My drug of choice were vicodins and I had a 3 year addiction to them that nearly took my life. at one point. So I went into recovery for drugs and alcohol. I have been off the narcotics for about 12 years now.

About 6 years ago, I cut off a finger on my table saw at home. On the ambulance ride to the hospital, I had lots of fentanol but my tolerance was so high, it didn't have much affect. Once at the hospital, they took x-rays and gave me iv fluids of some hardcore antibiotics and then sent me to a larger hospital that had a hand doctor who could do reattachment surgery. The doctors gave the ambulance workers permission to give me as much fentenol as I needed which turned out to be quite alot. I probably could have done without the fentenol as they gave me pain blocks to numb the finger.

Long story short, when I was discharged, they gave me a script for vicodin which I gave to my wife and I told her to hide them and to give them to me as prescribed. I honestly didn't think they helped one bit. In fact, I saved up every one she gave me until I had about ten pills and I took them all at once but didn't feel a thing which was very disappointing. I really was looking forward to that "high"!

The one thing that helped me the most with pain, was ibprofen. (Advil) The prescription dose on those is 800 miligrams so that added up to 4 pills which I took every 5 hours or so. So get the otc store brand ibprofen and take 8 pills at a time and save yourself some money. It really controls the pain quite well and I had surgery as well. You could also get a loved one to get the script for you can give them to you as prescribed but I really think, prescription strength ibprofen will help you better as it did me but it's your choice.

Thanks for posting. Many people can identify with what you said.. You helped a few today, I am sure.

You need alot of support when you lose someone you love. You did what many people do which was to numb the pain with pills. You are human so don't beat yourself up over it.

Whenever you get a craving to take a pill, ask yourself if this person you loved, would approve of you taking pills over his/her passing? Then you won't take them! Surgery is a different story so narcotic pain relievers need to be controlled in some way as they were when my wife handed them to me. But honestly, I thought the ibprofen worked alot better.

God BLess

I agree with Bob. Great guy by the way

I recently lost my boyfriend of 3 years, a year ago on the 21st of this month; so I sadly feel your pain. It's a roller coaster of emotions and crazy things you never knew possible. I too have been in your shoes, when I was 16. I was in a car accident and was prescribed pain killers. I did abuse them. I then had a child, and stopped, and only took as the doctor prescribed. If you believe you had enough will power to take as needed and what is recommended, then believe in yourself. But, do not if you are second guessing yourself. If you have made it this many days with pain, then you will make it the rest of the way. Losing someone is also physical pain, not just mental. Mind over matter. I wish you the best.

Dont fill it. I did and 5 yrs later im just now trying to stop...once an addict always an addict