Better in what way?

That's the point of the question--YOU tell ME.

I guess I'm not understanding the difference between a resolution and how things will be better because in my understanding a "new years resolution" is supposed to possibly help make things better (if the resolutions is committed to).

Well I just followed though with a small drawing and it makes me feel like I remember. So I will be truer to my creative spirit.

My new years resolution to train for a triathlon when I don't even run or swim much is not looking too promising. But who knows I just might be able to. Yeah right. no but maybe??!

I mean, I don't want to know that you plan to lose X pounds or read 5 books or finally go to the Grand Canyon or start jogging. Those are resolutions. Think...deeper.

I want to know how your LIFE will be better, what will be actually different for you, this year. What you intend to change in a REAL way, not cosmetically.

---I want to know how your LIFE will be better, what will be actually different for you, this year. What you intend to change in a REAL way, not cosmetically. --

Thank you. This clarification helped.

Not sure what my answer is yet. I'll need to do some thinking.

Catroot

Being truer to your creative spirit sounds like a wonderful change.

With all my heart, I wish I had an answer. Guess I have some work to do.

I will not let fear stand in the way of my goals. So I will be more courageous and more of a do-er...basically I will LIVE this year.

2011 was all about learning to keep my head above the water. 2012 is about learning to walk on it!

I'll be even more proud of my difficult times, not less. And defiantly so. I'm self-sufficient now, so I owe nobody anything, except for a huge "THANK YOU, AND I LOVE YOU" to my friends.

My opwaagin (prayer pipe) will serve a major role in the next year as well (see most recent journal).

Your resolution makes me smile - because you should be proud of the difficulties you faced. The way you handled yourself with the utmost decorum and courage was and is inspirational. The way you have fought back from something that was so traumatic and violating...you are a survivor!

I am in a bit of rough waters lately.

I thought that this year that I will become more of the person that I was meant to be. I am going to work on removing the binds that I have held me. I am going to pursue the things that give me true joy.

2011 was certainly about strengthening connections with other people. Which I am sure will help me as I have a year of laying life framework ahead.

2012 looks to be a year of learning. I'm still learning about me piece by piece, learning about myself within a healthy romantic relationship, and I'm also returning to school. Collecting my building blocks, I'm excited!

2011 was an awakening for me, it was like opening a summer home that had been closed and left silent for years. I opened windows and dusted off old issues, that needed adressing. And even though often painful, I do think I am better for it. Ups and downs and inbetween!

2012 - I am continuing in school. I walked into fishes office the other day and told her I was tired of being afraid all the time, and I wanted to stop....she just smiled as if she has been waiting for me to say that. And she says "then it's time"...so I am going to do my best to deal with things head on this year. We will see how things go. Going to school full time was a major step for me, and in the process faced the fear of failure, we will see how my second semester goes....

Last year was full of school, anxiety, worry and fear about making ends meet. It was full of trying to get through the connections that triggered flashbacks and dissociation at fish's office. It was about making it day-by-day, sometimes literally.

This year is full of hope that I will find a job soon, now that I have completed my degree requirements, and be able to help with our financial woes, and get us on more solid ground. It's about boosting my self-esteem, finding the courage to stick to boundaries, and rely on the few friends I do have when things at home are too stressful and I need out of the house (like yesterday). It's about finding a way to enjoy time with my husband and actually be a part of our time instead of dissociating. It's about feeling like I'm something more than a house wife and mother, that there is more to my life, that I am an individual, and that I have friends, even if they are mostly online.

Basically, it's about finding the "me" that's buried inside all of the pain, loneliness, and feelings of worthlessness. The me in the back corner of my mind that I have never really seen fully.