Hey, forget the "what ifs" simply "BE" happy.
You are in control of your emotions, don't let them lead your life...

Once again.... I'm up much too late, but I hadn't been to DS in quite a long time. Trying not to think about the PE 24/7 and I needed to take a break from DS. You know how much I love you all and have missed the conversations, but I needed to focus on work, parenting and survival with this economy. I'm still scheduled to come off some time in June or July.

My hemotologist wants to "wean" me off while taking a d-dimer test and completing the rest of the genetic tests that were not done before I was on coumedin. Ashley.... you know that I'm scared to death about coming off because I had NO known factors that would contribute to the PE's. I am so PROUD of you for going this far and I do put a lot of faith in your doc and his medical advice. I pray that you can BE happy and content knowing that you are young and were tripped up by the YAZ. I really believe you're going to be ok!!! :) I'm sorry I can't offer any perfect solutions, but I know that if Nancy (hopper) checks out this message.... I'm sure she will tell you that she is doing great! Hang in there and I hope that other people who have come off can give you a vote of confidence! hugs!! Lori
P.S. Hi Denis! :)

Hi Ashley,

Firstly - you go girl...that's great that your haematologist says you're doing so well...I'm so so so happy for you!

I just wanted to offer you my support and let you know that I totally understand where you are coming from! You know, this whole PE recovery thingy is the hardest thing ever! I'm 13 months post-PE now, and every day I think to myself, "is today going to be the day I get another PE?"...

I've spoken with my doctor a lot about this. As I feel that everyone around me has moved on - but I just can't! You know, we have been through such a tough thing girly, and it just isn't that easy for out brains to forget all the trauma we went through. It was a huge event for us, and undoubtedly it is something we will never forget for as long as we live! As time goes on...I'm sure I'll PE worries will be buried at the back of our minds. I guess we have just got to take one day and a time. It's not just going to go away - I mean, you were plodding nicely through life...and suddenly you were struck down with rubbish blood clots - something which completely turned your life upside down. It's no surprise that you can't just get over that. But you will...as time goes on - and you remain happy and healthy - you will start to realise that the rubbish PEs aren't going to come and get you. You are such a strong girl...and you've been through a lot. Just take your time - and enjoy your new life...you've got your health back my lovely - so you're all set to start enjoying life. Don't force yourself to try and get over this whole PE thing - as time moves on, that will happen naturally. Yay for you my honey - I'm so happy that you got such good news! x x x

Hi Cupcake, I know a little how you feel.

I wonder whether this is ever going to be over especially since I'm going to have little reminders for the rest of my life: Shots and stockings for long-haul flights, pregnancy, surgery etc.

On the other hand, I keep reminding myself that my Mum had a DVT, too. It was with her last pregnancy. Since she has never been pregnant since, is not overweight and does not take hormones she has been fine!

I guess it will take you a while to get used to the feeling of being ok and yet you'll be more vigilant and knowledgable than your peers in case something does crop up again.

Sending you hugs and wishing you all the best with your studies!

Pippalippa

Cupcake,

Sit back and take time to enjoys all of life's simpliest pleasures.

Listen to your body, if it doesn't feel right, get it checked.

You are a survivor and as Denis indicated, you shouldn't be worried about the "what ifs".

With that said, don't forget what this medical condition can do, try to educate others around you.

You know where to find us if you ever need any questions answered drop on by.

Best wishes to you and "stay healthy" :)

Regards,
Tom in Connecticut

Thanks everyone!
I had written so much the first time that i wanted to tell you all, the real reason these feelings are accumulating so much is because I got an offer from my dad who lives with his gf in NJ ( where I was born) to move into the house i lived in when i was a baby with my gf practically rent free. The house is paid off and I would just have to pay the electric. I was so thankful for this opportunity bc i really want to go back to school and be a successful person... and things havnt really been working out here in FL... just cant seem to get a head barely cutting the bills.

But now that its 99% a solid plan that me and my gf are moving in the next 6-8 months im really scared to leave and scared of what will happen.

Worried about the 21 hour drive... although I shouldnt worried bc i am well educated on things to do when traveling and pulling over every hour to stretch and walk around for a bit.... im just all together freaked out. But this just seems like the break I need right now.

Im also spooked bc the nearest hospital its like 12 miles away... and where I live now i have an ER about 3 miles away. Please someone tell me how silly im being.

I will talk to my therapist about all of this on tuesday this week. But jeez i just feel like me worrying about my health is infringing on the exitment of moving back home to where almost all of my family is. Seeing snow... the seasons... not having an overwhelming amount of bills and going back to school.

Im trying so hard to look at this move as a starting point for my new happy life.... Im hoping that in 6-8 months I can grow emotionally and my therapist will help me get over this and not be afraid to embrace my future!!!!

Thanks for all of you who have replied already, I feel better and not so alone in my feelings.... I really think i just need to change my outlook instead of waking up wondering if today I will have a blood clot maybee I should wake up thinking .... today ill have a great day and feel amazing... hmmmm


MAUH

Hey there, Chiquita!

