One of my signals that another memory block has come down is when the "pressure centers" in my skull let up. I woke this morning able to remember freely when my brother and I spent countless hours in the barns of the nearly to being condemned farm houses, tinkering with the vast array of machinery that gets left behind when farms grow up to be investment properties. These were happy memories. My brother and I had something approaching "twin speak" where words were not necessary in order for us to communicate. The last several "remembrance episodes" I have been through have uncovered happy or at least beneficial memories. Those gems lost in the mindslides of the traumatic memories.

With my mind thusly calmed, I was able to approach my tool box without the the dissociation which has been crippling me recently. The tractor is still not fixed, but the diagnostics have ruled out several possibilities. Alas, nothing in life seems to do away with the "damn it factor." C'est le vie.

Speaking of farms that grow up to be investment properties... The FIL has settled on a price for this investment property. The hives will need a new home soon, hopefully, whether the FIL settles, or not. I don't wanna play his control games no more. I wanna be away from the boom stresses of Texas and the depression of watching yet another small town boom into a rushing city full of people who do not call it home. There is a big ol' world out there. I am thinking, "Anywhere but here." Hubs and I are near enough retirement that I am thinking to sell at boom town prices and buying in one of the depressed economies the folks immigrating to Texas are abandoning. Hubby is a 4th generation Texan. He is not so sure...