How what can we do to make it better for you next year?

Cause you can be kinda cool to hang out with!!!

hmmm, lets work on figuring out a way to make sure that isn't so much the case for next year. I will start thinking up ideas for that just as soon as my brain gets set back to "normal" :)

A lot of it was just trying to get Bill, James, and Angie to and from the place, adding up to a couple of hours of driving back and forth to town every day. And picking up the pizzas, and building the fire, and..and...

You all were an AMAZING help. I appreciated all the help during the camp cleanup at the end, too. And the patience with River and Cedar.

Hey, River and Cedar took no patience at all. They are lovely, lovely boys and I so love hanging out with River. I came with the thought that this would be my last retreat, I had decided I did not want to be 'defined' by this stuff.....yeah I know - that one will keep Fish busy for a while. But, then River said to me at Eskimo Joes - "see you next year" and gave me a big hug ...how can I refuse that?

Please do think how we might help lighten the load a bit next year, we would all pitch in and actually helping you with stuff means we get to hang out anyway. just please don't ask me to drive on the wrong side of the road...although, I did manage to sit in the front passenger seat of the car this year which was a major achievement!

I was talking to Angie at lunch today, and she said that she hoped people would eventually not be "defined by it" and outgrow the retreat, too. But I said that I thought something else would happen: people would indeed outgrow feeling "defined by it," and yet continue to come because it's evolved into a meeting of friends in a happy community. We become defined by camaraderie, community, laughter, solidarity--all those HEALTHY things--rather than by some former "it." I wouldn't pass that up for anything! And hopefully, you'll be there each year to watch River become a young man. Perhaps someday it'll stop being the "Survivors' Healing Retreat" and become something else entirely, like a "Celebration of Connection Retreat" (or "reunion")?

I am up for anything to help make it easier on you. Also the kids are great it wouldn't be the same without them/

Matt - you said it! That is kind of how I feel I want to feel! Glad you feel that way too - but just wonder how we do it with newbies coming through - maybe we will be the village elders there to root for them on their way? Who knows, but I am glad you get it.

We were all outside talking and saying how cool it was that they boys will grow up to be the kind of men who really get what it is to respect women. How they will say that they got to run around exploring the campground, getting toys and eating smores for breakfast, like a ton of aunts and older sisters.

They really do contribute to it for us. Cedar made me realize something that I will share with you another time. Each year, they are good for us too. They will be good for us as long as it's not too much for you and Tonya.

Btw Matt, I did love how you put it, as in returning each year.

And Brit, of course you'd be a village elders!!!! That's what were all here for, to support each other and learn from each other :)

talk to bill...i bet he wouldn't mind letting us pick him up or take him back. we think he's cool and would be happy to hang out with him. just be careful what car you put him in and what mix of women are in it...i.e. don't let liz and me be in the same car with him. and always have a hammer on hand just in case! and, by the way, you CAN pump up a tire with a bike pump...i've done it. and it was a trailer full of horse poop so it was heavy!!!!!!!!!

anyway, you can trust kara to pick him up...she can handle crazy car stuff! that would lighten the load. and i'll be happy to join her!! we're here to help!

I love this view. It is just perfect. I would like to say that Oklahoma is always in my heart. As I was coming and leaving to the retreat, this feels like the family that I never had growing up with the unconditional love. I am pretty sure that I cannot outgrow my family. It took me this long to find them.

I am happy to pitch in. Pitching in always is great!! Lots of people helping - it goes fast!!

Well, I envision them as growing into volunteers. I see River eventually handling the rocks for our sweat (he wants to ask James to train him to run sweats someday). I also noticed that the first year, everyone was new at the same time and the emotions were SO much more "raw." As we've grown, we've also seen women who were "raw" in previous years become more confident and role-modelish later. The natural evolution of the retreat seems to be that more and more women in stronger and stronger places in their lives are serving as "latticework supports" for incoming new women--resulting in a gentler feel to the ENTIRE group. As long as our elder role models stay active, the new arrivals will have SO much more comfort while they're there too, and the healing will come faster and more powerfully. Soon, this won't even be "trauma camp"--it's be a TOTAL celebration/festival. My goal is to slowly take this from being the "healing retreat" to a "Celebration Festival" for us.

Seriously, can you imagine a teenage River working those rocks for us? Cedar's not into sweatlodge things and that's fine, so his role will grow in another way, I'm not sure yet. In a private talk yesterday, I asked river if it made him feel bad to see women cry, or if it upset him to be in the group when people are struggling. He amazed me: "No, not really. I just think they need to express themselves, and that group is helping them do that. That means crying is a way to express themselves that will make them stronger, and that makes me happy." WHOA! (those are his ACTUAL words, by the way). So he gets it, too.

OMGoodness...I totally made a new buddy! Cedar! We had fun together...although he put a hurting on me when it came to geography!

And River, his eyes revealed his heart. WOW. What a little fella!!

Thanks poodle for that vote of confidence...a blowout like that would have taken anyone else out!

That boy has a real gift for compassion. I loved referring to him as "boy" all weekend too ;)

I love your vision Matt. What would you do differently in a healing retreat vs a celebration festival? Just curious...