I'm so sorry about your niece. I have a couple of cocktails for stress...I know it's not the best answer but that's all I've got.

Oh, I am so sorry for your loss! I am very type A and I have a hard time finding things to relieve my stress. I do knit a little and find that relaxing. I can't do it for very long, but it will take my mind off things for short periods. It's hard if my hands are too bad, but on lesser pain days, it does help. I do puzzle books and things like that, simply because it slows my brain down.

It's not much, but it's about all I've got. Sorry...

I've thought about opening a bottle of wine. Maybe I will...I have blood work every month so if anything happened it would be caught early, right? LOL

Morgan.... I just can't seem to focus on things for very long but maybe I'll try puzzle books. I do have a couple of those here.

Thank you.

Rcross - I'm so very sorry for your loss. I wish I had the right words, but I don't think any really exist for this kind of thing. : (

When I am particularly stressed and/or emotionally distraught, I turn to my Mandala coloring books, which feature geometric pattern designs within the form of circles. You can use pens or coloring pencils - and it takes some focus. It can be considered a form of meditation - definitely so for me.

When I get really into coloring one, the rest of the world just disappears and it puts me into a relaxed state.

What's odd is that my RA affects my hands and fingers a lot, but I have no problem doing this (so far). I use Prismacolor pencils because they glide very nicely.

If you are interested, go to the Amazon website and type in "Mandala coloring book" - you will see lots of choices.

Another recommendation would be to get some various meditation apps on your phone or some meditation CD's. I have big cushy headphones (worth every penny) and I use them to calm and soothe myself with different guided meditations. There are so many to choose from. I must note I never thought of myself as one who would enjoy meditation but I love the "guided" kind - it just completely sends me into a relaxed state of peace.

Hugs to you during this challenging and painful time.

So very sorry about your neice...You and your family have been in my thoughts and prayers..... that would be very stressful... stress can be so hard on our bodies so it would be good to keep it away as much as possible. I go into my craft room and make some greeting cards or work on my scrapbooking. Plus when I start to think of sad things I try to change it around and think about the things I can be thankful for. I too like word puzzle books. Maybe get a few funny movies to watch so you don't have to think just laugh. Also I love the 50 and 60/s music so I would put that on and sing along... music really helps me. I would think that your blood work would show that you coming into a flare as long as you are sero-positive. Plus maybe talk to your doctor about a med to help if need be just for a short time.

Hi RCross, This is very difficult to deal with. Death s difficult in and of itself and especially when it is unexpected and tragic it makes it so much worse. Sometimes it may be helpful to talk to a professional or even to join a group who have been through something similar. Sometimes that helps. These things are hard to get through alone sometimes. You must be careful as the stress can send your RA into a tizzy. I am praying for you still. Will send you a PM.

Keeping busy-is a great distraction

We are all here and are able to relate and support one another in ways that no one else can. I sat here and read your post and I honestly have no way to even begin to relate with what you must be going through. I can only tell you how my heart is sorrowful for you and what you must be going through. I can only imagine that if I was in your shoes, my mind would be racing day and night.

I wish you quickly to find whatever it is that you find that will relax your mind a bit. I'm afraid that you nailed it when you said "it will take some time".

Our thoughts are with you as you endure this harsh misfortune you have been dealt in life.

RAfighter

I did not know how to respond to the post about the taking of your nieces life. I'm very sorry and saddened by it and also feel quite impotent in that I had no words to help. I was driving through Texas, about to enter LA when the amber came through on my cell.

Try this, volunteer at a day care, pre-school program. That would be taking the the stress and all reminders of what has been lost head on which may help you in helping the surviving siblings to face forward toward positives instead of the introspective dwellings upon a horrific event. Maybe the love and sweetness of the children at places suggested will help with healing.

That's a tough one. I dint do well long term situations add to my pain.
Your situation must be a emotional nightmare.

I have a best friend whom I'd not trade for the world.
We vent to each other through our toughest times. We can be on 24 call if something major is going on.
She's my saving grace. I try to read or keep busy if my spin allows. Most important my faith. It's carried me through my toughest times.

This is a grieving process for you.
It's going to be a rocky path at times I'd imagine.
Reach out if need be. I truly hope you gain peace.
Blessings Sammy

What has happened in your family is not all right and it never will be. This is the sort of thing you don't really get over, ever. You learn how to live with it, you learn how to go on, you will smile and be happy again, but this type of horror leaves a mark. Don't try to pretend things are OK: they're just not, especially this soon after.

Don't even bother trying to do the holiday things that are expectations rather than a source of joy. People will understand if the the fussy little cookies just don't happen this year. The party you would have forced yourself to go to last year you get a pass on this year if you like.

One other piece of advice: be super careful driving. You are probably much more distracted than you realize. A fender-bender (or worse) you don't need.

Thank you all for the advice. I am very thankful to have the support group. I'll definitely try these ideas. As for Christmas stuff...I'm just taking it one day at a time. I haven't put up a single decoration yet, which is very unusual for me. If the family wants to do it this weekend I will, otherwise we'll manage without it.

Ros, I think there are a lot of good suggestions here, and I'm still trying to figure out how to deal with my emotional stress. Keeping busy or giving yourself projects might help. Sitting in a bath is relaxing, but it just makes me think more too.

But I did want to express my sincere condolences and send you and your family good, positive wishes. Do remember to take care of yourself as best you can. It's very important. Best wishes.

There are so many ways we all have stress in our lives and you certainly have a tough Christmas ahead. I hope the kids can find a way to enjoy the season and remember all the good times with their mom. Not going to be easy to do. Our thoughts are with you.

Don't you wish we could all just run away? I'm feeling that big time right now. Not interested in Christmas at all and all the added financial stress with my husband out of work now for almost 7 months, and he has zero understanding of how that added stress is affecting me and has zero desire to curb his spending and habits.

So frustrated right now. I hate everything that's going on around here.
Financial stress, stress with his son who is in a lot of legal trouble, stress with ongoing health uncertainties. It's just too much.
Dreaming of a private beach, a good book and total peace. Seems that's only going to happen in my dreams.