Please read the book Living With Your Husbands Secret Wars. By Means

There is also a workbook called a partners healing journey. I am reading both these and they help alot. Although I think I may never get healing, this is a start. There is also a book for him my husband read called Every Mans Battle, but if he doesn't think its a problem, it won't do much good. I am lucky that my husband knows its a problem and as far as I know hasn't gotten back into it. However, I do have a filter. Bsafe from Focus on the Family. It is awesome. If you share a computer you may consider installing it. It blocks EVERYTHING! and you can keep the passwords and set it at whatever settings you like.

Thank you for your help.He has his own computer and he keeps his pictures and other porn on a little micro chip with passwords I don't know.He's trying to hide it but I'm not stupid.I know what he's doing.

Don't you ever believe that its your fault! I have a hard time with this! I beat myself up regularly thinking that i have something wrong with me or somehow I'm not good enough! Its so much easier from the outside looking in, to tell someone how crazy they are to think it has anything to do with them! I give you props for saying that you won't accept that! That is such a wonderful step. I will be praying for you and your family! My husband is also a addict! Its probably close to if not the hardest thing that I've ever had to deal with! I carry it around everyday! Its like its eating me alive!

This is the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with and I don't wish this on anyone.He recently promised me things would change but they haven't because he was online just a day or 2 ago and he was looking at that stuff again.i've had people here say i have been lloking for a reason to leave my husband anyway but i can honestly say that that is not the case.I am leaving because I can't handle his addiction plain and simple.

I don't think that you r just looking for a reason to leave him! Alot of the time I think that I would too if we didn't have small children! I am so sad too much of the time. The thing is even when they say they will change and stop for a while or for good, you still have issues that take so much time to heal. Like learning to trust again. It is honestly so very hard. They have it in their head that they stopped and now everything is fixed. Not the case. My husband stopped and then everything went right back down hill cause I couldn't fully trust him right the next day! I don't think that leaving your husband is the right thing though! I think that you maybe need to have some serious talks then seek counsel. Do you go to church?

I do go to church and I am also in couselling for other issues and I bought my husband's addiction up in the last session so maybe that will help me deal with it.It's just so hard.

I've never understood why honesty about the subject is so difficult for other men? This includes the need to hide the porn material. I have dvds' and i use the net. My wife knows this and i tell her honestly and she knows where i keep my stuff. She also knows that i have been addicted to sex and porn long before we ever met. She even asked me once if i liked looking at those models having sex because they are much prettier and in better shape than she is and i told her yes and that as much as i love her and am in love with her, that she needs to get back into shape to be more attractive to me. I simply feel that lying to her and denying these things would be insulting her intelligence. So, she starting to get back into the gym and eating right. Will this stop me from self satisfying or looking at porn ? No, cause i still enjoy doing it. But at least i admit it.

I could deal with the porn and stuff if he was honest about it.I weigh 100 pounds.There is not an ounce of fat on me and I keep myself in good shape.The other issue is that he looks at that stuff even when our girls are up and I would rather he not do that.

One of the most difficult things for me was to admit that I had a problem and was a sex addict. There was nothing my wife could do or say to me to make me stop. I have hit bottom a few times and thought at the time that "This is it". I only then started looking for a shovel to make the bottom deeper. Only when the dirt I am throwing out of the hole starts falling back on me, did I realize that this addiction is out of control and unmanageable. I had to find this out for myself. I am in the process of filing for divorce and continue to attend SA meetings and working the Steps (step 4 at the moment).

I just have to smile when I hear over and over again that the husband or wife, says they do nothave a problem.

I say go to www.sa.org and have them take the test , 20 questions to find out.

I'm still hiding out. That is why I came into this room, because I want to open up and say it like it is... I hope I don't offend anyone because sometimes I need to say it like it is. I am tired of needing sex five to ten times a day and trying to call that normal... I have scoured the web all over and can't find any support groups in this area for this addiction... any advice?

Yeah joybells, that is a problem then if he's watching it while your kids are up and about. As much as i crave the sex, i will go without before i risk my kids seeing either what i do or the porn that i have. As for support groups in the area , iwould never go to any cause a) i like the addiction and b) i would probably find myself trying to pick up women there and it would arouse me. Hey, at least i'm honest. The thought of having completely anonymous sex arouses me.

man i just wrote a long reply to you and it disapeared any way im paul i am a porn and masterbation addict but im on th emend im in the best place ive ever been for ages but its hard i still slip up but its hard i am married and its hurt my wife and we are gettting through it but honesty is the best policy i guess i want to say just as it is for him it is for me and that is that you will only change if you want to because it comes from inside anyway i must go its late and im in australia so all the best but please message me and i will write to you as much as you want and i may be able to help you in some way.
all the best paul

Hi, I just joined and want to let you know that you are not alone.....My husband is also an I-porn addict..... I don't know why.....I blame myself and I don't know why I do. I think Every person goes back through their pasts and "lists" all the things that could make this happen. My Husband, I beleave, is hyper sexual and I, am definaitely not. He says that he "wants me, ALL THE TIME," but doesn't want to bother me and so he goes to I-porn. I think we have a good sex life and I try to keep the "spice" in our relationship.....This has really effected the way I look at him, especially knowing that he was looking at it with my 19 year old daughter in the same room....It makes me sick to my stomach to think about it. Don't get me wrong, I love him. I just can't seem to "let it go" I am constantly checking up on him even though I know he has deleted EVERYTHING off of his computer. I just need to learn to let it go and not let him become MY addiction.

You see, that's my problem,...my W has no sex drive or any desire to have any "spice" ,no matter how much we discuss it. On the other hand, i have an old GF whom recently contacted me again after many years. Upon talking to her at length, it's obvious that we are more compatible than my wife and i are in pretty much every way. However, she doesn't want to be the OW, she wants me 100%, which i respect. So, basically, if the wife doesn't start straigtening out, i have other options.

Longhaul... Let me just tell you that the grass IS NOT always greener on the other side! So be careful! It might look pretty but its not! I was married once before to a abusive, alcoholic, porn addicted piece of junk! Thought the grass was greener and went for it! LOL... Had no clue that I'd be in the same boat! He seemed so much different!!!!! NOthing at all like my ex! Well it just took time and it was all the same! So I'd watch it! Flirting and getting to RE-Know each other, then actually being in a relationship are VERY different things! Have you ever tried talking to your wife to see why she has a lack of sex drive? I see that you called her a heffer! Well if you call her that to her face she probably will continue to get bigger and bigger! Alot of women that are put under stress gain a ton of weight! Maybe your addiction has affected that as well! Try supporting her and making her feel good about herself!(I don't know if you do or you don't) The more you want her the better she'll feel, and the better she'll look, and the better your sex life will become! I know when my husband makes visible changes and really tries to be on the right track I'm a way different person! I totally want him a hundred times more (if thats even possible) and he becomes so attractive to me! When he is on the wrong track he looks ugly and talks stupid and I wish I could make him disappear with a snap of a finger. Get her a gym membership with you! Start going together and help her learn how to be healthy with you! She would probably love that and you would feel good about being able to show her the things you have interests in! Just thought I'd share a few ideas!