So lunch with my mom actually went well.. no yelling, no degrading, no ill feelings, we just talked.
The one thing that she said that stuck out to me was when she asked me "why in middle school I decided that i didn't deserve to live life anymore"
how am I supposed to respond to that? I don't know why I decided that. I didn't know I did it. I don't feel like I deserve much. I don't know why it's just always there in the back of my mind.
She also told me that this isn't the life my Mimi would have wanted for me.. I know that deep down, but I'm not ready to stop grieving if I ever even started in the first place..
why did I decide to stop living... I know I'd rather not exist at all, but I'm here living just not the way I should. I'm 23 years old and I am not doing anything but school an work. I don't have much to my name... but here I am.
Yep, a good day all around~ helped dad do Christmas lights on his tree he's building for my mom, made dinner in my downtime and even got it all cleaned up. I feel rather accomplished. I figure if I work through the moments I have in reguards to my grandma passing then I'll still be able to grieve but it won't consume me. Tomorrow, in light of the Christmas spirit among us and the idea that we...
I am feeling rather rejected and disappointed tonight. Since I got PTSD I have not been able to successfully return to work. I have been fired from so many jobs that I just gave up. Stupid me heard that employers are crying for workers and their is a huge demand, so I thought I would give it another try. I have lowered expectations and have been applying retail jobs, one was...