Sorry - I accidentally saved the introduction to the above topic, and I don't know how to edit it.

Here's the rest of the introductory post:
Are you single by choice or by circumstances? The single senior of today is often treated marginally by our culture. We welcome your advice, stories, and support on this topic of the state of being a senior and being single.

Welcome!

I am single by circumstance, not by choice. In other words, I had a different plan for my life that included a 50 - year wedding anniversary, an itinerary of the trips we would take together in our retirement, and dreams of special occassions with family and friends. Then, life happened, or, at least the one I have now.

Far from my hopes and dreams, I became a single mother of three little children and little money. I began learning many lessons of independence. When they grew up and left home for their very own lives, I was immediately faced with creating a financial footing for myself. I worked hard to accomplish that, and it took a long time. When I looked up from the 40 years of hard work, I realized I had not only become a senior, but a pushing-70 senior at that! I still work, and although I have accomplished other things very well, I am not celebrating my 50 - year anniversary, nor, wil l ever, and taking a vacation is often out of the question financialy. Actually, I don't like traveling alone, so I don't. Maybe the finances give me a smoke screen to hide behind.

Even after all these years of accomplishment, my heart still aches for the losses. I have enough energy for work, basic tasks of daily living, and an occassional visit with my grandchildren, but the basic energy level is exhaustion. Some days I feel happy, other days I feel as if I can't bear the aloneness anymore. I have no energy or creativity for a romantic relationship or significant other, nor would I inflict myself on anyone else. The real truth is, no one wants me. Period. It's not only true for my life, but a statistic. It is reality. My life is extremely simple.

So far, this is my single experience. If I read between the lines, I know there are many positives. But then, I wonder. At the very least I have learned a lot and have gained many great skills that I wouldn't have gained, married. And yet, I am not "enjoying" being a single senior. Most days it is a drag and I feel alone and lonely. Often I feel just plain frightened.

How can I better "enjoy" this circumstance, this singleness? I am done with just bearing up, making do. If single seniorhood is a way of life, then, even at my age I want to know how to make the best experience possible for myself, with my limited finances, and at my age.

Any ideas from those of you who have fared better? Any stories similar to mine? Who likes being single and why? Who doesn't, and why?

I want to turn this circumstance into a choice at last. I wonder if it is possible?

Thanks for reading this, and I hope you share.

Yesterday I did okay with the Singleness. That is a good day for me. Sometimes I think and feel that the singleness is part of the PTSD, and vice versa. One triggers the other. The PTSD triggers the negative aspects of being single which for me are many, and the Aloneness (part of Singleness) triggers the PTSD. Sometimes it takes the whole day just managing it. Somedays are better. Yesterday was one of those day. It was about a 5, a nice average day with NO abandonment trauma issues.

I am remembering to be grateful for a good day.

Urban, you so elegantly express my experiences at this point in life. I work hard at not being lonely. I attend church, am a member of a volunteer organization and spend time with other single friends. It is all hard work. I so wish that I could find a healthy mate who could share my remaining days as a happy couple. Bottom line I'm lonely and don't have a close knit supportive family.

Being single is not my choice, but it seems to be what I got instead. I am lonely too. Although I have extremely creative work, otherwise I am not involved in organizations because I don't have the time. My work is creative and I'm grateful, and I have to make a living. Another down side being single. Other singles might think of that. as the best but I don't. When I come home, there is no one to cook for or with, and no one to share the eening.

In this group, I am frank and honest, because just writing about in hopes someone will read it and respond, makes the problem less huge. Yes, singleness to me is a proble that I must deal with on a daily basis. I am especially reminded in the evening after work.

Thank you for sharing. It all helps, and maybe having another person who understands, on board, helps the entire task seem less huge.

Urban, I'm so happy to have you to share with. It is hard letting others know how lonely I'm because I don't want pity. I do work hard at living and loving where I am in life because I have good health and that is a huge gift at this point in my life. I so wish that I had a healthy mate to share my life with. Tomorrow I will be attending the funeral of one of my dearest friends and that makes me sad as I will miss her presence in my life. I'm so happy that I had her friendship.
Have a happy weekend doing something you enjoy. I've heard that there are some good movies out now and you can go alone.
With great love,
Betty

Betty, All i can say is "Me Too!" on everything that you mentioned. My life lacks intimacy (not necessarily sexual) and connection because of being single. When I looked up from years of raising children and working to meet financial needs, I was 65. I couldn't believe that I had missed the boat on a marriage partner. I was so busy.

Now at 68 and semi retired I am going through grieving on this. I wonder if there is a way for chronically single people like myself can connect with others, and have intimacy in their lives?

