Today has been a tough day. I'm not really sure but a very close friend and I are starting to drift apart. I'm not really sure what the reason for this is. I have somewhat discussed this with her but I think I am also pretty scared to find out the true reason for this. All I have ringing through my head is its because she knows who I true lily am. She is the first person who knows everything about me. The good the bad and the ugly. I know we both have very different things going on at the moment and I am up and down and for this reason fairly difficult to be around. But I am feeling really vulnerable. I learnt to trust and talk about many things with her. And I really miss that. Anyhow we need to talk I guess. And I just need to find out what's really happening. No matter what the reason or outcome might be.

Then today I had a dentist appointment and I needed an X-ray and she put one of those little mouth pieces in to get the X-ray done. Im not really sure what happened next but I was just totally blank and couldn't hear anything and had no focus. Initially I couldn't deal with the piece in my mouth then the dentist came back into the room, not that I was aware of this, and calling my name. I'm not sure how long I"wasn't there" for. That's certainly not the first time that happened but it certainly was the most I was out of it. Usually I can notice this happening and my hearing generally goes but often I'm still aware of other things going on in the room. But this time I was just gone.

Does this make sense to anyone else. I'm not really sure how to explain it. But I'm not thinking about other things I don't really know apart from I am feeling uncomfortable then something brings my attention back but I have no idea what has happened in the meanwhile or how long I haven't been "with it". It's a bit scary sometimes. This happens a bit during therapy actually but I haven't discussed it with her. I'm not even really sure what to say.

Anyhow sorry for the jumbled thoughts,

Thanks for reading.