Rebuilding Marriage After Infidelity Community Group
A community for those who have been through the heartbreak of infidelity and decided to stay with their partner and try to re-build the relationship.
Husband left for his one year overseas on Friday morning. Supposedly their was no contact between him andOW. I cried and he hugged me and promised that things were going to be ok. We've been "working" on things, talking about the future, about buying a house, about leaving current location and going to a new location, in his words "to start a new chapter in our lives". He was been more affectionate and saying I love you more often.
Yesterday I found out that the OW also left in his flight (fact that he obmitted to tell me).
He bought an Ipod and is linked to his email and today I discovered a chat between him and her while they were waiting on the plane.
What I thought about an EA it sounds like it actually became a PA. Him telling her how cute she was, how much he wanted to kiss her.
The pain, the hurt, the betrayal....................at first I was just upset and I just wanted revenge now I just want to die. We've been married for 11 yrs, 3 kids.....I don't think I can handle more lies plus he is going to be overseas with her for a whole year. I thought about keeping it to myself and file for divorce but I want to confront him so bad. What do you recommend? Should I confront him? It will be hard cause he is in the other side of the world. I just want to scream at him that I know the truth, to stop lying,
He did asked for a divorce, he did told me once before he was interested in somebody else and I held on to him, I told him he couldn't do this to his family and he stayed but he stayed cheating. Now he said he wanted to stay in this marriage and works things out and he is cheating and lying. Don't know what to do anymore!!!
One part of me wants to confront him but is scare of what he might said, he might said that he is glad is out and he really wants to be with her, another part of me wants to hurt them!!!!! Will like to hear some opinions from some of you that went through this!!!
Yesterday I found out that the OW also left in his flight (fact that he obmitted to tell me).
He bought an Ipod and is linked to his email and today I discovered a chat between him and her while they were waiting on the plane.
What I thought about an EA it sounds like it actually became a PA. Him telling her how cute she was, how much he wanted to kiss her.
The pain, the hurt, the betrayal....................at first I was just upset and I just wanted revenge now I just want to die. We've been married for 11 yrs, 3 kids.....I don't think I can handle more lies plus he is going to be overseas with her for a whole year. I thought about keeping it to myself and file for divorce but I want to confront him so bad. What do you recommend? Should I confront him? It will be hard cause he is in the other side of the world. I just want to scream at him that I know the truth, to stop lying,
He did asked for a divorce, he did told me once before he was interested in somebody else and I held on to him, I told him he couldn't do this to his family and he stayed but he stayed cheating. Now he said he wanted to stay in this marriage and works things out and he is cheating and lying. Don't know what to do anymore!!!
One part of me wants to confront him but is scare of what he might said, he might said that he is glad is out and he really wants to be with her, another part of me wants to hurt them!!!!! Will like to hear some opinions from some of you that went through this!!!
And after you go to the lawyer, go to the salon/spa, or go to the gym! I know that feeling of wanting to punch things, break things, and pull her hair out in chunks. The only healthy way I found to deal with that overwhelming urge was to go to the gym and punch the hell out of the punching bag in kickboxing class. If the punching bag had been a person I surely would be in prison right now. Or to lift the heaviest weights I could lift without hurting myself.
YOU ARE YOUR NUMBER ONE PRIORITY right now. Your kids are your second priority. He is NOT your priority.
If there are things you always sacrificed for his sake...things you didn't do, places you didn't go, music you didn't listen to with him in the room, etc., etc., DO THEM NOW. You are FREE to do those things now. There is some opportunity in that. Do what is GOOD for YOU.
The ball is in his court now. HE needs to be the one to get his sh*t together and figure out what the hell he wants. It is unfair of him to put the burden on you. Don't waste your time trying to do any of the work with him, like listening to his lies or trying to verify she was on the plane. It is crazymaking. Let him do the work now. It is his turn to man up.
If you love him, think of it as TOUGH LOVE. Taking a hard line with him doesn't just help YOU, it will also give him the opportunity to get HIS life straightened out.
But definitely go see a lawyer for a consultation if nothing else. They will walk you through what you need to know. You aren't necessarily going there to file for divorce or to take any action...your first visit to the lawyer will be for your own education, to find out what you need to know. They will also explain to you what evidence (like the iPod emails) you can use, what you can't, and if you DO want to verify anything, they can help you with subpoenas to get the information you need.
I find that to be very powerful. You have a life to live and you deserve much better than this. Feel the pain because it is part of the healing process and start to take care of your needs without him there. My hugs go out to you and keep posting because I know this site is so helpful and we are all supportive of you and your decision. Hang in there.
My emotions are so mixed right now.......one day I want to kick his ass to the curb and keep walking, just run far away and let the whore have him but then other days I think Why do I have to let her have him? I wonder if he is with her, I wonder if he really loves me or her, I hurt......why let her have peace of mind when I don't have it. Let her wonder 2 if he will break up with her, let her wonder what is he talking to me about, let her wonder what is he telling me, what is he emailing me.....it sounds kinda silly but why would she get to have the "fun" and me wondering what is going on. My emotions change every day, today I'm okay, I want to enjoy life, take care of me and don't think about either one of them (even though that won't happen!!!!!).
Isn't that what we all deserve in our lives? Pick one of these words every hour today and try and think about how you relate to it and how you could relate to it. Try to live each one of these words for an hour and see what happens. I will do the same because I really need to have something to help me cope and that is exactly why I bought this bracelet. I was hoping by wearing the bracelet and looking down at it a lot will remind me to take time for some serenity, peace, etc. etc.