Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.
Vacation's doing me a lot of good. My ability to concentrate is back to 100%, instead of 2 at most I sleep about 5 hours each night, no flashbacks even when exposed to my strong triggers, no nightmares. I am well rested, relaxed and content.
And that's where the weirdness starts. I'm not good with feeling content. Bad things tend to happen when I start feeling at ease (which is completely illogical, I know there's no actual corellation, but it sure feels that way). I'm at the point where I feel I could start letting my guard down a bit and that somehow triggers the opposite reaction, like a defense mechanism. Being content (or in a situation where I should be) makes me feel on edge and restless. I don't trust contentment.
Argh! Dear messed-up-ness, can't I just enjoy it while it lasts?!
Hope all of you are doing well!
And that's where the weirdness starts. I'm not good with feeling content. Bad things tend to happen when I start feeling at ease (which is completely illogical, I know there's no actual corellation, but it sure feels that way). I'm at the point where I feel I could start letting my guard down a bit and that somehow triggers the opposite reaction, like a defense mechanism. Being content (or in a situation where I should be) makes me feel on edge and restless. I don't trust contentment.
Argh! Dear messed-up-ness, can't I just enjoy it while it lasts?!
Hope all of you are doing well!
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I did the dumbest thing today. I charged my earbuds, unplugged the block and put the block in my little bag instead of the earbuds. I wasn't happy about that when I got to the gym. What a dummy!
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Ever since I stopped doing therapy because of insurance, I've been feeling that old tense and irritable sense of anxiety and stress. I hate that. I was making so many strides and changes during therapy, my therapist would acknowledge all of my progress and accomplishments, and I miss that reassurance. Today I thought about it, and I made those changes! She would always tell me that I chose to...
Few thoughts for you to chew on.
Adrenaline addiction. Our bodies crave adrenaline and we get use to having these rushes of adrenaline everyday. When we are not all stressed out and ptsd'd out the adrenaline drops off. We need our fix so the mind starts looking for something that can cause a fight or flight response. Could this uneasy feeling of something bad is going to happen be your mind trying to get its adrenaline fix?
Bad is good. We get so use to feeling bad that feeling good is not a good feeling. It is not a normal feeling. Much like a battered wife will return to her abuser, we will continue to return to feeling bad. It has become our new comfort zone, our new normal. Could this be your source of uneasiness?
Go easy on your and try to anchor the good feels you are having so you know what that feels like. It has likely been a while or these good feeling have been few and far between.
((HUGS))
Also, no idea your exact history, but in my childhood? It never did last. Ergo, I'm trained in body and mind to expect *bad* to occur without much warning, if any. Letting down that hypervigilance to mere "vigilance" is so difficult for me! I won't say I look for trouble, but I assume it's there and just about to jump on me. Then small things in life (like my heat pump needing a repair) become "huge" b/c I only know "crisis" reacting. Did that make sense?
In any case.... Gentle support, and breathe breathe breathe :-)
Few thoughts for you to chew on.
Adrenaline addiction. Our bodies crave adrenaline and we get use to having these rushes of adrenaline everyday. When we are not all stressed out and ptsd'd out the adrenaline drops off. We need our fix so the mind starts looking for something that can cause a fight or flight response. Could this uneasy feeling of something bad is going to happen be your mind trying to get its adrenaline fix?
Bad is good. We get so use to feeling bad that feeling good is not a good feeling. It is not a normal feeling. Much like a battered wife will return to her abuser, we will continue to return to feeling bad. It has become our new comfort zone, our new normal. Could this be your source of uneasiness?
Go easy on your and try to anchor the good feels you are having so you know what that feels like. It has likely been a while or these good feeling have been few and far between.
((HUGS))
Other times I think I am just a chaos junkie. Peace and quiet are alien to my base conditioning. How do you cope with all that serenity? Is this all there is?
Either way, I treat it like a symptom and ply therapy tools instead of justifications.
Continued support while you sort your own, Neo.