Senior Dating & Sexuality Support Group
This community is intended for senior to discuss senior dating and sexuality, and the specific issues that arise for seniors, such as starting over as a widow or widower.
I'm wondering how this is going for other older ladies? My experience hasn't exactly been a resounding success.
I was intentionally alone for 10 years until my youngest child left home and when I finally 'got back out there' it was a shock and an eye opener!
Up til I was 45 my only problem had been getting a night off with ex partners lol! My boyfriends had been very keen and able and had taken the lead sexually. I liked that, it made me feel attractive and wanted.
I 'm totally embarrassed by my naivety when I look back on my first encounter after 7 years on my own. He was 62 and he'd chased me very hard with all the same suggestions and in all the same ways I was used to. We'd been getting on really well and I'd even said I wanted to take things slowly and get to know him better first. I felt I'd rushed into sex in the past and I knew things changed once it became physical. I still thought it was all down to me to set the pace like before and I wasn't at all prepared for what happened. He made me feel very stupid to have expected the performance or energy that I'd been used to in the past. But I just didn't know!
I'm 58 now and guys in their 60's seem to need loads of physical 'encouragement' and it doesn't always work even then. Or it works ok for a few weeks then starts going wrong for them when the novelty factor wears off, which is worse because you think this time it might be ok. The only change I was aware of was what happened to my father who had unexpectedly confided to me that in his 70's he could keep going on and on much longer than he had when he was younger, and that my mother 'didn't seem to mind!'
A male friend said that when guys hit their 60's it's like "Coffee or sex? Coffee or sex? Coffee!" and that he isn't driven by that relentless desire anymore. He said it's a relief.
I don't want to sound like I'm man bashing. Like Marilyn Monroe said "Men grow cold as girls grow old and we all lose our charms in the end". Even looking our best and dressed beautifully we're still more likely to be told to move over and stop blocking the view of the television than to be ravished on the rug in front of it now. Those days are gone. We just can't get their pulses racing in the same way now we're older. My embarrassment was to imagine I still could. It's been a tough lesson to learn.
My head knows this so why can't my heart stop crying? Why am I so sad?
I hope other ladies can prove me wrong
I was intentionally alone for 10 years until my youngest child left home and when I finally 'got back out there' it was a shock and an eye opener!
Up til I was 45 my only problem had been getting a night off with ex partners lol! My boyfriends had been very keen and able and had taken the lead sexually. I liked that, it made me feel attractive and wanted.
I 'm totally embarrassed by my naivety when I look back on my first encounter after 7 years on my own. He was 62 and he'd chased me very hard with all the same suggestions and in all the same ways I was used to. We'd been getting on really well and I'd even said I wanted to take things slowly and get to know him better first. I felt I'd rushed into sex in the past and I knew things changed once it became physical. I still thought it was all down to me to set the pace like before and I wasn't at all prepared for what happened. He made me feel very stupid to have expected the performance or energy that I'd been used to in the past. But I just didn't know!
I'm 58 now and guys in their 60's seem to need loads of physical 'encouragement' and it doesn't always work even then. Or it works ok for a few weeks then starts going wrong for them when the novelty factor wears off, which is worse because you think this time it might be ok. The only change I was aware of was what happened to my father who had unexpectedly confided to me that in his 70's he could keep going on and on much longer than he had when he was younger, and that my mother 'didn't seem to mind!'
A male friend said that when guys hit their 60's it's like "Coffee or sex? Coffee or sex? Coffee!" and that he isn't driven by that relentless desire anymore. He said it's a relief.
I don't want to sound like I'm man bashing. Like Marilyn Monroe said "Men grow cold as girls grow old and we all lose our charms in the end". Even looking our best and dressed beautifully we're still more likely to be told to move over and stop blocking the view of the television than to be ravished on the rug in front of it now. Those days are gone. We just can't get their pulses racing in the same way now we're older. My embarrassment was to imagine I still could. It's been a tough lesson to learn.
My head knows this so why can't my heart stop crying? Why am I so sad?
I hope other ladies can prove me wrong
I'm sorry but you aren't wrong. The last time I was out there dating I was in my 20's and it was all about "the sex". Now that I'm dipping my toe back into the dating pool I have found exactly what you are talking about. Let's just say it...the men have been impotent. There has been all sorts of sexy talk/texting and the interest seems quite genuine but getting and maintaing an erection is just not happening without, like you said, a whole lotta work and the little blue pill, none of which is a guarantee that success will occur.
The two men I had dated didn't even tell me there was an issue that needed to be discussed. I do beleive that with open and honest communication you can find a way to have an enjoyable sex life with men in their 50's and over. Both parties need to be able to open up about their expectations and abilities.
I hope you find that guy, the one who can make you feel attractive and lovable again, and if you do can you see if he has a brother for me? Hang in there girl, Lori
Yeah, why do guys do that? Why do they come on with all the sexy chat and lead us on to think they're a big stud and still up to giving us a good time? Perhaps they're so stuck into their old lines they really believe what they're saying!
