The isolation and the way the water blocks out background noise, may be creating a blank slate for your mind to replay thoughts/memories that are more easily blocked out when you have more external sensory stimulus.

It may be more important that you are having these memories then when/where you are having them. You don't mention what you are doing to help process your trauma, but obviously your mind is trying to unburden itself.

I used to sob when I was alone in the car commuting on the freeway. It was the safe bubble where my psyche would let loose. This was OK, but what I also needed was therapeutic support that I stalled off getting. Am glad I eventually got support to gain perspective.

I hope you are able to find some expert help in processing your painful memories.

Hugs to you.

Maybe cause in the shower, is one of the only places you are truly alone, and truly yourself. there are no distractions... no tv, no computer... and your mind runs freely and you see all that you hide from yourself.

My own PTSD caused full amnesia of my entire childhood. An especially severe reaction. I consciously fought the return of those memories for allot of years, until the fight with my own memories was causing me to lose touch with reality all together.

By the time I stopped fighting and let my memory processes fulfill their mysteries, the original memories were greatly complicated by all the years, delusions and scars of my own internal warfare. I was triggering as much - possibly more - from my self-imposed warfare habits as from the original stimulus.

My personal route through the madness was to learn how to trust my own mind to lead me to the source. I have been working the process for around a quarter century. It remains uncertain, but some days I think I can even trust my mind with confidence.

Please note I made no speculation on your trigger. I believe this process makes us EXTREMELY vulnerable to the power of suggestion. It is already treacherous enough without having to sort through newly planted suggestions as well.

May you find the courage to go wherever it leads you. Only you can know.

If I was worried about flashbacks in the shower, I would charge my laptop and set it somewhere in the bathroom away from the shower and water. I would put on a tv show or something similar and play it really loud so you can hear it over the water. Anything really, even just a podcast or something.

Thats actually my strategy for most of the time. Even if Im not totally paying attention to it, it takes up that empty space in my mind that would otherwise be repeating tapes and exploring things I dont want to without my permission.

Just an idea.

I hope you find relief soon!

After surviving multiple molestations as a kid, my body image was affected. Disrobing in general could be an ordeal I had to think myself through step by step. In my own privacy alone in my own shower. In the locker room in gym class at school. At the doctor's office. Wearing nothing more than a bathing suit at the swimming pool or the beach (I grew up 4 blocks from the ocean, so it came up).

My father was a violent abuser, not a sexual abuser, so I was never comfortable when he touched me even when it wasn't it anger. But after surviving molestation I could handle his touch less.

I was married for 16 years and think I did pretty well with this in the intimacy of marriage. But since I wasn't married to a PTSD survivor, I never got the sense my partner "got it." I think partners I had were more inclined to think I was resistant to their ability to make it all better if I would just let them fix me. If only it were that simple.

I really feel finally understood here. Even more than when I've talked about it in therapy. So thanks for posting about this.