First off, I always use a mixer to make meatloaf and mine aren't tough!

It can be very hard for people to adjust to the new you, especially family. I think in part they are worried and their critiques are just showing that they realize things are changed. and they don't want them to change because that's proof that you are hurting.

I try to plan ahead a little further. For instance, if I were having folks over, I would either do the food prep a couple of days before (you can mix up meatloaf and casseroles ahead of time and freeze them. Then defrost and toss in the oven) or make a crock pot stew or soup. I try to avoid standing in my kitchen (ceramic floors) as much as possible (need to get one of those gel mats!). For personal cooking, I always make twice as much almost every time and freeze half. Then the second meal is easy!

take care.

Cooking is always something that I don't like to do with the constant pain in my hands. I do feel for you. Just this morning I had the darnest time trying to get the lid off of a container. After I accomplished it, I was just about ready to go rest but since we can't rest everytime we get tired I continued on with what i was doing.

Aggie83 suggestion of prepping a few days out is a good one. Good luck and I hope your family understands what you are going through.

Hugs,

I use a crock pot a lot. If mixing meat loaf is hard for you, do easier stuff for your meetings. At Costco they have great chicken salad ready prepared. Easy stuff like that. They would be lucky to get a sandwich at my house!I hate cooking.
But the crock pot makes a great roast. Or nice chicken dinners. Also might help is to buy ready made chicken ...get a rotisserie chicken from HEB..and here is my king ranch chicken, a real crowd pleaser and easy on your hands.
Mix together cut up chicken
One can of mushroom soup
One can Rotel mild spice tomatoes
Get out a casserole pan and start layering tortilla chips on bottom, and you buy shredded cheese, I like the cheddar mix, and layer chips, cheese and the chicken.
On top put extra cheese and yummmmmm dinner fit for a king.
Yes it's fattening, but it's not hard to make for a party.
Make your life easy, and close your ears to criticism. You don't need that. Got to learn to toon that out.
If you like hosting, don't give it up, just make it easier.
And next time anyone complains, show them the bread and peanut butter, and you go sit down and put you feet up.

Don't drop out of your group! Maybe you can find someone else in the group that either has a hard time physically too or who works and would love to pair up with you...so you could host at her house and you bring main course (hence you are only doing cooking) or host at your house and she can bring main course.

If there isn't someone to pair with (although I think any lady in her right mind would see the benefit of this!) then change your main course - go to Boston Market and buy roasted chickens. Or get your husband to make the main course on the grill.

I think your family needs a pow wow on what they just did to you. They criticized their loved one for staying in the game of life and living it! They SHOULD have jumped right in and helped. You shouldn't have done it all alone - how often do you have to host this? Next time, your family needs to jump in - and they can consider it your birthday present or something...an act of loving kindness is one of the best gifts ever!

Thank you all for the encouragement. I won't have to host again until March 5th. We live in a very small community of 500 people. The closest Costco is 120 miles away. So bringing food in (which would be my very favorite idea) is out of the question. The crock pot idea is an excellent one too. Also like the idea of making up the food a few days early. Thank you all for such good ideas. I was really sad at the thought of having to quit. Your excellent ideas will certainly help. I don't think anyone except possibly my mother (her sister had RA) has any idea how bad the pain and the lack of movement can be. I think they are clueless. Thank you for your kind words. It truly does help!

I know this won't help you since you are already done, but when it comes to doing something that is hard on my hands in the kitchen, I in cases like your meatloaf put all of the ingredients in the bowl and yell for my husband or one of my sons to come and do the mixing. If they give me grief about it then I say," Fine, then you don't eat tonight." I will have to say that after explaining it a couple of times to my son he hasn't given me any problem since, My DH always will help me out. He peels potatoes, mashes them, whatever I need. If your budget isn't too tight, then you could buy shrimp, boil them and let everyone peel their own. That is pretty simple to do except for lifting the pot of water.

I feel for you, Grammy. I know your family didn't meant to hurt you, but what they said was totally uncalled for and I know it hurt you. I think you need to explain to your daughter and your husband what you can and cannot do. They should be helping, not criticizing. I have not had friends over in months, and I wish it were different, but I do not have the energy to work and entertain. I sleep half the day Saturday. At least it isn't all day, like it used to be. LOL Humira is starting to help me. I hope your RD can help you with the right combo of meds. So sorry your family didn't understand. Hugs to you.

Hello grammy,
It is really hard for family to realise just what a dehabilitating disease this can be. I guess you have to have it to know.
Using my ancient crockpot has certainly been a great help. There are plenty of recipes on the net. Maybe, when you're hosting and not feeling up to it, you could get a few people to bring a course each.
Freezing food ahead of time is also a great idea.
There also are aids for arthritis such as opening jars, can openers etc which are reasonably priced and make life easier. I do what I can when I'm OK. When I'm flaring I let my DH take over. Fortunately, he likes cooking.
Perhaps you could take your hubby to your next Rheumy appt so he can hear exactly how this beast affects what we can do.
Good luck and gentle hugs

Thank you all for your input and support. This is all so new to me, it is even more confusing to the family. They are used to the Mom who does everything. It has just become impossible for me in the last few months. I suspect that was the onset of the RA. I know this is definitely different from the fibro stuff I was living with before. The RA pain just stops me completely. The fibro just made things difficult. I think DH must be seeing some of that. Last night he was up doing all of the things for me that I usually do for him. It's nice to see that side of him again.

