I can only tell you that since coming to this site I've learned how extremely common sexual abuse of boys is. I am hoping the pedophile rings get outed next - because they're out there, causing enormous suffering and harm.

There's a great website with lots of resources called 1in6.org.

What is mst?

Now I feel like crying. Ugh! !!!!! This hits me sometimes when I talk about Sexual abuse of any kind. WHAT did I do to deserve this? I know I didn't do anything but sometimes I think I was wrong somehow. What a mixed up mess I can be. I would love some true and lasting relief. I better stop before I get feeling really bad. Thanks

They trigger me like a mad dog. Day to day I avoid them as much as possible, but I sometimes use such testimonials as exposure therapy in very limited doses, carefully monitoring responses, etc. The media hoopla, mainstream gossip and legal whiplash which ensues is often more triggering for me than the actual testimonial.

It's confusing stuff, Mack. I mostly believe it's supposed to be confusing. For sure it is the righteously certain folk who scare me the most in this freak show.

I'm not following it closely (I can tell you only a couple of names, etc.)

But I'm glad it's coming out...finally...maybe. It feels like a damn is cracking anyway. Maybe just wishful thinking on my part.

***I was never molested, but I have a childhood friend that I'm sure was. I'm in my 50's. No one talked about any of this stuff back then. I was warned of strangers in cars with candy.

I will NEVER forget the feeling when I met my friend's father. I was 10. Whatever it was, I just KNEW that I did NOT want to be in a room alone with him. I followed my friend and her sister all around the house, avoiding him as much as I could. Back then, parents, and especially fathers pretty much didn't have much to do with the kids. It was open the door, kick the kids out and tell them to be back at dinner...from age 3-4 up.

That he was "around" was odd. That I had to avoid him, was even more odd.

My friend hit Jr High, started doing hard drugs (heroin) and dropped out of school. Any bets on if her father was abusing/raping her? The kids that did drugs avoided her. And kids used to smoke pot on the back of the junior high school bus. That was growing up in the 70's...and those are the kids that avoided her.

Back then it was the Girl's fault for how she was dressed, what she was doing, etc. Even little kids were blamed. Boys? Damn, I didn't even know that a boy could be raped until I was in my 20's.

The good 'ol days weren't always so good. Music was. Pictures looked good. But people treated people like crap.

My kids...I started telling them about rape when they were 3-4. (I had to fight against the pre-school crap that wanted to warn them about strangers. I wanted to warn them about neighbor's/friends' fathers!

My advice to my kids...NEVER go with a police officer (a 3 year old can't tell the difference from a security guard, who may have had no screening). And ALWAYS go with a fireman (kids die hiding from the firemen trying to save them).

Advice from a drinking buddy of my ex-husband who worked security at HersheyPark....know your kids SHOES. They've had people drug kids, change their clothes, cut their hair, and carry what looks like a sleeping child out of the park in 5-10 minutes. If you know their shoes, and go directly to security/the park entrance (security will drive you to the park entrance)...you can get your kid back the fastest. The security will search all of the bathrooms. I literally wrote my kids names in Sharpie on the bottom of their shoes every week or two.

Patti gives good advice on child safety, but my late dad (US Navy) said that if it was tried on a man (he left "it" to our imaginations but we knew, by the way he talked around "it"), or even a teen boy, fighting back was admirable and noble and you damn well better. But we, his *daughters*? He advised to just "take it". That stuck in my head for-freaking-ever. A couple years later, I was raped by a schoolmate. I fought. No, I did not just "take it". I at least could survive knowing I *tried* --- and I think that was a huge help in recovery.

Which means, yes, I am triggered. And am triggered by the *reactions*. If I hear one more, "They're saying it to get more famous" ....... Which maybe one-tenth of one percent of people would do, but it's making it easy for them to dismiss the 99.9 percent who are really struggling with coming forward and so forth. ARGH, humans. I just want to be around trees and rocks and animals. That's all. Just that.

Every person who has been sexually abused believes on some level that it was their fault. Every single one. Society reinforces that view. Many would like to believe that if you are at fault for it, they can be safe from it. Also, we need to recognize how our society worships power and the "great men" who hold it, which gives them license to act out however they want. Thank God that is changing. Thanks to these mad, wild times we're living in, a lot of hidden crap is coming to light. I hope we can recognize the underlying issues and not JUST go after the ones who got caught.

I don't know about that donna.

I've told my kids from age 3-4 from the time I FIRST started giving them advice.

THat the most important advice, wasn't the list of things that I told them to do...but to TRUST THEMSELVES. Second, that I'd back them up if they made a mistake. That second one, is BIG. I told them that mistakes are part of life, and that I WANTED them to make mistakes and tell me about anything that they weren't sure about.

Third, I had them PRACTICE talking to strangers. The girl at the checkout line. The mother behind us. The librarian. "Strangers" were the people that were going to SAVE them, if they got taken. The more you talk to people...the more of a "feel" you get for what's normal and un-normal activity.

Real life story: So I'm the odd one out with how I've raised my kids. They've walked to the bus stop alone since 1st grade (one mother actually said that I deserved to have my daughter kidnapped...nice huh?).

So the neighborhood bus stop is also a park, and the kids routinely played there after school until the middle school bus came. About 6-7 of us parents are sitting there watching our kids play, and my son comes over to me. There's some strange guy walking by and the other kids are trying to get sticks to go chase him off. My son had all sorts of issues talking, but when I asked, he told me what was happening...which got all of the other parents up and calling for their kids.

Now I'm 99% certain that the guy had schizophrenia or some such thing. He WAS acting "strange" but didn't seem to be acting inappropriately to the children. Point is, out of the 20 or so kids there...my kid was the ONLY one that came to me.


That said, my "talk" with my son? Was that if you did everything wrong....that I would STILL want you back. That my trust was that YOUR judgement would be better than whatever advice I gave. Hide, fight, yell, piss your pants, break EVERYTHING on the shelf in the grocery store (because parents carry yelling, kicking, screaming kids out of stores every day...but if your kid breaks $1000 worth of stuff...they'll make you pay first. I promised to match dollar for dollar whatever they broke in a present for THEM...EVEN if they were wrong.)

Gavin DeBecker who wrote The Gift of Fear

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zNtXjIiJ0PU

I like what DW had to say about us feeling its our fault and we take on blame. Totally agree.

I also like how Patti has taught her children in safety etc

I would like to get back to you and your original post and response if I could... I am sorry this has been triggering. You did not deserve any of it. Trauma victims often feel it was their fault for letting it happen or not having the ability to stop it. Many children simply do not even understand what is happening. In my opinion shame comes with any assault of any kind if we fight it or not and I believe any victim who has had this personally happen to them knows the feeling. If not then its buried and not been dealt with. I would like to repeat that its not your fault, its not your shame. Easier said than done to tell our mind this? Yes. I think Patti has a good idea of if it does happen, positive reinforcement is crucial.

To your original post, I saw something of it. I stay away from the news and tabloid as much as possible unless absolutely necessary. I keep myself informed using TIME.com on my terms. I think triggers like that are fairly normal. I have two from my GR&S and if there is a show on tv that resembles just that or something happens at say the doctors office then yes. I get triggered. Its unfortunate it reaches so far into places we never imagined.

I do hope you feel better soon.

Don’t watch anything violence or negative junk and stuff that ruins your mind and past crap