Everyone deserves a good b*&#! session every now and then. It's just not natural to be Pollyanna all the time! Hang in there ... hope tomorrow looks better to you!

You certainly have been through a lot. You are entitled to feel overwelmed, tired, depressed, down and any other feeling you have been feeling. It's hard not ot mention exhausting to be up beat and positive all the time. While it may not be a quick fix please do try to pamper your self. A nice hot bath/shower or a book/movie may allow you to relax a little. I am not on the message boards as much but I have been coming more often if only to read and not post. Our loved ones mean well but if they have not walked in our shoes they really can not relate. Have you thought about talking to someone on a professional level? I have read some on the message boards have mentioned doing so and that it did help. Please never apologize for venting, that's what these boards are for. Any contact with others that have been through a simular diagnosis as we have been can understand where we are coming from.

Just the fact that you have had a PE, can make you down. Add it all up and you are doing good. Women have the emotions and men try to "fix us". Until he is an expert on emotions, tell him just to sit and listen.

It is okay to vent. We are here to support right. That is why I joined this support group because sometimes you just need to know that you are not alone.

I have some bad days too and totally understand how you feel.

Life is tough sometimes for sure. It can be overwhelming. I try not to look back too much but it gets harder the older I get. The past can be so incredibly painful. Since 2001 I've lost my grandma (mom's mom), aunt (mom's sister), dad, and step-dad to cancer, and my brother and mother also had cancer (they've survived). I've had issues with my health, with the clotting and my ulcerative colitis over the years and have been so so sick with that at times and it sometimes makes me worried about my future. Chronic illness wears you down to a nub. I feel like my marriage is often difficult- two strong personalities trying to make a partnership work is a constant struggle, and makes me feel like I have a noose around my neck at times, despite both of us loving each other. It really is a struggle for me. And not necessarily all because of my husband but because of my own issues as well.

I'm not telling you this to feel sorry for me, or to start our own little pity party. I just tell you this so you know you're not alone in feelin this way, that everyone, secretly sometimes, bears so much weight on their shoulders. Some days, you really feel like you can no longer carry that weight. It's ok to have a day where you look at life and think, oh f*** it all to hell. Ok I know not everyone says it THAT way, but you know what I mean.

Toss is right. It's not natural to be Pollyanna all the time. And it's ok to say, I cannot bear this anymore. And then you find you actually can but somehow just saying it releases the pressure a bit.

I personally don't believe everything happens for a reason. But I do think there are reasons that we can apply and we can learn and evolve from that There's that great line from the movie "The Natural" that I think I've ripped off here several times before. Glenn Close's character says:

" I believe we have two lives. The life we learn with and the life we live with after that."

That comforts me, and makes the often senseless seem crystal clear.

I hope you're doing better today!

I think you shouldn't feel down on yourself for having a day when you feel down. You said that you normally are upbeat and strong for everyone, and I think that's kind of where the problem lies. Not that it's wrong to be that way, and I tend to be that way myself. I don't let people see how much difficulty I'm having whether it's physical or emotional, and everyone is used to that "me" so when I just can't hold up that positive facade anymore, even if it's just a day or two, everyone around me goes into a panic like "What's her problem.....?" It's natural to experience the negative emotions you have considering everything you've been through in a short period of time, and while by no means would I recommend letting those permanently weigh you down, I think it's reasonable to allow yourself an occasional bad day.

This is going to be the movie reference discussion (LOVE The Natural, by the way), but there's a part in a small movie called Return to Me, where the main character has had a heart transplant and she says to her doctor that she doesn't feel like she should have bad days, just that she should be happy to be alive all the time. I have had times feeling like that since having PE.....like there's a little bit of guilt for feeling like life stinks, because of course ultimately I'm glad I'm here, but reality is we all have times when we feel bad. Personally, I think allowing ourselves to experience those feelings are part of what gets us to accepting our situations - and I'm not just talking about the health issues, but the other regular life issues too. I know in my experience, my nature is to suppress negative feelings, but all that happens when I do is that I'm stuck carrying it all around inside me. I get busy, I distract myself, but ultimately that doesn't deal with the underlying emotions. Little by little, I'm learning to allow myself occasional brief down swings, let others lend me a hand once in awhile (even if I never like to admit I need help or let anyone see that I do). Anyway, that's what helps for me.

And you don't ever have to apologize for venting here, we've all been in the situation of needing to let it out, and this is kind of a safe haven for that. I personally think it's good to have a person or two in your real life that you can vent to as well - even if you prefer being strong for them, let them be strong for you too. Life is that way, we just try to keep each other going as well as we can, and it seems like somehow we cumulatively find the strength we need.

big heart felt hugs sent your way......not sure about advise as im only 3 months into having my world blown apart however hugs i have aplenty x