Senior Dating & Sexuality Support Group
This community is intended for senior to discuss senior dating and sexuality, and the specific issues that arise for seniors, such as starting over as a widow or widower.
I'm wondering how this is going for other older ladies? My experience hasn't exactly been a resounding success.
I was intentionally alone for 10 years until my youngest child left home and when I finally 'got back out there' it was a shock and an eye opener!
Up til I was 45 my only problem had been getting a night off with ex partners lol! My boyfriends had been very keen and able and had taken the lead sexually. I liked that, it made me feel attractive and wanted.
I 'm totally embarrassed by my naivety when I look back on my first encounter after 7 years on my own. He was 62 and he'd chased me very hard with all the same suggestions and in all the same ways I was used to. We'd been getting on really well and I'd even said I wanted to take things slowly and get to know him better first. I felt I'd rushed into sex in the past and I knew things changed once it became physical. I still thought it was all down to me to set the pace like before and I wasn't at all prepared for what happened. He made me feel very stupid to have expected the performance or energy that I'd been used to in the past. But I just didn't know!
I'm 58 now and guys in their 60's seem to need loads of physical 'encouragement' and it doesn't always work even then. Or it works ok for a few weeks then starts going wrong for them when the novelty factor wears off, which is worse because you think this time it might be ok. The only change I was aware of was what happened to my father who had unexpectedly confided to me that in his 70's he could keep going on and on much longer than he had when he was younger, and that my mother 'didn't seem to mind!'
A male friend said that when guys hit their 60's it's like "Coffee or sex? Coffee or sex? Coffee!" and that he isn't driven by that relentless desire anymore. He said it's a relief.
I don't want to sound like I'm man bashing. Like Marilyn Monroe said "Men grow cold as girls grow old and we all lose our charms in the end". Even looking our best and dressed beautifully we're still more likely to be told to move over and stop blocking the view of the television than to be ravished on the rug in front of it now. Those days are gone. We just can't get their pulses racing in the same way now we're older. My embarrassment was to imagine I still could. It's been a tough lesson to learn.
My head knows this so why can't my heart stop crying? Why am I so sad?
I hope other ladies can prove me wrong
I was intentionally alone for 10 years until my youngest child left home and when I finally 'got back out there' it was a shock and an eye opener!
Up til I was 45 my only problem had been getting a night off with ex partners lol! My boyfriends had been very keen and able and had taken the lead sexually. I liked that, it made me feel attractive and wanted.
I 'm totally embarrassed by my naivety when I look back on my first encounter after 7 years on my own. He was 62 and he'd chased me very hard with all the same suggestions and in all the same ways I was used to. We'd been getting on really well and I'd even said I wanted to take things slowly and get to know him better first. I felt I'd rushed into sex in the past and I knew things changed once it became physical. I still thought it was all down to me to set the pace like before and I wasn't at all prepared for what happened. He made me feel very stupid to have expected the performance or energy that I'd been used to in the past. But I just didn't know!
I'm 58 now and guys in their 60's seem to need loads of physical 'encouragement' and it doesn't always work even then. Or it works ok for a few weeks then starts going wrong for them when the novelty factor wears off, which is worse because you think this time it might be ok. The only change I was aware of was what happened to my father who had unexpectedly confided to me that in his 70's he could keep going on and on much longer than he had when he was younger, and that my mother 'didn't seem to mind!'
A male friend said that when guys hit their 60's it's like "Coffee or sex? Coffee or sex? Coffee!" and that he isn't driven by that relentless desire anymore. He said it's a relief.
I don't want to sound like I'm man bashing. Like Marilyn Monroe said "Men grow cold as girls grow old and we all lose our charms in the end". Even looking our best and dressed beautifully we're still more likely to be told to move over and stop blocking the view of the television than to be ravished on the rug in front of it now. Those days are gone. We just can't get their pulses racing in the same way now we're older. My embarrassment was to imagine I still could. It's been a tough lesson to learn.
My head knows this so why can't my heart stop crying? Why am I so sad?
I hope other ladies can prove me wrong
And truthfully, for me it's not the be-all-and-end-all if the "little man" needs more encouragement. There is plenty more to do and enjoy...and I really enjoy the kissing/cuddling part of things as much, sometimes more.
I think we all need a bit more of an open mind and open heart towards this. None of us are any younger, after all...
It would absolutely accurate also to say that I have been consistently and deliberately mislead by senior men who behaved as if they were doing me a huge favor while doing so. Unmitigated assholes.
My kindness has been utterly misplaced. Since I am getting burned out by the abusers available in such numbers, I will extricate myself from this pointless and unappreciated exercise in peer group loyalty and it's onto the much younger men. I get as much interest from that group anyway and they seem less impressed with themselves than the self-obsessed elders I have been coping with on such an unrewarding basis.
I'll leave the surly geezers to those that find them beguiling before I am so aggravated with their redundant bad behavior and performance issues that I may be inclined to inadvertently tar a decent peer group guy with the same brush after the first 75 shitty experiences or so... LOL
It has been like dating the same guy in a different body , over and over. UGH.