I see the fact that your wife isn't into sex right now as a blessing. When I needed to choose abstinence to kickstart that rewiring of my brain, I had the desires of my spouse to contend with. Relatively easy since I could tell him and he understood. We've both needed to pull bsck at times in order to be/get well. In your case you can abstain completely and she won't be feeling neglected or rejected. A good start, I think.

How do you know that you're ready to resume your loving, healthy sex life? When it's real desire for your wife, not driven by compulsion or clouded by fantasy. You can use the affectionate cuddling you do share in the meanwhile, and lots of talking/sharing, to build intimacy with her so when you do reconnect it will be on a deeper level.

Maybe you can think of this time, while you're working your stuff out, as a new courtship between you and your wife. Maybe a chance to get to lnow each other better, particularly in this new context of parenting, how that's shifted your experience of each other. It could be a great, unpressured chance to strengthen your connection.

oh,, I'm sorry, you did say it is your first child, well there you go.

let me see if I can find any online link about that:

from Dr Harley - "It's tragic, but true, that the first baby often sinks a marriage. You'd think that it would be the other way around, that a baby would draw a husband and wife closer together. However, there are very good reasons why children in general, and babies in particular, tend to make marriages worse, not better.

It has to do with problem solving skills. Prior to the first arrival, a couple's ability to resolve conflicts is not really put to the test. Peace and order usually reign in marriages before children arrive. There may be conflicts, but they are few and relatively easy to resolve. After the first child arrives, a couple is faced with conflicts they've never seen before, and they often do not have easy answers."

this book looks interesting and funny http://www.amazon.com/Dads-Survival-Guide-Man-Man/dp/0316159956/ref=pd_sim_b_3/179-6499520-5719838

http://www.howhappyis.com/awesome-relationships/5-tips-for-first-time-dads/

fiberjunkie beat me to posting. I have to say I agree with that post too, about using the time and thinking of it in postiives for new potentials. :)

So confessing to beating off to 10+ times a day gets your more replies than the average person can handle.

confessing to having touble getting though each day you are alive gets you ingnored. Moderater, can you move my post to a new board labeled 'Most likely to kill themselves in the next ten days?'

I havent seen that board posted on here yet....

P.S. I'm looking forward to people posting spelling corrections on here.....after all any feedback is good feedback right?

Im sorry if my post offended anyone. I thought I was in the appropriate forum for addictions. I did not mean to belittle anyone else's problems or concerns. But as you put my problem @wpgbic, me "beating off 10x" is a real problem for me that is affecting my life.

wpg? where did that come from? Why did you feel you had to put someone down and be competitive for attention? I didn't see your post about "confessing to having touble getting though each day you are alive". Where is it?

wpgbic, I just searched the whole site for your posts and found only the one this thread and one about smoking in th psoriasis group. Unless you posted something in a member created sub-group, which will not show up in searches.

In any case, berating or belittling the problems of others is probably not the best way to get what you need. There is no group on DS for suicidal thinking for a good reason, because that is more apprpriately dealt with by your local emergency room. You would do better to dial 911.

Hey DS people, I've messaged pobevin and told him I would remove the post if I could. All my lifes screw ups are reaching a boiling point and that was not a good enough reason to hijack his post with my issues.

Just for the Record, I apologize for my actions.