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I have been experiencing a series of anger responses. In particular, the anger is manipulative old men in general. The young-at-zipper variety in particular. Anger can be dangerous enough that it is easy to view it as "bad," "toxic" or pick your term. I have been trying to talk myself out of it and have only succeeded in suppressing it to the point where it is beginning to project at all over 50 men. I know too many wise and wonderful men over 50 to want that trend to continue. My usual anger channeling efforts are not working. A desperation to do away with it has been creeping over me.
I find myself reviewing VA therapy from the 90s which was based on acceptance. Some anger is justified and validating it as justifiable anger can help to keep it focused and make it possible to make rational decisions on what to do with it.
This root of this particular round is still the FIL. My husband and sons are devastated by his growing meanness and manipulations. What we are when we are young, we are more so when we are older? I am getting tired of drying their tears. The brother, cousins and SIL are looking ever more like strangers on the other side of an aging ego. We are losing hope that the fragile relationships between the two branches will survive the FILs private five star nursing home management. Sometimes life just hurts, but sometimes you just have to cut your losses and say, "Enough." He has his employees. He doesn't need us. Time to write him off and just pray for great-grandmother? Time to mount a rescue mission to get great-grandmother out of there?
Great-grandmother as we knew her would NEVER have approved of the stable of employees. She was muchly a prideful one-woman show. The employees are purely the FIL's servants and he seems to be steadily acquiring more. Time to look in to incompetency proceedings? When we attempt to visit with great-grandmother, she grows agitated and one of the employees chases us out of the room. She cannot speak intelligibly, but we have long been wondering if she is asking to be rescued.
Just sorting...
I find myself reviewing VA therapy from the 90s which was based on acceptance. Some anger is justified and validating it as justifiable anger can help to keep it focused and make it possible to make rational decisions on what to do with it.
This root of this particular round is still the FIL. My husband and sons are devastated by his growing meanness and manipulations. What we are when we are young, we are more so when we are older? I am getting tired of drying their tears. The brother, cousins and SIL are looking ever more like strangers on the other side of an aging ego. We are losing hope that the fragile relationships between the two branches will survive the FILs private five star nursing home management. Sometimes life just hurts, but sometimes you just have to cut your losses and say, "Enough." He has his employees. He doesn't need us. Time to write him off and just pray for great-grandmother? Time to mount a rescue mission to get great-grandmother out of there?
Great-grandmother as we knew her would NEVER have approved of the stable of employees. She was muchly a prideful one-woman show. The employees are purely the FIL's servants and he seems to be steadily acquiring more. Time to look in to incompetency proceedings? When we attempt to visit with great-grandmother, she grows agitated and one of the employees chases us out of the room. She cannot speak intelligibly, but we have long been wondering if she is asking to be rescued.
Just sorting...
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I did the dumbest thing today. I charged my earbuds, unplugged the block and put the block in my little bag instead of the earbuds. I wasn't happy about that when I got to the gym. What a dummy!
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Ever since I stopped doing therapy because of insurance, I've been feeling that old tense and irritable sense of anxiety and stress. I hate that. I was making so many strides and changes during therapy, my therapist would acknowledge all of my progress and accomplishments, and I miss that reassurance. Today I thought about it, and I made those changes! She would always tell me that I chose to...
In the domestic arena, nobody has EVER been confident of his decisions. Stereotypical Texas redneck, no matter how fancy the suit. In the business arena, his divisional shield makes it hard to be know one way or the other. The clues currently trickling through the cracks are not looking good. His growing staff is ALL domestic... Some days we think he has hired a harem of self-serving replacement wives. On the best days, we are clueless what to call them, much less how to approach them.
i guess the question of what to do for greatgrandmother is up to her children. And maybe get social services involved to judge why she is agitated when you come. is it because she wants you to leave because of FIL being meaner if you visit her or what?
i would advise looking into incompetency just based on the way you describe his behavior in hiring more and more domestics. it reminds me of a hoarder, only he is hoarding people?
i dunno, taliing out my tailpipe here, but if my dads fam had been more i terested in doing right than a united clan, i would not be out the only uncle on that side i ever could abide. So i tend to go right to the worst case scenario.
What about filing assault charges for his verbal abuse? or report the do,estics as suspicious? eg as possibly taking advantage of or abusing elderly? is taht beyond possible?
i would say, cut ties, cry nuff!!, as i did.... but my dads fam made it easy. i did ot want to maintai ties and do not miss them. your situation is different, so.... supportive vibes and e peace of bees upon you
My personal heart's desire is for an all-inclusive objective evaluation of the situation. His employees feel ever more like the armed guards at the desk of his former corporate offices in downtown Houston. They are not there to unite or share information. They are there to serve The Boss and maintain the status quo. But... I just the daughter-in-law with 34 years of training to MYOB. (mind your own business.) That one hasn't been too tough for me. My MYOB training is literally military grade. US Army Signal Corps. Still... How to stand fast while drying the tears of sons was not included in that training.