Thanks, all. Leo, you reminded me my bringing up your epilepsy that I'm juggling 2 more chronic illnesses with PTSD. One you mentioned, diabetes. I'm lucky, it runs through the genes on both sides of my family with onset in previous generations by age 30. With previous generations, too, it went quickly to leg amputations and blindness by my age. So the fact that I didn't get it until age 52 was pretty good for my gene pool's track record.

I saw Dr. Phil on TV the other day, and he comes from a diabetic gene pool, too, and talked about managing diabetes like me for 25 years now, a lot longer than me. He mentioned how it not only has physical fatigue symptoms, but mental ones, too, and for Dr. Phil to admit that as a psychologist was good to hear. I have to distinguish at times between what is affecting me mentally as diabetic sugar fluctuations and PTSD. You can get irritable from low blood sugar, too.

Then there's the kidney disease, with the official name CKD, for Chronic Kidney Disease, with that chronic word right there in the name. Though I'd love for diabetes and/or CKD to shift from chronic to cured any day, no more managing but totally healed. It may happen in my lifetime.

Thanks, atec and Neo, for saying you have nastiness when triggered with PTSD, too. I also try to stay away from people at such times. The last time I had an episode that I myself recognized was in 2006, when someone in my house came up behind me and triggered my PTSD startle response. It nearly gave me a heart attack, so that's when I went onto Seroquel until 2011 and was fine for 5 years until CKD took me off of it. Like you say, for me, too, it's about recognizing it's happening.

Thanks, Lilly, for being in my corner! I appreciate your having my back. I'd love to have you lay down the law in my classroom for me. Ha! In truth, though, I do believe enough of the problem is that I was "rude, arrogant, and impatient" with some students. While like like Jewells, never ever losing my temper, which is great. Nonetheless, "rude, arrogant, and impatient" isn't a temper outburst, but those aren't words I want to see on future teaching evaluations from students. My evaluations mostly say "inspiring," and "best instructor ever" and "he really cares." So I'd like to earn that without having a negative counterpart going forward.

Yeah, until April 10th this is in the balance. I do want it on my work record, though, so I can have whatever benefit of accommodations there may be out there as I juggle all 3 of these chronic illnesses. I'm 57, about to be 58 in a few months, and would like to retire at 62--to Uruguay, the place my PTSD started, that I feared for 20 year. Now it's a great place where I can see those same streets are peaceful now every time I return.

So if I get tenure at my community college, it's only for 4 more years now, they don't have to worry about me for long. And I can make a contribution. I think I have, with the majority being positive and a minority being negative among my evaluations. With Seroquel again I'm feeling like I'll leave behind good memories when I retire not long from now. Fingers crossed, then, for tenure in April 10.

When I get triggered, I am no longer "here." I react how I react.

That being said, if I can manage expectations it helps. Friends and coworkers know that I can get triggered and they know the signs and what to do if it happens. It's not a huge deal - basically to back off and let me do what I need to do and don't take it personally.

The other thing that helps is EFT. If I can tune in and know that I'm getting triggered, and I can remember to do the EFT, it really helps a lot: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gJm5b3Y-Vug

Oh yes definitely muji. I am ashamed of myself sometimes. But it sounds like your level falls within normal limits or even the lower end. Can't be perfect all the time my friend

Wow, thanks for the EFT to help me with my triggers, for reassuring me that I'm still within the normal range, and for telling me I don't have to carry the state of the teaching profession on my back all alone. What friends I have here. Gratitude to you for sharing just what I needed today.

yes i di im not nice somtimes other times go into and cry ,this is another reason i smoke because it is intataniuos not waiting on pills to work , i be triggered smoke and it styop them only thing that dose hugs min

Thanks, min. I've told some folks here that I've been taking refuge in Todd Rundgren's songs during my wait for a tenure verdict, which is stressfully a 50-50 proposition that's up in the air. To forgive myself for being in a PTSD pickle again, his songs really help.

He was the most recent guest on Marc Maron's WTF podcast, too.

"Compassion" Todd Rundgren
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E_ERGynR-CM

Thanks for thinking of me when you're going through so much, my friend.

Muji

I become smart mouthed when I feel threatened. I love to debate. It's hard to always feel empathy.