So i had almost 8 months sober, and have been in outpatient that whole time. Last feel I lost about 2 grand betting (which is another problem in itself). 2 grand that i did not have and i couldn't handle the stress. I have been able to deal with my feelings that I've got from life throwing things at me since I decided to get sober but this was just too much and i caved. To be honest I think i was moving towards picking up even a week or two before that which is why they say relapse happens before you even pick up. It wasnt that i used the gambling debt as an excuse like yes i can go use now to numb these feelings it was more just like the last straw. This is why you need to constantly stay on top of your battle and keep doing the things and using the tools that helped you get and stay sober. 8 months was a long time for me, I mean any amount of time is great but 8 months was the most time i had strung together since my junior year of high school when i was 16. i am now 21, turning 22 in June. To be honest I am not that upset. I made the conscious decision to pick up before I did so i knew that my sober time of almost 8 months would have to start over. I don't feel like i threw everything away at all to be honest, I still have everything I learned in these past 8 months and though my time count will start over I'm trying not to dwell on it. Ive seen people dwell on a relapse and things go downhill very very fast. The relapse kind of made me realize that I wasnt missing anything. I enjoyed it dnt get me wrong but i was almost happy when it was over. It just wasnt the same because ik all of the stuff that has happened to be because of my opiate and drug use. Just want to use this to help other people realize that there is no time you can let up. The most dangerous times are the times everything is going real well because it gives u a false sense of security. My relapse was friday but thats not when it happened. It wasnt that thursday when i put myself in a gambling hole either. It started a few weeks before that when i had euphoric recalls about a Percocet and i just couldn't get that out of my head after. The debt just put me over the edge. I still remain very hopeful and know this battle is winnable. Thanks for reading!