many members here have issues going back to their childhoods. I know I do. There are two things that helped. The first was martial arts the second was therapy. Martial arts helped me live past my teens and become an adult. Years later when my past came back to haught me therapy is what helped. Knowing there are others that have similar experiences is comforting to some extent. I hope you are able to find the correct place for you to start.

Yoga gave me a better sense of my mind-body connection, and fine control over relaxation breathing.... And without therapy? I'd be done, and know it.

I can't rememmber life before pain, fear, abuse, having ot be sorry I was born.... I got out, but the scars came along. When medical-related PTSD hit me in 2011, the repressed childhood stuff blew up, and here I am.

And talking here? Huge help. I was doing great in my life, for the most part (OK, like 70 percent great, but that's not too bad) before the fall led to the medical PTSD led ot the.... And, well, thank God I found this site. Huge tremendous amazing help to find others who knew what I meant if I said, "I was okay, and now I'm not even close, help!"

And, sadly, life doesn't give us vacations from the everyday or even not-everyday stresses of families, health, etc....

So I started with therapy (I'd done yoga 15 years already) and am finding my way as I go.

Big supportive welcome.

surrounding yourself with a good network was a really good thing to do and that probably took time and care to put together, good job.

coming here is another excellent idea to help yourself, this is a good place to find and talk with people who will know and understand exactly what you are talking about. it is a big comfort to me to come here.

for me, there was nothing like feeling heard and feeling understood by people who did know what I was talking about.

finding a therapist or dr that is the right one for you is important, we are all patients here in this group so we can't really tell anyone where to start exactly.

big welcoming hugs hanz, I am lilly

Hi hanz. Welcome to the forum. Sorry for what brings you here, but glad you are here. Pull up a chair and sit a spell. Your plight is hot topic here.

Where and how do you start? In my humble, just-a-patient opine, that step is already behind you. You have started with this post. It was a step well taken. Congratulations.

When you are ready for your next step, you will know it.

Welcome to the forum.

For what it's worth:
When stopped fighting and started trusting the process, I found I wasn't letting the memories back in. I was letting them out. My mind is much cleaner since I stopped repressing. Well. . . Still learning. . . Works in progress.

My issues go back to when my sexual abuse started at the age of four. Before that, it was just emotional and physical. I went through flashbacks after repressing some of the worst traumas, and have found that meditation and mindfulness help me greatly! I don't know if you dance but there's a new dance movement called Blurr, and that is amazing. I know a lot of people who have benefitted from it.

I have found that just talking about my experiences has helped me. I recognize those things had to happen to make me who I am now, but as I process them as an adult * I * am in control. * I * decide whether those memories have power over me, and * I * decide how I want to deal with them. I may not be able to change the past, but I can certainly prevent it from harming my future. It's like the idea that if I can't change my memories, that's fine because I can change how I respond to them.

If it helps (because sometimes it feels nice to feel less alone): my childhood contributed to several bad relationships in my life marked by physical violence and sexual abuse. If you'd like someone to talk to about it please feel free to PM me.

Hi Hanz

Welcome to the group. It can be a long road, but on the way there are some ups and downs and I think, hope too, that near the end there are more ups than downs.

Support to you through your journey.

Welcome, Hanz. I have the same timeline starting at age 9. Therapy stopped my repeating the same nightmare over and over. Not just any threrapy, but therapy with a PTSD specialist. It made the difference.