So, this is probably gonna sound a little crazy, but here goes...nearly one year ago to the day, my daughter's father filed a restraining order against me with all these accusations of drug use, me not getting out of bed, me not wanting anything to do with our daughter, etc. Back up about 6 months and he told his job he had cancer because he's bipolar and couldn't manage to get out of bed to go to work. They fired him when he couldn't get anyone to fill out his FMLA paperwork to support his claim of cancer (which he didn't and doesn't have). I started working, paying all the bills while he laid around on his ass and didn't get out of bed unless he was going to the bar. It was rough. Then I get a new car and the brakes are much softer on the new models than the older ones. I was in an fender bender right after I got the new car. I felt like something was wrong and had been asking him to take me to the ER and he kept telling me no because we "couldn't afford it", so I asked him to go for me since he had Medicaid at the time. (I know...I know...I don't need a lecture on ANY of that, thanks.) He omitted the surrounding texts in that conversation and submitted only that statement, saying that I had a problem with pain pills. I went though all kinds of drug testing...urine, saliva, hair, nails. I was to the point that I was waiting for them to ask that I decapitate myself so they could check that too.  During that entire time, the only one of us who failed any kind of test was him. Like I said earlier, he's bipolar. He hadn't been on meds for a while because we couldn't afford it. Finally, shortly before the court initiation, I had started paying cash pay for his psych appointments to get his meds and then paying cash for his meds. I'm a nurse. We couldn't afford to get all of his meds. (The mood stabilizers were too expensive.) I knew it was a risky call, but we went ahead and got his antidepressants filled and hoped for the best. He went manic, finally got a job again, and that's when he started the court stuff. I had been telling him for weeks before this that if he didn't start putting his family first, and stop making the bar his priority, that I was going to leave. 

Anyway, when he took my daughter, it triggered me horribly. I completely lost it. Our first court hearing, I found out that they had my cousin come in to testify. I listened to 3 hours of slander from him and my cousin, who I had told wouldn't be around my kids anymore because of their drug use and drama. She's the one who ended up getting my daughter when he was working. She tried to steal my kid by committing perjury. (Stupid bitch will never be in mine or my kids lives again. It's in our court orders now that she and her husband are not allowed around my daughter.) 

So...it was so hard for me to deal with all of this. I couldn't bring myself to be completely mad at him because I could see the bipolar episode going on and I could see him being taken advantage of by the attorneys he hired. I was just worried to death about my daughter and him. I knew that once his meds kicked in correctly, he'd realize what he'd done and regret it. And he did, right about the time it takes for psych meds to take full effect. We managed to pull out of court on an agreement we both came to on our own. 

We're kind of back together now. I say kind of because I don't really know what we are. We spend most of our time together, we spend the night with one another. We do things as a family. We have sex. Etc. We tried counseling, but we got into an argument and stopped that. He's still going to the bar once a week to play pool, and I'm back to being stuck at the house with the kids all the time unless I'm working. I love my kids but sometimes I hate not being able to do anything and I resent him for SO many reasons, but most directly for going out, regardless of our finances, because I want to have friends and freedom too and I don't. I don't really know why I'm posting this, or what I expect to get from anyone, but if anyone has anything to say, I'll listen. Thanks.