Cold turkey is the best strategy. Anything less and you will just get dragged back in. As you've already discovered, it's progressive so using just a little will lead you right back to where you are now. Rest assured that the discomfort will not kill you. It is the sense of shame, which is temporarily relieved when you use, which pulls you back in. As you move through more and more days of successful abstinence that sense of shame will diminish.

You can get through this.

Abstaining is the best way. Find other things to do fill in the void of not looking. For instance I watched porn online, so I reduced my online exposure to almost nil. I use my time by cooking, reading and doing housework. I also use God as a means to help me through the rough spots and praise Him during the good times. I believe that recovery comes through the spirtual. I tried many times to quit on my own but until I enlisted God's help I was unable. I must also do my part by not looking at porn and not do any of the rituals that lead up to it..ie. fondling myself, fantasizing, masturbating. It was difficult at first especially when I became aroused, but I endured it and the urge went away. The result of your low sex drive isn't only due to the masturbation, pornography is also to blame. It is a progressive illness. If you stop looking at porn your libido will return in a normal way. Don't look at porn or masturbate for 90 days and beyond.Make that a goal. Rejoice everyday that you are able to withstand. Don't beat yourself up if you slip...recovery taks time, patience and courage. There are 12-step groups available too..access them.

fiberjunkie,

I know your intentions are to be helpful, but to tell someone simply that Cold Turkey is the best strategy can be a very daunting and intimidating thing for someone to hear without any practical steps that he can take to get there. As addicts quitting "Cold Turkey" is such a difficult task! This is why 12 step groups and the like are effective.

poebevin,

My advice to you is this: If you are serious about this and want to be serious about beating Porn addiction, you are going to HAVE to be honest with your wife. I know that is difficult to hear, but secrets lead to bondage, lies lead to bondage, all of that leads to guilt and shame, which leads to more acting out.

It is much better for you to come forward and talk to your wife then have her discover your porn addiction on her own. TRUST ME, I've been there, its not fun.

I am 33 and I have been married to my wife for going on 11 years. I only started to truly recover from my Porn addiction in January of this year when I decided to stop the secrets and come clean about everything. I had already been caught several times, but I still managed to keep some things secrets. That is not the way to go.

I would like to refer you to 2 websites that could be very helpful to you in breaking this porn addiction
1. YourBrainOnPorn.com
2. FeedTheRightWolf.Org
These sites focus on Porn addiction and have free recovery plans available with some great tools and things you can try to help deal with the urges and temptations.

eddie, I gave what I had to offer at the moment knowing that others are around who could fill in the blanks. I may not always meet the standards of others. Would it be better to have left him with not even a 'you can do it!' until this morning?

I'm feeling defensive as it is after spending the last two days being knocked around by dictators on another board. Really doing the best I can to give what I can.

Thank you all for your words of wisdom and support. Its good to know I'm not alone. Today is my 1st day and its rough. I ALMOST slipped but I came to this site as well. The hardest part is being alone, if Im with someone I dont have the urge but no one can be with me 24/7. Thank you again for the links and support!

Way to hang in there, pobevin. Each decision is a success in itself :)

The 12 Steps recommend that we don't have to tell someone what we have done if it would make the situation worse instead of better. It seems one person was cautioned not to give advise and then went ahead and gave different advice. The 12 Steps do recommend cold turkey, with help, whether that be medication and/or a support group. The theory is that we cannot do just one drink, and so also we cannot do just one quick glimpse of mild porn.

I noticed that when you got the urge today, your fist day, you were able to come here instead, and that's great.

I also recommend the 12 Steps, and if there is not a 12 Step group here I'm going to start one that is modified to be an 'open' group, as the main group itself already is.

The way the Original Post describes the innocent beginnings and the gradual progression to more and more hard core things is typical.

Confused. Who went ahead and gave different advice?

How long did it take for your "withdrawal" to go away? I don't know what else to call it but going on day 3 and today is rough. I'm comparing it to cigarettes, I don't smoke by my friends who did said the first 5 days were the hardest. I know im retraining my brain and I have even had difficulty sleeping. Im having reoccurring sex dreams about some of the extreme porn I used to watch. I wake up aroused and every time I go back to sleep I find myself picking up right where I left off. I even took an OTC sleep aid just to get to sleep.

The time it takes for withdrawal to diminish varies with each person. But each day you go without giving in to your addiction the easier it will become. I had sex dreams for awhile and do occassionally from time to time. I like the idea you have about "retraining your brain." Thinking is the first step in giving in and the first step to recovery. "Change your thoughts, change your life." You are on a new path of discovery and life. Keep up the great work you are doing.

The way the brain works is this: there are networks of brain cells and between them are little spaces. When we do something a little spark like thing called a synapse connects two particular brain cells, well, actuall a series of them that is unique. The first time we do something we have to think about it to establish that particular pathway of synapses. The second time the pathway is there and we reinforce it, many more times and it gets easier until finally the pathway is like a rut in a dirt road and when we start it we just go along that rut on automatic. At that point it's difficult to get out of the rut and change course. This is what addiction basically is. There are actually some habits that are good habits, while some are bad habits.

The pathway will probably never go away completely, so the trick is not to get in it at all. It is possible to make a new pathway though and this is what works for many. The withdrawal part is that with a habit that is a rut it is uncomfortable, a struggle , to try to get out of it. It just feels 'normal' and trying to climb out of it feels very difficult. But we can tell ourselves that that's okay. The pain of following that rutty road is worse in the long run than the pain of trying to change course.

The sex drive is strong. You said you have a wife? Be nice to make some new healthy pathways with her?

The intimacy with my wife is a difficult one right now. We had our 1st child 6 months ago so timing is NEVER good and she is always tired as am I. On my end, Ive looked at "extreme" (bdsm/taboo) porn for so long (maybe its the shame of looking at it) will hinder MY ability from time to time when she actually wants to.

I understand. Getting into extremes is often because the high keeps needing more and more to achieve. We get desensitized to the level we are at, like with heroin, alcohol, or anything else that we get used to and it seems to get boring,, like our spouses.

Is it your first child? That is a major milestone in life that calls for major adjustments. Some people have more adjstments to make and with more difficulty than others. Perhaps you two could see a family counselor to help you get over the rough spot? It's a big change in our self-perception, and a change in perception of our spouse, as we change roles from being 'young' to being 'responsible' for the life of the baby together. It seems maybe you two are stuck?

She has no clue really. We are both very happy, cuddle on the couch, a very affectionate couple. I have been struggling with my addiction before she was even pregnant. During the pregnancy my addiction worsened since she did not feel comfortable sexually during the pregnancy. She was not in the mood and did not want to be touched, so I found my outlet with porn and it just escalated from there.

Understandable. I think maybe family counseling might help you both in a lot of ways. the kind of family counseling that basically helps normal people over the hurdles of stages of development of each member. Maybe she can come to understand better the nature of your libido, and why cuddling is nice but just not enough for a husband for long. And you might be able to figure out some new pathways that would bring you ahead on your family as everybody goes into new stages.
You didn't say whether this is your first baby?

I happen to have struggled with a very high sex drive also, insatiable really and it's just my physiology. It is hard to keep reined in, well channeled and directed. Life is full of challenges. Some people have lower sex drives, both females and males and they don't understand what the problem is.