Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
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This year at work I'm trying to be more proactive about not letting problems build as long as I have in the past. It was so bad for me last year that it took a final countdown of support day by day at the end of the school year to get me to the finish line.
I have a history of what Pete Walker calls the fourth F of PTSD, fawning. People pleasing so much it becomes expected of me, even when it's not the best thing for me and my health.
Anyway, I've had a student causing trouble in a class of mine all week. I've spent hours talking to him, talking to my boss, and having him talk to my boss. Then today he just gets up without any provocation from me in class, interrupts class and walks to the door, goes out through it and slams it.
I decided it was decision time. There is probably good reason in this student's life why he's acting out, but I have to draw a boundary. So I dropped him from the class.
My boss didn't like it. She wants me to tolerate everybody all the time. I can't. She told me she thought I was angry with him. I said no, my decision wasn't impaired or driven by anger. I'm just too tired from the stress of it all, and it was time to end the situation and move on.
She fought me on it a long time, but then it seems that she got that I was talking about my PTSD and my limits. I used to be ashamed that PTSD meant I had limits, but everybody has limits in life due to one thing or another about being human. This is mine. I have no reason to be ashamed of it. I do a very good just up to that line I must not cross for my own good, so I won't be strung out and triggered, exhausted from neglecting care of my PTSD and my little baby soul.
I am just learning about fawning and setting limits, but it's been a long time coming. I would like to avoid repeating last year, and let people around me know I can only do so much. Anybody identify with that?
I have a history of what Pete Walker calls the fourth F of PTSD, fawning. People pleasing so much it becomes expected of me, even when it's not the best thing for me and my health.
Anyway, I've had a student causing trouble in a class of mine all week. I've spent hours talking to him, talking to my boss, and having him talk to my boss. Then today he just gets up without any provocation from me in class, interrupts class and walks to the door, goes out through it and slams it.
I decided it was decision time. There is probably good reason in this student's life why he's acting out, but I have to draw a boundary. So I dropped him from the class.
My boss didn't like it. She wants me to tolerate everybody all the time. I can't. She told me she thought I was angry with him. I said no, my decision wasn't impaired or driven by anger. I'm just too tired from the stress of it all, and it was time to end the situation and move on.
She fought me on it a long time, but then it seems that she got that I was talking about my PTSD and my limits. I used to be ashamed that PTSD meant I had limits, but everybody has limits in life due to one thing or another about being human. This is mine. I have no reason to be ashamed of it. I do a very good just up to that line I must not cross for my own good, so I won't be strung out and triggered, exhausted from neglecting care of my PTSD and my little baby soul.
I am just learning about fawning and setting limits, but it's been a long time coming. I would like to avoid repeating last year, and let people around me know I can only do so much. Anybody identify with that?
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Hey All...I hope that you have a lovely, peaceful beginning of your weekI have a bunch of chores that need doing but may put them off til tomorrow and just hang out with my landlord/roomie todayWhat about you?...Anything special going on?Have a great day and take good care of you!!..Xo
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Once again I've had a fever today. I'm not going to the hospital because that's a huge waste of time but I did schedule a dr appointment for Wednesday afternoon.
I still keep my physical boundaries in place for my own coping, but am much better at not blasting at others.Valid reasons valid actions.
You student building up with trying behavior is a disruption to others concentration, your lessons to be imparted as well as childish behavior on his part. So I am glad you stood your ground on your boundaries.
Healthy boundaries are never a done deal, muji. They grow and shift with the seasons of our lives.
And the kid lefclass on his own... You did not ask him to go. He is apparently nonetoo invested i the course.
You set a raesonable limit. Kudos!
Sounds like you bent over backwards for him. Maybe he needs a medical withdrawal.
Then after I do it, and someone walks on me...I'm overwhelmed with shame. Makes me feel like a wimp.
It's hard to fight it, but I'm trying...it's so hard to avoid doing something that just seems to happen automatically.
this thread!
This is my first job where I am out of the closet
with a boss about my PTSD. So far for 4 years that
has meant for her that I'm an exceptional guy whose
history means I give students extra help. This is
the first time for her that it means, though, that
I need care, too, for it, and I must say no to
a student if I need to.
It's new to me this year to balance saying no
with saying yes at work from what I need with my
PTSD, so your support is very special to me.
Boundaries are very important.... No can be every bit as important and yes and I'm glad you're finding your line my friend
I find this type of behaviour from nursing students very disturbing and I don't really 'get' why your boss would think this type of acting out ongoing is mature enough contact for those caring for others often in the most vulnerable of positions... I think she should rethink her position on this
You have given him chances muji.... I think you've handled this really well... xo
I feel that the more I explain, the more the matter will become quicksand. He's free to appeal my decision to someone else and even to have me overruled and get put back in the class. But the point of dropping him was to go back to giving the class as a whole my attention, so if I keep explaining I won't be doing that.
I told him "I had to, and now I have to stop and give the class as a whole my attention from now on." I didn't ignore him, but I didn't get into it, and said what I have to do without blaming him for keeping me from doing it. Is there anything else I should tell him? I think the less, the better.
What do you think?
You know my story, Muji. The worst thing anybody has really ever accused me of is ... being too nice ... taking it for too long (being too patient) ... staying within the law, and using appropriate channels, steps, and resources to get the intolerable situation to stop.
You also know the results, in my case: disastrous.
Good boundaries are essential to survival -- with or without PTSD.
In fact, in some cases, they are essential to prevent getting PTSD in the first place.
You used good boundaries. Major kudos to you.