Rheumatoid Arthritis Support Group
Rheumatoid arthritis is a chronic, inflammatory, multisystem, autoimmune disorder. It is a disabling and painful condition which can lead to substantial loss of mobility due to pain and joint destruction. The disease is also systemic in that it often also affects many extra-articular tissues throughout the body including the skin, blood vessels, heart, lungs, and...
So its been seven months since my diagnosis was made of Rheumatoid Arthritis. Five since Sarcoidosis was added to the list. Six since i started Methotrexate injections. Four months since i started Humira.
Tonight was my Humira injection. I had my mom give it to me since the last four times i tried to give it to myself i kept...pulling back to soon and i wouldnt get the full dose.
I hate this. I hate all of it. I want it to go away. I want to stop worrying about shots and how it will make me feel. I hate feeling icky during the weekends because of the drugs. I do mtx on thursday. I want to be able to just go to the local flea open air market and walk around. Not worry about how much sun because the toxic mix i have on board makes me ubber sensitive to the sun.
I want to not look like a pin cushion every month from the blood draws. I want to be like my friends and go have a drink for the sake of it. Not say i cant because of the meds.
I hate this disease.
*fumes*
I hate making my mom tear up as she listens to me scream as i take my humira. or the fact that my parents dont make much fuss about how they are feeling around me. Because they know i feel worse. I dont want to be the bravest person my mom and stepdad know because they know what this disease will do. My stepdad is a survivor of cancer yet he still thinks im stronger than him. He doesnt think he could do what i do, get up with how bad im feeling. He can tell how bad im feeling just by looking at me and we amend our plans because of it.
I want it to go away. I want to be just normal.
I needed a vent.
Tonight was my Humira injection. I had my mom give it to me since the last four times i tried to give it to myself i kept...pulling back to soon and i wouldnt get the full dose.
I hate this. I hate all of it. I want it to go away. I want to stop worrying about shots and how it will make me feel. I hate feeling icky during the weekends because of the drugs. I do mtx on thursday. I want to be able to just go to the local flea open air market and walk around. Not worry about how much sun because the toxic mix i have on board makes me ubber sensitive to the sun.
I want to not look like a pin cushion every month from the blood draws. I want to be like my friends and go have a drink for the sake of it. Not say i cant because of the meds.
I hate this disease.
*fumes*
I hate making my mom tear up as she listens to me scream as i take my humira. or the fact that my parents dont make much fuss about how they are feeling around me. Because they know i feel worse. I dont want to be the bravest person my mom and stepdad know because they know what this disease will do. My stepdad is a survivor of cancer yet he still thinks im stronger than him. He doesnt think he could do what i do, get up with how bad im feeling. He can tell how bad im feeling just by looking at me and we amend our plans because of it.
I want it to go away. I want to be just normal.
I needed a vent.
I'm young too and just gt diagnosed. I know that feeling of anger. It hurts. It sucks. I know it sounds stupid but the question of "why me?" is legitimate for us. We're young, we want to go out with our friends and live the "best days of our lives." We just want to be normal. I know. It's so angering when you can't be normal, you can't be like your friends, you're always in pain, and to make it worse - no one quite understands why.
I'm angry too.
The most helpful thing I've heard is this: It's a greiving process. You've lost who you once were, what you used to be able to do, who you might have been in a different life. So we have to grieve this like we lost a person/friend. We go through stages. The thing I was told that helped me the most was that it's okay to be mad. It's okay to vent. It's the only way we'll get past it, and discover this NEW self, this other person that we're becoming. Who knows, we might turn out better because of it...? Different? I don't know. Just hang in there and I'm sending lots of virtual hugs. =)))))