Thank you for your very kind and helpful words.

what a great forum this is.. I have never joined or responded to anything like this ever before because i dont want to make public whats happened to me or how I even got here..to even be in such a place as this is terrifying to me because the fear of being judged or humiliated, which that's all I've ever known . . Im too ashamed and embarrassed to openly share here. Never-mind I cant type very accurately. if only there was a place or way we could meet up or talk to each other face to face somewhere in our own cities even if just on the phone.. How awesome would that be. still I appreciate so much stumbling onto this website where such strong courageous people are willing to share their feeings publicly. If only I had the courage.. If anyone on here is in Los angels or the San Fernando Valley and knows of such a place where I spoke about before or a way to meet or get in touch privately and talk like via phone. I would so very much appreciate it. Thanks to everyone on here and God Bless you. Im crying as I type this because I feel like maybe their might be hope

or just email privately. I have no romantic or phiscal wants whatsoever. just support and friendship

I am soon to be 73. I have considered myself single for 40 years and I must say I wouldn't have it any other way. I like living alone, doing what I want to do when I want to do it.

I especially like not sharing a bathroom.

I do wish my children had not moved so far away. I did not get to watch my grandchildren grow up and now they have children of their own.

They are all too busy with their lives to visit me and travel is too tiring for me.

The biggest problem of being alone is when something breaks and I need a repair man. I just do not like strangers being in my home, knowing I live alone and asking a lot of questions as if my home is a museum.

Dear happy and sixtyplus, We are in this together, and you are not alone.

There are definite plusses to being single, I am sure. In my situation, I can't really see them right now, in that the lack of intimacy, and the everyday challenges of this singlehood keeps my focus on tasks of everyday living. I am challenged on every front of this life style.

Happy, I have a suggestion for finding people to communicate with. It is called "MeetUp" and there are thousands of groups to choose from, and there might be one for you. Los Angeles and the San Fernando Valley is full of people. I loved it when I was growing up there. There could be a MeetUp group for you there.

MeetUp.com has hundreds of groups, each one tailored to a specific interest. I belong to one for writing and wine tasting group which is 5 minutes away from my home. If you can't find one for intimate discussion right away, you might find one that is a good fit for one of your interests. I am a good old introvert myself, but find that sometimes getting out with other people helps my brain chemistry work better. This is just something that I discovered from my own personal experiences. I hardly have time for a meetup, but when I do, I always feel a little better, and the uplift gives me a little more perspective for pressing onward.

Sixtyplus, All my children are in town, and NONE of them ever help me, or fix anything. They are well into their thirties and so involved in their own lives, with their own families that often times I wonder - well, I wonder a lot of things. This is also because as a single mom, I appeared so independent and capable to them, that they STILL view me this way. I am often the one helping them with babysitting, etc. This is part of the reason for this group also. I am still trying to wrap my brain around what looks like their lack of caring while I feel like I am a purveyor of services for them.

When I was coping with being newly single, I had a wry saying to myself: "All I really need instead of a bad husband is a good car mechanic, a good attorney, and a great psychologist". All of those things happened, and they are all still on board, even after over 30 years.

Have you considered "Annie's List" for a good fix it man? Just a thought. I did, and I also made sure they were licensed and bonded. This helps lessen the risk of a scam, and at our ages, the reality is, there are scammers.

These are just thoughts and it is so good to be able to write. Much against my plans and will, I am single, and the absence of a relationship hurts - especially during these holidays. Just writing this out helps me.

Today I am not happy. It rainy and cold, and I am still trying to do this single thing. I am too tired to work today, but, I have to.

I am grateful for my business that forces me out of the house.
I am grateful for my piano students, and the art of music.
I am grateful my adult children are doing so well with their lives.
I am grateful for my grandchildren.
I am grateful for my friends.
I am grateful for the health I still have.
I am grateful for my car. This helps. Thanks for reading this.

Is anybody having any problems with energy? Does anybody feel lethargic for no apparent reason? Does anybody get enough sleep, and still feel tired and lethargic during the day?

My wife of 40 years lost her 3 1/2 year fight with dementia. I was her primary caregiver and was able to keep her at home with the help of professional caregivers 11 hrs. a day. It was rough for me but hell for her. That poor, sweet soul suffered.

It has been more than eight months and my mindset hasn't improved at all and probably never will. So I'm sorry that I'm unable to offer you any positive feedback.

Wbjack,
I am sorry to here about your wife's battle. I know how hard it is to care for an adult. It is so rewarding yet a lot of work. It was a blessing that you were able to be there for her. :) Whether or not she knew it was you in the end, she did know that she received good care.
I took care of an elderly woman of 102 years old. Unfortunately, January will be a year since she passed away. I still miss her as she was delightful. Full of wisdom & humor, a great combination.
Best wishes to you for the upcoming holidays.