Trying to visit and keep up with my recovery from issues and what’s going on in my life right now is a lot. I could have called my sponsor while everyone left and kid that stayed was sleeping but I journaled instead. 

I’m constantly listening and thinking about them as if I’m watching us on a tv show. What are they like now? Can I get clues as to what made them the way they were once upon a time? 

I’m dodging judgmental moments with ease. I wipe kids faces/bodies after they finish a meal. My littlest especially won’t keep eating if we are messing with her. Oldest is fairly good at cleaning himself up. I’m encouraging the independence. I let them bring a lot of toys. When my cousins were young they were only allowed to bring one toy each. This statement wasn’t said with judgement but I recognized the difference and didn’t question myself. This is Los first big trip without her Daddy. I want her as comfortable as possible. And I’m not toting them around every day. We are here to visit. Saw a store today that's the only one like it in the country. Pretty cool. We’ll hang out here tomorrow and tour an exhibit Thursday. Nothing fancy, just visiting each other. Nothing to wear them out. Otherwise the trip home will be more than miserable. So my schedule is planned around them. I’m comfortable with that. If there was something one of us were dying to see, we’d go and I’d wear them out but we are just here bc it’s a central location. Planning my schedule around there’s is helping all of us lol

just needed to say it’s alwaay weird to be around family. I’m feeling like I’ll never have a connection, but I am enjoying them as they enjoy the toddler love and I do enjoy their company even without the connection.