Well' got the answer I was not looking for? My Doctor whom gained my trust had his P.A. Dismiss me as a patient and acknowledged this is beyond the surgical talents of my Surgeon! I was given a referral to another specialist working with the hinged knee replacement revision procedures! At a loss for words as to why after two years my Surgeon would not step in the room today to say he tried or why he felt after a year to not do a personal follow up on his knee replacement revision he performed! 

 yet he sent his P.A. instead! How much  I believed in my surgeon to help better my life and just ended up letting my guard down and my emotions exposed to be hurt deeply today! The happy pills never stopped the constant crying and feeling of wanting to vomit, while asking  the P.A. how could they leave me like this? 

I had that feeling another doctor was giving up on me , yet Alone again in my despair and anguish i will always be crawling out of the trenches to only be dragged back down and forgotton!  Think I will go fishing and contemplate 'Life'  and my self worth!