Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.
My morning meditations are still so noisy that I feel like a hypocrite calling it, "meditation." I am going with the theory that reaching that noise and healing it is, perhaps, the most important goal of meditation. Go with it. Use it.
The images flashing before me are still kaleidoscoping down the "Psycho Mirrors" theme. Those ex-friends, passers-by, etc., who illustrated for me what I look like when I am sliding down the proverbial rabbit hole to psychotic break.
Rage is one of my tougher demons. Naturally? My hyper-active metabolism springs more easily into combat mode than meditative mode. The Kiddie Whore Houses I was raised in provide plenty of understandable anger. Augmented by my hyper-active metabolism and envied physical condition, my anger turbo charges into rage as easily as a barrel accelerates over Igazu Falls ( http://www.the-sojourn.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/52/2015/02/foz.jpg ).
However understandable and/or in need of expression, rage is seldom appropriate. I have coped by channeling it. My favorite part of being over sixty is that the chemical charges are finally softening as my physical condition becomes less enviable. I think. I pray. There are still plenty of other ways to cut and dice. . . Age has also given me a stronger understanding of those alternate cut and dice methods.
Sigh. . . WHERE IS MY CURE!!!!
Still sorting. . . Thanks again for the sort space.
The images flashing before me are still kaleidoscoping down the "Psycho Mirrors" theme. Those ex-friends, passers-by, etc., who illustrated for me what I look like when I am sliding down the proverbial rabbit hole to psychotic break.
Rage is one of my tougher demons. Naturally? My hyper-active metabolism springs more easily into combat mode than meditative mode. The Kiddie Whore Houses I was raised in provide plenty of understandable anger. Augmented by my hyper-active metabolism and envied physical condition, my anger turbo charges into rage as easily as a barrel accelerates over Igazu Falls ( http://www.the-sojourn.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/52/2015/02/foz.jpg ).
However understandable and/or in need of expression, rage is seldom appropriate. I have coped by channeling it. My favorite part of being over sixty is that the chemical charges are finally softening as my physical condition becomes less enviable. I think. I pray. There are still plenty of other ways to cut and dice. . . Age has also given me a stronger understanding of those alternate cut and dice methods.
Sigh. . . WHERE IS MY CURE!!!!
Still sorting. . . Thanks again for the sort space.
-
I did the dumbest thing today. I charged my earbuds, unplugged the block and put the block in my little bag instead of the earbuds. I wasn't happy about that when I got to the gym. What a dummy!
-
Ever since I stopped doing therapy because of insurance, I've been feeling that old tense and irritable sense of anxiety and stress. I hate that. I was making so many strides and changes during therapy, my therapist would acknowledge all of my progress and accomplishments, and I miss that reassurance. Today I thought about it, and I made those changes! She would always tell me that I chose to...
I meditated for over twenty years for an hour a day, I think that it kept my trauma hidden for 53 years, although I didn't get flashbacks I did get the rage and tears and sometimes trembling.
Now that I have an awareness of the trauma, for over a year now, I am afraid to meditate but my gut says do it, so I am going to start, thank you
Rage is not acceptable by women, I have had it many times and it bubbles to the surface so quickly it scares me. I have found throwing TV converters that don't work properly a great release, harmless too other than the expense. I think I have done that 3 times in my life, once I flung a plate across the kitchen Never hurt anyone but it also comes with shame afterwords.
I can't undo the past and it has left scars and pain I will always be in, they are part of my emotional being as well. I think this has come home to me when the loss of John, the break in my arm and the loss of my home we made were so close.
I have to learn to live with those effects that nothing I could ever do or anyone could ever do would "heal" those away. They are what they are.
Life is not as rosy for me,as many I see, but I am here. If I give into the worst of my inner rage ideations to fix it, then I would not be.I would use the rage on me.
I looked at the image you posted and my first thought was " That would be the place I couldn't fail as I did at the dam." Then I have to get past that to remember that I am not yet ready to throw in the towel again yet, not today.
Partly because people still can make me think about these subjects as you have.
Gentle hugs as you sort.
Jewell
Just a pearl of wisdom thrown your way about how rage sometimes might be our job rather than considering it a character defect all the time.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gDPCOjRVP_o
http://www.musica.com/letras.asp?letra=848809
la rabia simple del hombre silvestre,
la rabia bomba la rabia de muerte,
la rabia imperio asesino de nios,
la rabia se me ha podrido el cario,
la rabia madre por dios tengo fro,
la rabia es mo eso es mo, slo mo,
la rabia bebo pero no me mojo,
la rabia miedo a perder el manojo,
la rabia hijo zapato de tierra,
la rabia dame o te hago la guerra,
la rabia todo tiene su momento,
la rabia el grito se lo lleva el viento,
la rabia el oro sobre la conciencia,
la rabia coo paciencia paciencia.
La rabia es mi vocacin.
I don't know any men I'd care to shake hands with who endorse rage, either. One of the quietest sub-groups I seem to attract are battered husbands and male rape victims. I list their plight as the greatest social injustice in the U.S. today. Where did I put my neon soap box and spiffy spandex costume? . ? . ?
Beehaving now. . .
Jewells, thank you for the gentle insights on acceptance. It remains an important study for me. Perhaps the most important of my personal recovery.
How I envy your ability to suppress that rage. When mine erupted in my late teens, it was far too great to stuff back into the box. Or. . . Maybe back to the Igazu Falls analogy? No stuffing the waterfalls back into the Igazu River. I would stuff my rage if I could, but. . . Back to the gentle insights on acceptance.
Muji, I am hearing a phrase among Spanish speakers more and more often here in Texas where Latinos are a clear, runaway majority: The Latino Revolution philosophies are creating some ugly and violent politics when mixed with the local gang activity which is a serious plague in the Barrios and Colonias of Texas.
Still enjoyed the Silvio Rodriguez link, though. He even makes rage sound pretty.
My plans were good before, but things got in the way, that shouldn't have been there. So I am here still. But I have more daily pain for it. Since the whatever's seem to be one up on me, is it worth the additional pain to give in again and survive again. My luck is I will break more bones, but survive in more pain.
Not right now, new tactics in play.
Inside my strictly personal rage issues, I still don't believe I was offered a choice. I don't remember putting in any special requests to have the extra rations of rage bubbling painfully through my being. Given my druthers, I would rather have diabetes or cancer. Rage is as painful on the inside as it is on the outside.
The good news being that channeling it keeps me in enviable physical condition. Keeps me kick boxer buff. . . albeit, the 60+ version these days.