I am chiming in with everyone else here (especially AlexandraK) as I have been SO remiss in checking in with my DS buddies ... believe me though when I say I think of you all every single day! I think it's just that same thing ... life has gone on for me and I've become busy with work and less preoccuppied with health ... but that doesn't mean I don't think about it every day (especially since I'm newly off meds). I don't know how but I think I've just retrained my brain ... when I recognize an unhealthy thought pattern (which is half the battle - recognizing them) I try to stop them in their tracks because ... honestly, worrying does no one any good, and may even harm (blood pressure, stress, not to mention depression and fatigue), and after a while it takes its toll.

As for being scared about what to do ... let's face it: change is scary (even if it's a positive change) because uncertainty is so hard to deal with. And those of us who have ever had any major health crisis have dealt with a huge amount of uncertainty (for a long time - call it "chronic uncertainty"). But after a while, the uncertainty becomes the constant, and now that's all you know how to do ... thinking about the what ifs. But you know what? THIS is your opportunity to take control ... once you make the decision - whether it's to stay or go [insert The Clash song here] ... then you're saying "To hell with you, Uncertainty!"

My two cents: sounds like a kind and generous offer from your dad ... might be a nice opportunity to get rid of some other uncertainty (debt) and make a fresh start. Just go into it with both eyes open ... and if it doesn't work out, FL will always be there to come back to. You're young - this is the time to completey and totally fly by the seat of your pants! Just hold on tight and enjoy the ride!

X!

I think positive mantras can help. Tell yourself over and over again in the most calming, affirmative way :
" I am healthy; I am clot free."
" I am healthy; I am clot free."
" I am healthy; I am clot free."

Even if you don't quite believe it, saying it enough can help calm the fear. And you have to say it in the present tense. You can't say, I'm going to be healthy, as if it's some goal to obtain, but rather, say I AM healthy.

Seriously, I've done this. I still do sometimes when I feel like I'm taking a step backwards. It really helps to adjust your thinking when you sort of meditate on these types of positive thoughts. Pretty soon, you get in such a good head space that you can't help but really believe that.

I think we all have some of the same thoughts. I have decided to take life 1 day @ a time. may be even hour to hour. Enjoy all of the days and hours that you have. None of us know when our last day will be so we mustn't worry about that ,God will have those plans already made. Live each day as a gift because it is for us, we did survive.Enjoy your life.

Hi Ashley,

I'm going to try to be brief, but you know me, I probably won't be.

I think you shouldn't be too frustrated with yourself. This is a big thing to have had happen, and it's a long process to recover emotionally. It's fantastic to hear that you have some positive stuff going on in your life and I think that while you may feel that you're not enjoying the anticipation of those changes as much as you should, in fact the changes themselves will eventually help you to heal emotionally.

I don't think it's abnormal that you still feel scared and concerned for your health, but I think that as time passes and you see for yourself that you are well, then you will begin to accept it. I completely agree that you shouldn't let your negative emotions control you, but I don't think you're doing that either. If, for example, you weren't moving home because of your PE, then that would be letting your fear control you. But that's not what you're doing, you are making positive decisions for your future.

My perspective is that we cannot "force" our fear and worry away, just like we weren't able to force our bodies to be automatically better. And for some this is a longer process than for others, just like our physical healing. However, we can take positive steps toward getting better. So just like we take care of ourselves physically, we took our medicine and watched our diet, we can also make the decision to be positive and keep busy and just re-enter LIFE.

I don't know if you remember that a couple of months ago I was worried because I couldn't cry. And I knew that was a step I eventually needed to make, but I also couldn't force it on myself. But when I was ready, it came. Grieving is usually a slow process, and although you're healthy now, you still have every right to grieve this whole thing happening. I think some of the other advice is good, if you see that you're heading down a negative path with your thoughts, then make the decision to change them. Get busy in something else so as not to brood and get depressed. But I really believe that as time goes on your life will become more and more normal. You won't think so much about this every minute. Try to take out the good things from the experience while not allowing the bad part of it to control you.

Let the PE be a piece of your story, but don't let it be your whole story. You have so many great things ahead of you!! Don't let this one bad thing from your past keep you from experiencing a lifetime of wonderful things in your future!

I know, very long and rambley reply.....sorry. I really do wish you all the best with your continued healing and with your move!

Sarah

Hi Ashley,

I understand being frustrated with having had a PE....BUT, the thing that I always try to remember is....I may live to be 90 years old and never suffer another blood clot....do I want to look back at my life and realize that I spent a lot of time worrying about getting another blood clot? It is really helpful to look at life that way... Force the clots from your mind...the anxiety from your mind. Do things that you haven't done before....do things that test you in all ways...physically and mentally. Always be conscious of your body...get regular physicals, call your doctor if something doesn't feel right...but enjoy your life :)

Feel free to message me if you want to talk more....I've been off for more than two months now. Enjoying wine every day (always my love:) and doing the things that I've always loved (riverrafting, etc.). I may end up with a clot and taking coumadin again some day, but I will not waste much time worrying about that now...time is way too precious.

Take care, Nancy