I just wish my wife gave me one more chance, one more ultimatum , one more slap in the face, one more wake the fuck up call. No, she woke up one morning as said to the mirror, I don't want to live like this anymore, I don't want to feel I can't trust him anymore. I want my life back and I am getting a divorce.

Guys / ladies, wake up to the music here. You still have a chance if you really in your soul want to be free.

I do but it is too late for me. I must live with this forever but I will recover and I will be a better person, free from the obsession of lusting.

Thank You God for being with me today and seeing the light.

Wow, i'm a bad husband? I'm getting aroused by all your stories? I'm hearing it all here. Listen, i'm sorry if most of you are crippled by your addiction and that it got out of control in your lives. I've never masturbated anywhere NEAR my wife. Yes, that's my picture on my profile, sorry if you don't like it, then you're not in the bodubuilding lifestyle, more power to you. My wife pretty much allowed us to get married without fully disclosing all of her past ,likes and dislikes and, in some cases, even outright lied to me by telling me before we got married that once we lived together in our own home we could finally be more intimate. Listen ladies, i do have a good build in bodybuilding terms and have even won competitions for my strength abilities. I have flat out asked my wife if she likes the way i look and she always says yes, she loves it. Both her mother and sister told me that my wife has told them that she feels so safe at night when i have my arms around her (they measure 20"), so to the one that says "that's your picture right?" YES, it is and i've worked damn hard to get it that way. SO, when i'm told how desireable i am by my wife, yet she won't touch me due to her lack of sex drive ,yes, that pisses me off. I'm her trainer, husband and confidant. It's my responsibility to get her up off her ass and get into shape. Not just for me, but for herself. If you all want to turn to God because your addiction has destroyed your lives, fine, more power to you! But don't judge me because i have the discipline to NOT let it ruin my life or that i'm open and honest with my wife about my porn. I applaud all of you on here who it has gotten so far out of control and are seeking help. I'm here for understanding and i read the posts of others and see some common traits and don't feel so alone. Yes, i feel very sorry for and i don't understand how some of oyur lives were so adversely affected by porn. To me, the human body is a beautiful thing and i love looking it it. I have never disrespected my wife by watching it in front of her and i have never used porn INSTEAD of being with my wife. Yes, i have another woman, a friend who has expressed a desire to be with me but will not be the OW. Yes, i have the DESIRE to cheat for the sex, just like many of YOU HAVE DONE, yet you judge ME, even tho i have not cheated. I'm not perfect. My first wife cheated on me and yes, i kicked her fat ass to the curb for it, no "second chance" bullshit. My current wife is free to go anytime she pleases and i have told her hat many times. Not as a threat, but because i want honestly. I told her that i don't want anyone to be with me if they don't want to be here. She has only to let me know, and if i can't fix it, then i would be more than happy to sign the divorce papers and let her find her happiness elsewhere. So, you people are all judging me for my honesty ? Some of you, like Mondoman if i read his post right, wants one more chance with his wife. I assume he cheated, she found out and decided to end it. I'm sorry, but that is her perogative. Yes, i did marry my wife for "better or for worse" ,but maybe i should've also had the priest ask my wife if there was anything else that she didn't disclose before we said "i do". I do believe in better or worse, but i'm simply not going to stay in a marriage where i'm not fulfilled despite all efforts, and i wouldn't expect her to do it either.
So, please don't blame me and place your judgement simply because i know what i do and don't want and am not willing to sacrifice my hapiness for the rest of my life. And yes, i hate to tell you, but in my opinion, sex is a part of marital duty. I didn't get married to NOT have sex again. Ironic tho, with as much as i just got bashed in this thread, i still get a couple more messages from persons on this board asking for my opinion and/or help. I enjoy helping them and will continue to do so. If you don't like my opinions, well, you know what they say "Opinions are like ...."you finish the rest. Oh and by the way, i do go to church every sunday and on religious holy days, and i do this with a clear consscience.

Longhaul wrote - "I do believe in better or worse, but i'm simply not going to stay in a marriage where i'm not fulfilled despite all efforts, and i wouldn't expect her to do it either."

