Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group
Find support with others who have gone through a traumatic experience. Whether you have chronic or acute PTSD, we are here for you.
i HAVE BEEN PUNCHING MYSELF IN THE HEAD. WHY? i AM NOT SURE. i GUESS IT MAKES ME FEEL iT MAKES ME FEEL PAIN AND i KNOW I AM ALIVE.. iT IS A WAY OF TELLING i AM A LIVE. i FEEL THE PAIN, i FEEL. iT MAKES ME FEEL PRESENT. i AM NOT SURE WHY i FELT i NEEDED TO DRINK TONGIHT BUT i GUESS IT WAS A WAY TO NUMB THE PAIN. BUT IT DID NOT WORK. THE PAIN IS STILL THERE
i LEARNED AT CLASS THE OTHER NIGHT THAT PEOPLE WITH MENTAL ILLNESS NEED TO HAVE A PURPOSE IN LIVE. i THINK THAT IS TRUE. i HAVE NO PURPOSE IN LIVE. i NO LONGER SAVE LIVES, MY KIDS HAVE GROWN, MY HUSBAND NO LONGER NEEDS ME AND i HAVE NO PURPOSE IN LIVE. nO ONE NEEDS ME ANYMORE. MY KDS HAVE GROWN, MY HUSBAND IS NO LONGER INTERESTED IN SEX WITH ME BECAUSE i AM UGLY, FAT AND OVER THE HILL..
i CANNOT HELP PEOPLE WITH MENTAL ILLNESS BECAUSE i DO NOT HAVE A MASTERS DEGREE THEREFORE i KNOW SHIT. i AM NO LONGER NEEDED, WANTED, OR APPRECIATED. i CANNOT HOLD A JOB BECAUSE SOME HOW i GOT LEFT BEHIND IN THE WORD. i DO NOT BELONG ANY WHERE....i AM USELES, UNWAMTED. i AM AN OLD WOMAN WITH NO VALUE.
jUST TOOK THE LAST SWIG OF BOOZE. i CANNOT SEE STRAIGHT...HAVE TO CLOSE ONE EYE. i HATE MYSELF. i HATE IT, i HATE LIFE. WHY DO i HAVE TO PUT UP WITH THIS PAIN. i WANT PEACE. NO ONE REALLY CARE. THERAPIST PRETEND TO BE YOUR FRIEND TO GET YOU TO OPEN UP, BUT THEY DO NOT CARE. i LEARNED FROM MY PHONE LINE SUPPORT. A THERAPIST WHO WAS A VOLUNTEER ON THE SUPPORT LINE REFERED TO USE AS "THESE PEOPLE". NO ONE CARE. THE SUPPORT LINE IS ALL ABOUT GETTING THESE PEOPLE OFF THE LINE. I AM A THESE PEOPLE....i WANT SOME ONE ON THE LINE WHO ACTUALLY CARES.
iT IS ALL ABOUT THE MONEY...FUCK THE PEOPLE WHO ARE ILL...THEY ARE JUST $$ AND FUNDING. i HATE NO ONE ACTUALLY GIVES A SHIT ABOUT US. WE ARE JUST $$ TO THE CAUSE.
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I'm alive, I'm sleeping like a rock, and for some reason I wanted cherry juice so that seems to be helping. (??? Weirdo that I am.)***Infamous therapies over history:1. The Attic. The madwoman in the attic is a motif in literature going waaaaaay back: the nutty female relative is locked in the attic. (See: Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte for a grotesquely racist version of it, and Charlotte Perkins...
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Hey all, i know its been quite awhile since i posted on here. Its been a summer all right. Its been something else........... You know how they say not to open the can of worms? Well a few months ago i decided to find out what my due date would have been for my first baby, the one conceived by r***. My baby would have been due on March 4th of 2006. They would be 20 years old. I was R**** on June...
But you're not to me. I care.
I remember when my daughter was 3. She was dancing to some music. Happiness radiated from every cell in her body. I remember thinking.."that's IT". That's what everyone wants. That's what everyone drinking, everyone doing drugs, everyone seeks in life. And then she rested in my arms and she radiated Perfect Peace.
That is what I wish for you. I wish you the peace my daughter found in my arms that night. I wish you to feel the shivers of happiness your existence brings someone. My daughter's not "special". She's not "beautiful". Her nose is crooked. She's not especially talented. She's neither the smartest, nor the hardest working. What she is is teflon. It's literally impossible to insult her. Even when she was 3 if I said no to a cookie, she'd walk away saying "that's okay, I didn't want one anyway"...and Mean it.
You're no less special than my daughter. If you have no value, she has no value, I have no value. I care because you're here. I care because you were 3 just like my daughter. I have no idea if this helps...whatever...I care anyway.
Oh yeah, and at 3...my daughter had no "purpose". I think that whole idea is BS. Great if it works for you, but definitely not necessary for happiness.
Patti
Continued support while you recover.