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So lunch with my mom actually went well.. no yelling, no degrading, no ill feelings, we just talked.
The one thing that she said that stuck out to me was when she asked me "why in middle school I decided that i didn't deserve to live life anymore"
how am I supposed to respond to that? I don't know why I decided that. I didn't know I did it. I don't feel like I deserve much. I don't know why it's just always there in the back of my mind.
She also told me that this isn't the life my Mimi would have wanted for me.. I know that deep down, but I'm not ready to stop grieving if I ever even started in the first place..
why did I decide to stop living... I know I'd rather not exist at all, but I'm here living just not the way I should. I'm 23 years old and I am not doing anything but school an work. I don't have much to my name... but here I am.
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I did the dumbest thing today. I charged my earbuds, unplugged the block and put the block in my little bag instead of the earbuds. I wasn't happy about that when I got to the gym. What a dummy!
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Ever since I stopped doing therapy because of insurance, I've been feeling that old tense and irritable sense of anxiety and stress. I hate that. I was making so many strides and changes during therapy, my therapist would acknowledge all of my progress and accomplishments, and I miss that reassurance. Today I thought about it, and I made those changes! She would always tell me that I chose to...
you don't say when you lost mimi, but? ? ? could there be a connection between that and your "decision" to stop living? repressed grief can be a powerful cause of dissociation. just wondering. . . it remains yours to sort.
continued support while you sort.
I lost my Mimi in 2008, I was quite young, I was only 10… It was the worst time of my life and it kinda all went down hill from there..
could there be a connection between unprocessed grief and your reluctance to live life to its fullest?
finding and proactively processing repressed emotions might be the most important skill i have learned in psychotherapy, both pro and peer. it makes a HUGE diff in my emotional and social stability.
A more stable snapshot of who we are is to be taken in elementary school before it or in high school and college after it. It's not expected for youths to make life decisions in middle school with so much in flux.
That kind of makes the question more about the person who posed it than the person who was asked it. I would take it with a grain of salt as such, kaylab.