposed to be a debate about addiction or compulsive behavior, but it did turn into that. it is about helping each other go thru this, and not to say whether to leave or to go, unless the case with joybells, her children were in danger, that is a different case. as any most mothers would do, she chose to protect her children. I imagine she still is in very much pain. We are here for you joybells.

as for other people saying their opinions, that is their right. obviously we do not agree all the time. and i feel we have no right to tell them not to be here, even if we feel its inappropriate. Just my opinion.

Some think that doing nothing at all is dealing with it. and accepting it and integrating it into every part of their lives is dealing with it. for me its not dealing, its just not doing anything at all. but we all have our choices to make. dealing with it is trying to change things or make things better or at least trying IMO. Most people are not proud of their addictions as part of them.

Alcoholics are not really allowed to go to an AA meeting if they are drunk to the point that everyone notices, they may have someone at the meeting talk with them outside or privately. It is for people trying to get sober and to share experiences and sympathize and empathize with each other and work the 12 steps. Do people slip, yes, but some get right back on, some do not. it is the same with porn addiction. People try, they may slip, some decide to not try anymore, some do, it is a choice.

I think most people here, like myself are having a hard time dealing with it, and it does tear us apart inside whether you are the addicted or the spouse or family member of the addicted.

I feel that what this area is for, people trying to get away from their porn problem with peer support and for their spouses or family members to get support as well.

I will not get into my story because it is not all about me and what i do and how i am dealing, all i can say is i am doing my best.

Please ladies and guys wanting help and support, do not stop coming back. not because someone upset you, its not worth it, and take from this forum what you can and if you do not like something, leave it.

Thank you everybody for your support.It means a lot.

I think it will take me a long time to have trust in my husband after he did what he did with the hooker.I do want to try and work on our relationship.He wants to as well.He wants to seek help for his sex addiction but its hard because we dont have help available because we live in a small tow,I find one moment i feel like we will be ok and then today i felt so angry and mad at him.The hard part is I love him so much and one day hope I can forgive him.He works out of town to and that makes me anxious,wondering if he is going to go to a prostitute again!!!

The good thing is your husband says he wants to work on your marriage.My husband doesn't.That's why I'm leaving mine.My husband doesn't want to work on it.Trust is something that takes a long time to get back.I hope things work out for both of you.I made the choice I made because I felt it was the right one for me and my daughter.Good Luck.

Wow i found this thread quite eye opening. There use to be alot more people here on this site, and some still with the same problems!!

I hope joybells is doing well.

I think we have all focused on LONGHAUL more than he deserves. We are here to respond to JOYBELLS pain, NOT LONGHAUL's needs!

LONGHAUL will never change. Let him be, don't give him the attention he craves and desires. I think LONGHAUL has some really, really deep issues here. And his poor wife, God bless her for putting up with this self-centered, egotistical, selfish, man. He is not worth it. Sorry LONGHAUL! There is actually a part of me that feels sorry for you. You are so pathetic!

Joybells, I feel your pain. My advice is going to be plain and simple. If you love this man and are committed to helping him with his recovery, stay. I suggest reading everything you can get your hands on to understand what SA is all about. Another bit of advice, talk, talk, talk, to your spouse. Tell him how you feel; the hurt, the betrayal, the mistrust, etc., etc. that you love him and want to help him fight this DEMON together. I also suggest that you approach him with love and compassion.....you can be assertive, but don't be aggressive, this will only push him away, or further into his addiction!

And last but not least, pray. Pray to God for his help and guidance. You will need him more NOW than ever before in your life.

Good Luck. We are here to help you. If you want to contact me personally, feel free to contact me via my DS e-mail. I too have experienced your same pain. My h and I are recovering together and doing great. I may be able to help you and share with you the things that have worked, and the things that have failed.

I have divorced my husband because he refused to get treatment.He is still in the denial stage so for the sake of my daughter I divorced him.