Isn't that what you're doing now, though? Staying even though you're not being 'fulfilled?' Since you obviously don't feel you have a problem, and obviously don't feel you are contributing to your wife's problem, I'm still confused as to why you do 'not feel so alone' and would need 'understanding' on this site. Most of the people on this site realize they have a problem, like MondoMan, and show remorse, wishing they had a second chance with their loved one, etc. I see no remorse from you, only boasting that your wife knows about your problem, you don't do it in front of her, and it's not hurting anyone. Can you honestly believe that, by reading others' posts on here, that someone (mainly your WIFE) isn't hurting from what you're doing?? I'm still confused.....

its not your fault. sometimes a woman loses their drive to be with their husband because she loses a bit of respect for him when she knows he watches porn on a regoular basis. i know because its happened to me.

it is your husband's problem. your problem is dealing with it. an addict's spouse does not make him or her drink, do drugs, gamble or watch porn. you have that compulsion or problem or you do not. your wife or husband does not make you do it. using the 'overweight thing' is a cop out.

my H is overweight, not by too much, but he looks different than when i first married him, and i still always wanted him, until i found out about the porn. i still look the same, maybe better than when we first met, but he does not seem interested in being with me. and i have a high drive. i would never ever say, lose weight or i will look at porn or find someone else, i do not have that compulsion and that would hurt him like heck. i want to get his sex drive back for me and i am doing everything i can to get it, but as long as he is using porn, it will not happen. I am replaced, by an unwelcome guest in our home, internet porn. any addiction is selfish.

most people are selfish at some point or another, but an addict, whether it be drugs, alcohol, porn, gambling, its all about them, at that moment they do not care about anyone else or if they are hurting anyone. they may not want to hurt anyone, but it they do.

Okay betrayed, i guess you're the mollionth person whom i will say this to : If you're so willing to be unhappy in a marriage by saying "for better or for worse" and just living with hte problems or accepting them, that that's up to you and your problem, not mine. Yes, i was being unfulfilled, so i have taken steps to rectify that, and, in turn, my marriage seems to be getting a little bit better day by day. I'm NOT goint to APOLOGIZE for that lol. As for my porn addiction,...NO ,it is not a problem for me, my family, my wife, my career, or any other aspect of my life. I'm also not going to apoligize for that. As i have said MANY times here, i feel very sorry for those of you here whom the addiction has gotten such a hold on your lives that you have lost or are about to lose your spouses. I love porn and jerking off. I was doing it LONG before i ever met my first gf. It's a part of my life, an orgasm is like a drug to me. It just so happens that i can fit it into my personal life when actual sex isn't available and in my career i'm a truck driver, so i have a tv w/ dvd player in my sleeper and so i do it on my breaks. I don't hide it from my wife,..try reading some of my posts, she knows i have it and even where it is and that i jerk off when she's not available. So, exactly what am i suppossed to feel remorse for ? Hell, sometimes i even text my wife at work and let her know i'm jerking off to some of her pics when she was lighter. She told me that knowing that gives her the motivation to get back into shape. So, again, what exactly am i suppossed to be at fault for here ? And for those of you women who will say "Just cause she SAYS she's better now, how do you know she really is just saying that to make you happy?" Well, you know what, if she's that stupid and naive to do that instead of being honest with me and letting me try to improve myself for her, then i say she deserves what she gets and has no right to complain. Like, what right do you have to complain about the president if you don't get your ass up and vote like it's your right to ?

i wish someone would tell me the definition of *addiction* is because now i'm confused? I thought an *addiction* was when something (i.e.: alocohol or porn) gets out of control you are unable to stop and affects your life and those around you that love you. Can you JUSTIFY an addiction? I am a smoker..i have been for 20 years..am i addicted?...ABSOLUTELY...is it hard for me to quit? YUP! Do i know that if affects my H's health? Do i KNOW it affects my OWN?...uh huh! but i have tried and am trying to get the courage up to quit...now that you've heard me admit to my addiction what you won't here from me is yes i am addicted but F-it and everone else it affects because it works for me!

And to joybells...you should not accept anything of the sort that it is your fault it's not...and part of the *ADDICTION* is them not thinking that THEY HAVE a problem...they will justify it any way they can to make it alright in their own minds...and thats a fact!

I am new here, but have read a few of the posts. I am just trying to understand why longhaul is a member of this forum if sex addiction isn't a problem for him. I understood this forum to be support for sex addicts and those affected by it. Support in recovery from it; not a means to continue it. I think perhaps his wife would find more benefit from it than he has. BTW: it's call denial.

