Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
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This year at work I'm trying to be more proactive about not letting problems build as long as I have in the past. It was so bad for me last year that it took a final countdown of support day by day at the end of the school year to get me to the finish line.
I have a history of what Pete Walker calls the fourth F of PTSD, fawning. People pleasing so much it becomes expected of me, even when it's not the best thing for me and my health.
Anyway, I've had a student causing trouble in a class of mine all week. I've spent hours talking to him, talking to my boss, and having him talk to my boss. Then today he just gets up without any provocation from me in class, interrupts class and walks to the door, goes out through it and slams it.
I decided it was decision time. There is probably good reason in this student's life why he's acting out, but I have to draw a boundary. So I dropped him from the class.
My boss didn't like it. She wants me to tolerate everybody all the time. I can't. She told me she thought I was angry with him. I said no, my decision wasn't impaired or driven by anger. I'm just too tired from the stress of it all, and it was time to end the situation and move on.
She fought me on it a long time, but then it seems that she got that I was talking about my PTSD and my limits. I used to be ashamed that PTSD meant I had limits, but everybody has limits in life due to one thing or another about being human. This is mine. I have no reason to be ashamed of it. I do a very good just up to that line I must not cross for my own good, so I won't be strung out and triggered, exhausted from neglecting care of my PTSD and my little baby soul.
I am just learning about fawning and setting limits, but it's been a long time coming. I would like to avoid repeating last year, and let people around me know I can only do so much. Anybody identify with that?
I have a history of what Pete Walker calls the fourth F of PTSD, fawning. People pleasing so much it becomes expected of me, even when it's not the best thing for me and my health.
Anyway, I've had a student causing trouble in a class of mine all week. I've spent hours talking to him, talking to my boss, and having him talk to my boss. Then today he just gets up without any provocation from me in class, interrupts class and walks to the door, goes out through it and slams it.
I decided it was decision time. There is probably good reason in this student's life why he's acting out, but I have to draw a boundary. So I dropped him from the class.
My boss didn't like it. She wants me to tolerate everybody all the time. I can't. She told me she thought I was angry with him. I said no, my decision wasn't impaired or driven by anger. I'm just too tired from the stress of it all, and it was time to end the situation and move on.
She fought me on it a long time, but then it seems that she got that I was talking about my PTSD and my limits. I used to be ashamed that PTSD meant I had limits, but everybody has limits in life due to one thing or another about being human. This is mine. I have no reason to be ashamed of it. I do a very good just up to that line I must not cross for my own good, so I won't be strung out and triggered, exhausted from neglecting care of my PTSD and my little baby soul.
I am just learning about fawning and setting limits, but it's been a long time coming. I would like to avoid repeating last year, and let people around me know I can only do so much. Anybody identify with that?
My lesson with my mom is: her being sober doesn't mean she's not still really a drunk at heart. And that is one big ugly lump to face considering she's still not touching alcohol (since 1989). I became very complacent, maybe? Easy to see the years of no-booze and forget that it doesn't mean she's nto still an alcoholic, and that her default isn't going to be... Someone I don't know.
And I excuse her. "Well, twenty-plus years with Dad, of course...."
Good Daughter, Good Son, but at some point... Gotta also be a Good Me. And that's not easy when I'm kicking myself. As if my being Good Daughter *enough* would negate the core fact Mom is acting like an alcoholic on a serious bender, just not actually imbibing alcohol.
A little at a time...
As for me, I spoke to a tech about the fact that our Distance Learning classroom's equipment hasn't worked for 6 weeks into the semester in a class I'm teaching. He was appalled I'd let it go on for 6 weeks. I've complained, but not to the top.
I hung up realizing it's more of my fawning response, isn't it? I have some work to do on Pete Walker's fourth F of fawning, don't I?
I think you are giving your PTSD too much credit. Didn't this student:
1. Watch a video
2. Disrupt the class
3. Leave the class
I'd say that would be enough for ANY teacher to eject the student from the roster. Your PTSD only makes you react PHYSICALLY more than a "normal" person. But you made your decision while NOT being triggered.
This is more about a dysfunctional student and poor administrative leadership. You're just caught in the middle.
I'd document this for your files when it comes to evaluation time...
Also, to be proactive, is there a Codes of Conduct section in the CC handbook? If so, I'd put that section on your future syllabi. If not, then maybe it's time to create one... Students need to know upfront the types of behavior that risk them being dropped from the class.
Hugs.
Getle support.
My work with my fawning continues, though. The Distance Learning system at my college doesn't work right, and I got its supervisor to sent one of her techs to sit through my class. He saw how it didn't work, and afterwards said so. But when that got back to her, she as the boss wrote that he never said such a thing, blah blah.
I can decide not to use this Distance Learning system next semester without confronting her lying like that. She wasn't even there, so she's just trying to twist what her own tech said to cover her butt. My question is, is it fawning if I don't confront her about being a liar? Or is that just a case of saying it's not worth it and I can make my decision to quit using Distance Learning without her?
Sounds as if she's terrified to put anything on paper that means she'll look like she's not running a perfect college. Thing is, there is no such thing as perfect or even near-perfect. So... maybe let this one sit, and keep a diary of these incidents of he-said-she-said, etc., to find patterns of *her* actions and so on? This is an exercise form Marriage for Dummies, LOL, but hey, interpersonal relationships, whatever, it works.
I have not found a pattern for my mom, but I did try.
In the future, I'd have STUDENTS email her and Cc you in the communication.
Hugs, Muji.