Background: http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Post-Traumatic_Stress_Disorder/forum/21578031-tw-being-supportive

Eldest son (36) is still in his rapid cycle. About 3 months by the mom-sense measure. Been a long, strange one. The strangest difference being the dialogue in "The 20 Foot Circle." I reckon that one needs some explaining. "The 20 Foot Circle" started as a joke within hubby's geezer softball team, way back when they were all still young enough to use the word "geezer" to mean, "College Graduate." The real goal of his team was reaching the beer cooler which awaited the end of the official game. Leaving the sport made you fair game in the "20 Foot Circle." The remaining team members were free to say whatever they wanted about you as soon as you were 20 feet away. Kinda fun in the hands of socializing wordsmiths. The team was founded out of the English Department which awarded hubs his bachelor's degree. There are some gifted AND developed wordsmiths on that team. Eldest son was a toddler back then. Indisputably a child by anyone's measure.

In the decades since, "The 20 Foot Circle" has gently evolved to include the family discussions of whoever is currently in need of help. A far more tender circle than beer sharing wordsmiths after a clearly defined game. I remain nothing short of appalled at the way my in-laws used their 20 Foot Circle to "be supportive" of the Huntington's stricken members of their family. Triple Howl Ouch. The family tradition was not any kinder to any of the other family dysfunctions, either. I wish my hearing handicap was severe enough to have missed hearing what they think of my hearing problems.

Eldest son (36) checked himself into a hospital this week. Not the first time. To my weary, senior brain, this is just the "Help Seeking Denial" phase of the cycle he has been riding since the onset of his Narcolepsy in Junior High School. So far he has ended each round with solid faith that all the available options are fatally flawed. "Toxic Fill-in-the-Blank" is the catch phrase for this round. My strictly personal mantra of, "It is not the subject, it is the cycle" seems to have caught on throughout the 20 Foot Circle. No one is trying to talk him out of the subject. The focus seems to have shifted to supporting him through the cycle.

Hubs has spear-headed the professional networking which guided him to his current hospital admission. Another first. I have tackled all the previous rounds while deliberately avoiding knowledge of what was being said in the 20 Foot Circle. In this go-round, I have been working to just "stay out of God's Way." I have been channeling as much of my anxiety as possible into my "Guit-chi." The tones have been harsh, the beats have been rowdy. My manic broadcasts have been leaking through, despite my best channeling. Just leaking, though. I pray. Hard to self-evaluate at times.

Youngest son, 32, has been pro-actively bringing forward the therapy thread he and I have worked since our court-ordered yaddahs during his time in the juvenile justice system back in the 90's. Eldest son has even asked for the style of support Youngest son received during his last hospital stay for paranoid schizophrenia. I am babbling, "We can do that" in every language at my disposal, while reminding myself that I only have one, little vote in the 20 Foot Circle.

Still sorting. . . Thanks again for the sort space. I am letting God lead the just-a-patient dance. Support needed. Feeling fragile.