One guy actually said to me that women prefer cuddling to sex as if to justify that he had led me on! I just said 'not this woman!' Like he thought I should be grateful to be laying there being cuddled by him!
And one guy thought that when he couldn't get it up it was ok to expect oral from me instead as it was 'so frustrating for him!' As though it wasn't for me!
But still hoping that some women with good experiences will reply
None of this is your fault!
I am a bloke, just turned 60 and until about a year ago, was a walking, talking life support system for an erection. Sadly, that all changed seemingly overnight. Everything still works OK but the little man just needs a bit of encouragement. :}
I guess I was lucky that it lasted as long as it did. A lot of men seem to suffer erectile problems much younger than that. I think that might be in part, at least why there are so many cougars out there.
Good luck in your quest and I hope you can find what you are looking for.
Mick xx
I get very confused by older guys and they say and do things which don't add up so much if the time. They say they're still interested in sex but they settle for a life without it and make do with manual and oral. They're impotent but won't get help from the doctor.
They say older women are still attractive but their eyes betray their real thoughts when they see younger women.
They say that couples shouldn't just stay together as friends for the sake of habit when the spark has gone, but think that embracing and cuddling is enough to keep it alight.
They say they still love their wives while not sleeping in the same bed and although they both lead almost separate lives they say they still get on well together. Isn't that just habit?
I wish I understood getting older.
I think with blokes, the mind is willing but the body just wont cooperate the way in which it once did.
We still think like we are 18 and some even pretend that we are as potent as we were way back then.
For some men, it is just not as simple as going to the doctor and getting a pill. Some have health issues (e.g. certain heart complaints) that just make taking the E.D. medications too dangerous I am one of them.
I don't pretend to have any real answers for you love, I was just trying to explain why some men might do what they do. All I know is that I would consider selling my soul to be young, long, and strong again but that will never happen so I just have to keep on doing the very best that I can with what I have.xx
I'm sorry to admit it makes me angry when my partner acts like he's still some sort of stud to other people and it's all I can do to bite my tongue to stop the snarky comment. I should allow him his little ego boost. It's just a game. He's not rude or suggestive or anything but he's never married and had a lot of girlfriends and still acts like he could give a woman a good time when he's with his friends.
In fact he's making me angry an awful lot of the time now. I'm angry that he waited so long to ask the doc for pills that his BP is now too high to get them. Even though I've been struggling with no real sex for years he had to wait til nothing works at all before he went. Part of me thinks it serves him right. That's stupid isn't it? I don't feel like we're a team at all now. I feel like he withholds sex deliberately though he says he's still interested. He says I need a younger man.
I got so low at one point I decided to do as he said, (though the guy was still in his 60's) but the same thing happened with him. So what's the point? I feel like my time has gone now and that we're just gonna end up sitting there with him gazing at the tv in front of the fire and me doing the crossword while we drink cocoa!
Anyway, I was approached by two men at nearly the same time. One was 43 and the other 73 ( he fudged at first about his actual age ). I went with the older man as I was skeptical about the age difference (I'm 58) with the younger man. I found that the older man is apparently non-functional. He, too, claimed that he wanted to make love to me, etc., etc.
Am I destined to a nonsexual relationship forever as I grow older? Ugh.
no sex, no point in a relationship?
Is that how men in this age group feel also, or just woman?
But I'm 58 too and the idea of living the rest of my life without real sex makes me really sad. My partner says it's all still the same in his head. Unfortunately there's nothing happening lower down!
He is still interested (especially after episodes of Games of Thrones lol) but seems happy with cuddling and stroking, masturbation and oral. He seems to think that's enough but I miss sex. He was quite bothered when I joked that we were companions.
HIs BP was a little too high for viagra so Dr said check it regularly at home and go back when some lifestyle changes had lowered it. He checked it a couple of times and it improved. That was it. The monitor hasn't been out of the box for over a month. That says it all I think. He's just not that interested in having sex.
I used to think that something clicked in women's brains at a certain age which made us forget about sex. Older women seemed to have lost interest and to be thankful that 'all that nonsense' was behind them. But they made it sound like their men were still willing and able.
Couples I know who've been married for many years often say there's nothing physical between them now and they're more like friends. They seem to spend their time apart from each other frantically trying out new independent interests and pastimes to fill the gap.
But how do you start new relationships without the physical intimacy? Isn't that just a friendship?
Maybe tomorrow I'll hear the click in my brain and find sudden enjoyment in things I'd never noticed before!
The posturing and the disappointment have been brutal with the guys I have tried to encounter. It is a blow. I have to just keep walking away.
I am a loving and reasonable person and despite what I have lived through, I remain capable of both love and sexuality and want both. I find that I resent being out both of the information and consideration loop of prospective partners,
ED itself is not as bad as the atmosphere that surrounds the issue.
I needed to vent. It has been both utterly godawful nd completely undeserved,
softy just isn't any fun at all!.
Damn! your life has been the pits these past few years - no doubt at all about that. I bloody should have come over there when I was young and virile and just plain spoilt you for any other man. :))) I bloody near did it that time ya know.!
err sorry for the threadjack, but I just love Boydie to bits. xx