I shed tears seeing all your posts to be there for Grammykat ! its so wonderfull to have a secret family that knows just what to say when needed and right at your fingertips.lol I know this is changing up the catagory but I guess Im having an emotional moment...but on the subject, I do think our familys are also in denial, maybe more than us if they dont go to our visits and like myself, I dont share everything with them..probabley because deep down they dont want to know our pain.so when they see us doing things different than we did before, it may be alittle shocking to take in.my 30 yr old son thinks I can cure my R.A with diet and excercise. when my 33 yr old daughter sees the deteriation happening on my hands she turns her head and says oooh. whatever that means. I have to admit I was in denial with my mom, she had crohns and R.A. I dident even know what autoimune meant untill I was diagnosed and of course it was after she passed away, I felt so bad to have not checked it out and try to understand more about what she was going through and what it was about. so I guess Im still learning how to deal with people myself, I kinda like offtracks idea about just putting your needs out there, they will get it or they wont. Im gonna try that one. and btw that chicken casserole sounds good, gonna try that too.best of luck to you Grammykat, stick with your ladies group! its food for the soul..at least mine was for me, gonna have to start a new one.but I have a hard time keeping plans.

Thank you Tina for your reply. Yes it is wonderful to have all of you out there as a secret family. It's funny, I miss the people that usually have posts, but miss a few days, I find myself praying for them that it is just life that is keeping them away and not this beast! There is a lot I don't share with my physical family. They just don't understand. I am learning that it is normal for them not to. My kids are just the opposite of yours, my son is 33 and my daughter is 30. My daughter lives next door and is in an out all day. I have her 2 kids here often. They sure do know how to brighten up a day. they are 1 and 4. But they can wear a person out quickly too. They both like to snuggle, and I am always up for that. The son lives in the city so only see him every few months. He is clueless. I am really wanting DH to go with me when I see the Rheumy in 11 days. Maybe he will get a bit of the picture.
You are all correct, I should not give up my group It does a person good to have an outlet. God Bless you all!

I'm sorry, yes very hard to read.
What is wrong with people? They just don't get it.
Maybe having them read things like "Letter to Normals" or the "Spoon Theory" or facts about just how difficult, painful & hard RA can be. I was speaking to someone over the holidays & they asked how I was doing. Normally I don't say much but because of this persons involvement in my life I said I was recently DXed with RA. His response was oh Ive heard of it, that's common, there are a lot of people who live with it. I thought you are one ignorant person. Its not something that you just "live" with. IGNORANCE!

Sometimes I find the best way to communicate is with a letter.
People stop listening & already think of how to respond very often when your trying get your point across. So maybe a letter to your family explaining how they make you feel. Tossing some suggestions out there.

Tell your RA some of what you told us. Let him or her know you don't want to give up your life but are struggling here.
As far as dinners that are important I try to prepare things a head of time, give myself an early start just in case.

To be honest I'm afraid of obligating myself anymore. I am on a volunteer list for this huge event at church in Feb. & I'm worried sick. I want to do it as its so important but at the same time I am trying to think of ways in my mind to make sure I'm up to it.
I usually don't obligate at social functions but this is different.

Its hard but I'd fight like mad before giving up anything I enjoy. Maybe purchasing pre- made food for your group dinners. I know its not the same but its an option.

Adjustment is hard enough & family support is crucial. Another thought is having your doctor talk to a family member. Helped with my husband, although the man still lives in denial. I realize its to protect himself though.

You have my understanding & hope that things improve. I wish you the best with your appointment. Hopefully the doctor understands you want to keep as much norm & quality in your life as possible. We give up enough.
God bless, Sammy

I'm dealing with a similar issue, on the family aspect of things.

I am in school, trying to get my degree in Clinical Laboratory Sciences.
Now, I had a great career which was taken away from me by a car accident. It didn't make even $25K a year, but I was really good at it.
So I had to deal with that loss.
Whilst recovering from that, a year ago they screened me for autoimmune issues . . . and I felt like I hit bottom. I'd just started school the fall prior.

So now, everyone is "worried" that I won't get myself managed, then I'll be stuck with a degree and no way to earn income because of my condition.

I emotionally and physically cannot give up on this. If I do, I am giving up on me. I have to have faith that the science of medicine and some lifestyle changes are going to allow me to be a productive member of my family. If pred didn't help, etc. it would be one thing, but it does and it has shown me that there is hope and that I wasn't crazy to expect to get managed.

Maybe it is just the MTX stressing me out. IDK, but I am really emotional today. UGH