I applaud your getting a cleaning person. It's well worth it.

Now this business about paying for the husband's residence when he refuses to work........

feel free to write me off list. I raised two children as the single custodial parent without another adult in residence and worked about 54 hours after diagnosis not including the commute and this included weekends also. there was no one for the primary ponderosa for myself - so at that time finding reasonable solutions other than arguing with little people all the way from pre school through college was important. any contractor you find, good. I can supply a huge ton of empathy. really. and i am sure you will have time for a phone call at 2 am this weekend also :)

we have another person on here Lynne who owns a business near LAX - a large rest. - lynne you around? and used to talk to me about the particulars of keeping a company going with these disease. another particular situation

the dmards (disease modifying anti rheumatic drugs ) are a start. are you waiting for your first rheumatology consult and just scoffing nsaids while waiting?

feel free to private message me

depot

californialynn.....yeah.....looooooooong story. I am hoping that will change when I can officially file divorce, but right now, everything is in my name, so I am financially responsible, but I live in Virginia which is a commonwealth so he gets half of everything even without having contributed to anything. So I wait. Apparently I might even have to pay alimony! It doesn't pay to work, I guess.

depot, I have been seeing a rheumatologist for over a year. PCP thought RA and referred me in April 2015. At first tests were all negative and some symptoms were not quite like they wanted them, so I was told osteo and sent home. Symptoms worsened and I researched osteo and RA and knew they had it wrong. Went back in June of this year and now positive ANA but all other bloodwork inconclusive, so told come back in 6 months with prescriptions for NSAIDs. I am charting symptoms now and when I go back in January I am going to insist on a treatment plan. Would love to talk about the business owner/single parent dynamic. I really was a single parent even before we left, my husband can't have unsupervised visits. Its hard when there really is NO ONE else, just who I pay, and not always then. They are great kids, tho, and I really enjoy them and what I do. Luckily, my work is structured so that I can work from home a lot, but I travel a lot, too. I work all over the state. I am trying to find ways to self-care.....I haven't done that,ever, and there are days.....I don't mind being tired, but this is so much more.

Good for you!!!!

I was dx over a year ago but have had a house cleaner for over 20 years! I'm self employed and run an office out of my home. I am tied to phones 8-5 Monday through Friday. Years ago I got tired of spending my days off at home cleaning with a toddler (took all day) so I have a gal come in every Friday and clean my whole house. Now with the RA I can't imagine ever doing it myself.

Nothing feels worse than overdoing it. It wrecks havoc on our bodies.

MCKVirginia,

I get it about property in your name and "rules of the land" regarding dissolution of property. I went through something similar over 20 years ago with my deceased mom - the stepfather got it all even though he abandoned my mother 20+ years before she passed.

The lesson for me was that there is no good time for a divorce, so better do it now rather than later. But I'm not an attorney....

Now, about your healthcare providers.....methinks you have had some deplorable care and negligent "treatment." I know it's almost impossible, but you need to get better rheumatology care, at least in the beginning. How far are you from Duke in Durham, NC, or Johns Hopkins in Baltimore, MD? You travel......pick a major city and book an appointment with a teaching rheumatologist in their school of medicine.

I'm sorry, I really don't want to make you feel badly, but it sounds like your healthcare providers are out of the Dark Ages. You shouldn't have to prod your rheumatologist for appropriate treatment.

You need to do this for yourself.

see if you can get an mri of a joint or two (wrists??) to see if you have erosive damage (or whichever joint set you think is the crappiest). if you have to chew nsaids there are 17 of them - don't wait on the ones that don't work. better than nothing. the primary might do those. i know you feel torn and can't believe how hard you are pushing your body. the only silver lining I can find is that it gives you less time to ruminate (believe it or not I am grasping at straws). and that physical exercise - staying up and at em for purposes of work - keeps that crappy synovial fluid at least moving around.

I am sorry. Thoughts for this to turn for you on many fronts

depot

I read someplace that MRIs are the best for seeing inflammation, its odd to me that no one has even suggested that at the rheumatology office. I had xrays done and there is some osteo on one joint in my hand, but they all hurt and are bumpy and twisty....starting to look like the "crooked man who walked a crooked mile......" I go to UVA Rheumatology now, UVA is supposed to be a teaching hospital.....cutting edge! But then, cutting edge in VA probably is the dark ages! A trip to Duke would not be worse than a day trip to my office in Tidewater for work, really! Californialynn, I will do more research!

Melly, I have my lady coming every 2 weeks, but may have her come weekly. I feel very much like it was a good move!

Depot, love the straws...

Thanks for the encouragement.

Being your own best advocate is so empowering. YOU'RE worth it!