I'm so sorry this has happened to you and your family. Death is hard enough to deal with, but when it happens like this, it's just heartbreaking.

Stress is a major flare trigger for me. The best way I've found to deal with it is to get off somewhere by myself and have a good cry. Just let it all out. The pain will still be there, but I find it helps me to deal with it better.

I am so sorry to hear about this family situation. It must be a nightmare for your family.

I personally would seek grief counseling of some sort. I go to Alanon weekly and it is so helpful to have a supporting group. They even help me with RA issues.

As far as Christmas this year, my motto is Keep It Simple...

Xxoo much luv

RCross,

I know that there really isn't anything I can say to reduce you emotional pain right now and for that I am very sorry.

I am an avid reader. I find that if I don't make time to read a book I enjoy (almost always fiction) I get down right cranky! As a Type A personality reading is really my only escape in this world. I find that if I am reading a good book I can escape into that world and forget about the real world while I am reading. It is also pretty gentle on the joints, LOL.

I know reading for pleasure is not everyone's thing but if you are a pleasure reader (no ra research stuff) maybe a trip to the bookstore is what you need.

I hope you can stay well. Please know that you are not alone in this. ~Lori

RCross.,

I meant to tell you how very sorry I was to hear of your niece. It's dreadful and brings tears to my eyes.

One thing to remember is that you will be going through the grieving process (DABDA). It takes a toll on you emotionally so try not to let it throw you into a flare.

Do you have a family member or priest to discuss your feelings with? I think getting it out in the open and talking about it would be less harmful to you than holding all of your feelings inside.

I saw you have deactivated your account. I sure hope you come back to check on your on-line buddies. I miss you already.

When you are ready, please consider coming back. Your advice to everyone was sound and compassionate.

Please accept my condolences for your niece. I know this is a rough time.

Warm regards,
TheWino

So sorry for your loss Rcross. In November I lost a niece to suicide. A little different from your situation, but a similar set of emotions.

Each of us handles death differently. I learned this early on when my kid brother died in an auto wreck at age 16. My father shut down emotionally and threw himself into work while my mother couldn't stand to work and could only talk about her son. I found out that I was one who had to make death into a life lesson, something to learn from, something to instigate a change. For my niece I'm now discussing suicide with my students. I'm now watching for the signs ever so closely.

Not sure what type of griever you are. This aspect of your personality only you know. That's how you're programmed to handle stress.

Prayers are with you

I'm so sorry for all you are going through. I can't imagine the pain you and your family are in and my heart goes out to you.
I find meditation CDs to be very relaxing. They help me let go of all the tension in my muscles, and quiet my mind. Give it a try. I have a Spotify subscription- lots of options for mediation albums there. I would bet you could find some on Pandora or iTunes as well.
Honestly, time is what will probably bring you the most peace. You just have to make it through the days, keeping busy and finding ways to relax, as you are doing. I wish I could wave a magic wand for you and bring you some peace.

you need to be treated by all, with gentleness and kindness.

like the world should wrap you in flannel.

that's what I wish for you

Ros

I am so very sorry for your loss Rcross. I think losing a loved one causes the kind of stress that probably won't respond to much but time. Last year my niece was brutally beaten and raped. She survived thank god, but that still affects us all to this day, her the most of course, but all of us that love her also.
sherrie

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. Mere words can't really assuage the pain, but know that there are others our here who are lifting you up.

It will be helpful to find someone to talk to.

For the times when you don't want to talk, I like the idea of coloring. I took some Zentangle classes this summer and that is wildly calming and therapeutic, but it can be hard for me to hold the pen for too long. There are lots of instructors around. I live in teh middle of nowhere and there is a class 15 minutes away.

I find quilting therapeutic for me too. It's art and math and creating positively. I like to make things and give them away. Some days I can't sit at the machine very long, and some days I can.
Taking a class on something creating can help put you in touch with people and that's a good thing.

What you've gone through is something none of us nor you could have imagine ever happening but it did to you. My heart goes out to you and the family of your niece. Stress is probably the number one thing we who have RA have to deal with besides the pain. It takes it's toll over time. I guess I deal with it by being on the computer and talking to people like those on this board. I also belong to a recipe site that I've been a member of for over 12 years and have grown to love and respect so many people on there. I get comfort from them as well as those here. I also use photography as a release and video making. Of course, I have my baking and cooking that helps tremendously. I think everyone needs some type of hobby, it helps to relax you.

I know you terminated your account so I doubt that you will see any of these notes, but I just want to say that what you are going through, on top of RA, is something most of us will never have to deal with. I cannot imagine the added stress that this tragedy has added to your life. And then to have to deal with bs here is so uncalled for.

I will miss you sweet RCross, and I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
Hugs
Debbie

I'm so sorry for your loss I too know how devastating death is. My only child was taken from me when he was only 22. By the Grace of God I made it through. May his angels lift both you and your family up and hold you in their hearts. Please consider coming back to our group. You have so much to give this rag tag group.