Rheumatoid Arthritis Support Group
Rheumatoid arthritis is a chronic, inflammatory, multisystem, autoimmune disorder. It is a disabling and painful condition which can lead to substantial loss of mobility due to pain and joint destruction. The disease is also systemic in that it often also affects many extra-articular tissues throughout the body including the skin, blood vessels, heart, lungs, and...
I don't know if I am being over sensitive, BUT...this has NEVER happened to me in my life (and i'm 71).
My left hand has been cripped from RA since late 80s. My right, which had had some perevative surgey (synovecomiy) became identical to the left sometime in the 90s. Today both are deformed, twisted, disgusting, horribly deformed almost fists with enormous joints. Pictures of my hands can be seent at: http://ra-ss.blogspot.com/p/30-years-of-ra.html
So...the other day I went to the movies and out to eat with a friend and a friend of hers whom I had met several times. Over dinner, we were discussing the movie we had seen that led to a discussion of hands and I said that i am self-conscious of mine and often try to keep them out of sight. This woman replied: "Why don't you wear gloves?"
I explained that: #1) I cannot get any gloves on my gnarly hands and in the winter i have to wear MITTENS, and #2) didn't she think that would only draw MORE attention to them?
The more I thought of what she said to me, the more I thought it offensive like telling someone to wear a bag over their head! I beleive she meant well, but...it was at the very least ignorant and not well thought through as a posiitve helpful suggestion.
When it comes to covering your hands or not, that decision should be about what makes you most comfortable, other people can just deal with it
So now, I boldly wear my Birkenstocks, with the buddy loop on the right foot, and the toes off at 90 degrees on the left foot, and if someone doesn't like it they can lump it.
Use it as a teaching moment, I agree. Really, if someone told me to wear gloves to cover my hands, I would probably laugh in their face! It is cruel as can be, but stupid is as stupid does! Seriously, I am sure you are not the first person with disabilities or deformities this person has seen to put in their "place." So I would not feel bad at telling her about your illness, turn about is fair play.
I do sympathize with what you went through. I would probably lose it if someone said that to me! People just don't have training in dealing with people who are suffering. I know my DIL is a doctor, and when my father was dying, she was the one who gently pointed it out to my son and I the symptoms of how sick he was. She was tactful, and never brought it up to my Dad. He sure didn't need it. But she has a lot of training, and most people just are clueless about how to deal with disabilities and "imperfections" like heart disease.
Oh well, it could have been worse - she could have told you about a diet that cures, and would magically make your hands better! Or not! Hard to believe people are still like this, when there is so much information out there about dealing with the kinds of issues we deal with.
That i simply laughed off as stupidity. This felt different. Like I was a pariah or a leper or needed to live in hiding like elephant man! And I KNOW she meant to be helpful! But it's how I FELT.
Also - I have to share that for 10 years I wore leg braces (AFOs) to avoid ankle fusion surgery and as a result I was limited to wearing MENS extra wide New Balance sneakers. TEN YEARS!! Luckily I was never a shopaholic or shoe maven and am mostly a jeans person anyhow! Yes, it was extreme torture in the summer. Just recently (ironically while goin through my flare up!) I discovered that the braces had accomplished what they needed to and I no longer needed them. So now I JUST need my custom orthotic innersoles that can actually fit into women's EXTRA WIDE shoes. So I went about shopping - this is the best part - for sandals with a CLOSED TOE (not easy to find) because I am LOATHE to expose my hideous toenail fungus!! Guess I DO have some vanity.
But comfort is prime.
Can you imagine this woman suggested GLOVES in the midst of a SUMMER heat wave!!! And did she intend for me to e=wear them indoors - even in the winter? Not conspicuous at all!
Happy and Lynn are 100%correct! She's a bright woman but, yes, she opened her mouth and inserted her foot before THINKING. And yes, I have more times than I care to remember.
There are some things that just aren't worth commenting on.