Resurrection After Rape Community Group
Discussion, question-and-answer, general social support, and journal processing for progress-oriented rape survivors. No crisis, no damaging or triggering conflicts--this is for individuals who want to contribute to collective, cooperative action toward the goal of making actual PROGRESS through rape trauma. Much of this work is based on the book "Resurrection After...
As we all start to anticipate the 2012 retreat, there are a few things I can't help but say because, well you know, I'm annoying that way.
A couple of ideas and some advice:
First, as people begin to plan travel, keep a couple of things in mind. It's obviously not possible for every traveler to also solve the travel needs of every other friend of theirs, so inevitably we'll find that some travel arrangements are solved while others aren't. Everyone please bear in mind that this is just how things happen when large groups make complicated plans. We have plenty of time to work on solutions to travel issues, but in the mean time please have a spirit of patience and bear in mind the importance of not taking it personally when there are any preliminary "gaps". In other words, not every person's plans will be immediately settled, so don't worry that an "unsettled" plan this far in advance has anything to do with your ROLE in this community. "other peoples' rides don't have room for me" is not the same thing as "other people don't like me/I'm not included, etc." It'd be awesome to have a simple transport solution that included everyone from every region altogether somehow, but the Hogwarts Express just don't run over here way. :)
Second, please approach the retreat with its purpose in mind. It is intended to be social, but it is intended to be so much MORE than that. May 2012 is not "go and hang out with the group...oh yeah, and do that Retreat thing too." The retreat is something many people work HARD to offer as a time and place of solace, spirituality, healing, and growth, not just merriment. Please make those goals foremost. To be blunt about it, I'm straight-up asking that people arrive in Oklahoma eager to use the time for those goals; it's the best way to honor the countless hours of volunteerism and hard work that a lot of people put into this to try to offer an opportunity for personal growth.
Last, please remember that solidarity is an essential part of survivorhood. In the times when people DO entertain, please remember to include the others. I'm asking that we not do "invitation-only" entertainment, because the people who aren't invited do indeed notice, and they do indeed feel it.
Now, let's talk about some retreat possibilities.
Stillwater has a superb ropes course that I'd love to consider. It's safe and exciting, and adds something creative we haven't done before, and it accommodates all fitness levels. Check it out at http://campusrec.okstate.edu/outdooradventure/challengecourse and tell me what you think. We could book the entire course for ourselves.
Other ideas?
A couple of ideas and some advice:
First, as people begin to plan travel, keep a couple of things in mind. It's obviously not possible for every traveler to also solve the travel needs of every other friend of theirs, so inevitably we'll find that some travel arrangements are solved while others aren't. Everyone please bear in mind that this is just how things happen when large groups make complicated plans. We have plenty of time to work on solutions to travel issues, but in the mean time please have a spirit of patience and bear in mind the importance of not taking it personally when there are any preliminary "gaps". In other words, not every person's plans will be immediately settled, so don't worry that an "unsettled" plan this far in advance has anything to do with your ROLE in this community. "other peoples' rides don't have room for me" is not the same thing as "other people don't like me/I'm not included, etc." It'd be awesome to have a simple transport solution that included everyone from every region altogether somehow, but the Hogwarts Express just don't run over here way. :)
Second, please approach the retreat with its purpose in mind. It is intended to be social, but it is intended to be so much MORE than that. May 2012 is not "go and hang out with the group...oh yeah, and do that Retreat thing too." The retreat is something many people work HARD to offer as a time and place of solace, spirituality, healing, and growth, not just merriment. Please make those goals foremost. To be blunt about it, I'm straight-up asking that people arrive in Oklahoma eager to use the time for those goals; it's the best way to honor the countless hours of volunteerism and hard work that a lot of people put into this to try to offer an opportunity for personal growth.
Last, please remember that solidarity is an essential part of survivorhood. In the times when people DO entertain, please remember to include the others. I'm asking that we not do "invitation-only" entertainment, because the people who aren't invited do indeed notice, and they do indeed feel it.
Now, let's talk about some retreat possibilities.
Stillwater has a superb ropes course that I'd love to consider. It's safe and exciting, and adds something creative we haven't done before, and it accommodates all fitness levels. Check it out at http://campusrec.okstate.edu/outdooradventure/challengecourse and tell me what you think. We could book the entire course for ourselves.
Other ideas?
[I now have a horrible feeling that when I try to register for the next retreat, I will be notified that my registration is denied.]
;)
The retreat is going on 4 years old. Having gone to the very first retreat, where we all were 'newbies', let me just say to everyone. If you want something from the retreat YOU have to be the one to work to get it. YOU have to be the one to set your boundaries and if YOU feel something isn't right or that you would like to do this or that...YOU have to be the one to see that you get it.
The best part of the first retreat, was the sense of friendship we created, while making sure we took care of ourselves emotionally. As the years have progress that key part of interaction...us taking care of ourselves, has seemed to be overlooked.
Before that first retreat Mary gave me some advice for this retreat and I shared it with Matt so someone in 'charge' could help if need be. Off the top of my head I can't remember it exactly but it went something like this...."You are going to the retreat for you. You are responsible for taking care of you. If someone is struggling there are going to be people there that are trained to handle it ...don't feel you have to give up a part of your experience to care for someone elses needs.
As far as the time before the retreat being all going out and hanging with friends and 'oh that retreat thing too"... As far as I'm concerned that 'hanging out with friends' and the retreat are not exclusive of each other but a key part of my experience. You know, for far too long I've lived with aspects of my life separate from one another and refused to allow them to overlap. This retreat is for me, a place where I learned I can have it all together, integrating ALL of me together in one place. That was the most special thing that came out of the first retreat for me. The retreat allowed me to see that I could merge them and still feel like ME.
I'm not by nature a serious sort of person. But that doesn't mean that I'm not a spiritual or reflective person.
I think we all go to this retreat for different reasons and I think we all need to acknowledge and respect that. I don't go to talk about trauma, I talk about that enough during the year...I go to spend time with people I've grown to love and care about very much in a place that affords us the opportunity to feel whole.
You're not going to believe this Matt...I've found a way to blame you for this. Remember at the end of the first retreat and several of us missed our flights and none of us could get flights out til Tues? Remember what you told Brandy and I when we called and told you that the two young-uns where with us and they couldn't get home, were too young to rent cars or a hotel room? You said 'Well I'm taking care of Bill, he's missed his flight too...can you see that the two of them get home ok?" So we did. In that process I learned that you expected way more from us that we ever thought we could handle...but we did. You expected that the retreat be a SOCIAL as well as spritual opportunity ...it was................ So your point is what??? You want to be invited to the after party?
"Popular Crowd"......I hate idea has been injected into this retreat. It was stupid in highschool and it's even more ridiculous at my age. I never bought into that in highschool and I refuse to buy into it now. I am among friends when I'm there...that's all there is. There is no 'crowd' as far as I'm concerned.
I loved the retreat, it was a very very good thing for me!
Part of taking care of myself -- and this is a hard part for me -- means not running off by myself if I'm falling apart. Tonya gave me that advice my first night there and it was one of those simple but brilliant things that stayed with me. The wonderful thing is that none of us are alone there...none of us need to be alone...and Matt acts as if it's a privilege to sit with you when you are having a meltdown.
I had "goals" for both retreats. They weren't lofty and nearly impossible, so I wasn't setting myself up for failure, but they weren't exactly easy either. They represented areas I felt I was ready to move forward in, and I was ready to take the risk of stepping out and making an effort even if I wasn't sure how things would turn out. Each time, there have been immediate benefits, but it's been a beginning of growth and healing that continued over the following year.