Hi,
I totally understand how you feel. My partner is totally addicted to porn. He sees nothing wrong with it. It shatters me, it hurts how he does not care that it as destroyed my self esteem. Plus it has been over a month since we had sex. I cannot understand how he would rather look at that then be with me. What do you do when they can't admit they have a problem. Sorry I don't have advice. Here to listen, if you need a friend. Helpless

pokiebear wrote - "I am just trying to understand why longhaul is a member of this forum if sex addiction isn't a problem for him. I understood this forum to be support for sex addicts and those affected by it. Support in recovery from it; not a means to continue it. I think perhaps his wife would find more benefit from it than he has. BTW: it's call denial."

Hear hear pokiebear!! I totally agree with you and, like you, wonder why he's here - I think he wants SUPPORT for what he's doing - only he isn't going to get it from me - sexual addiction almost ruined my marriage and if longhaul's wife was here (which she needs to be), she would be more enlightened than she cares to be, I bet!

i'll give a hear! hear! as well to that one!...in my very convaluted way that was kind of what i was trying to say! thanks for saying it better then i could pokiebear!!

I believe that Longhaul is still here because he does not care that his chest thumping about his porn use, and his degrading comments about women are offensive and even harmful to other people here. He does not care. His approach is, Get Over It. It Works For Me And That Is All That Matters. He just totally does not get it. Nor does he want to. He believes that he is stronger and better than all the pathetic loser addicts here who cannot jerk off every chance they get and still claim it is no problem for them. And if that bothers people, people who are rightfully here in the community created to help them, then that is just Too Bad.

What my husband is going is not normal and I chose to leave for the sake of my daughter and I own sanity.I don't deserve to be teated this way.My husband needs help and until he sees thhat and does it there is no hope for our marriage.What he is doing I consider disrespectful to me and I want better treatment.I deserve that.

Joybells wrote - "My husband needs help and until he sees thhat and does it there is no hope for our marriage.What he is doing I consider disrespectful to me and I want better treatment.I deserve that."

You are absolutely correct, joybells, and I'm sure that most of us here can relate to what you're going through! I'll be praying for you! {{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}

i can relate joybells...i almost left on several occasions...but i don't have children..so i stayed to keep trying...but your right it's not normal and you don't deserve it, none of us do!

After reading all these posts, some are great and thoughtful, i am beginning to feel like i am not so sure which is worse, lying about it and still watching porn or being honest about it. hiding it is lying to your spouse, with the hope that he or she may not find out, so you can continue what you are doing, but at the same time, i think when they try to hide it, they do not want to hurt you either, not in all cases, but in some.

being honest is fine, but its also hurtful because it is a 'take it or leave it' situation for the spouse, and the being honest is to me, not a good enough excuse to keep enabling yourself to continue with an addiction that you know you cannot and may not be able to control and may lose control somewhere done the line.

some people say it does not interfere with their lives, but then says they incorporate it into every aspect of their lives, and the spouse knows and she does not care or it does not bother her. It is a form of disrespect to your spouse, whether someone is hiding it and lying, or they are honest about it and say 'take it or leave it' thats the way i am. but a lot of these "i am honest about it' types, do not put up with a lot from their spouse and seem pretty demanding of them. they should also take their spouse for what they are, take it or leave it because that is the way they are, overweight, or low drive. If you (the porn addict) want changes from your spouse, for whatever reasons, look inside yourself and see what you can do to make a better marriage for yourself and your spouse. and continuing to use porn, to me, is not one of them. it is not productive in a marriage, and a sign of something deeper going on inside.

part of the low drive may be due to the fact that the spouse uses porn, and loses desire for their spouse because they lose respect for their husband or wife because they look at porn all the time, and also feel disrespected. its hard to want someone when that happens.

it has nothing to do with how your husband or wife looks, its the addict's issue, our issue as spouses of addicts is to deal with it.

With longhaul, and i will not be disrespectful to anyone, seems to be trying to justisfy it being ok, just because he is honest, and his wife should be ok with it because it is part of him. she has parts of her, that i am sure need accepting as well. I think from the posts I have read, and from what longhaul says, his wife has started to help herself, maybe partly for herself, but for him too. But marriage issues, should not be shared with other family members unless its a life or death or very serious situation and the spouse is ok with that. but this area is for people who are affected by someone addicted to porn or sex and for people who are trying to stop and need peer support. no one expects any addict not to relapse, but this is for people who are trying to get their life together for themselves and their family and spouse. Longhaul has a right to his opinions, and can express them, with respect if he chooses to, but most people here need strong peer support, whatever side of the addiction you are on, not someone who says its ok. because some of these people are really struggling.

hopefully this makes sense to some people.

joybells you did the right thing for you, i know how hard that must have been, and you are so strong to finally make a huge change, because change is scary!