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TW mentally went down to basement

cjpfaz
cjpfaz
My therapist and I knew I was imon the verve of memories yesterday, but we did not know what of. I had two memories. The second one was oneone I could never get to althrough I knew something was there. Last evening I went down to that basement with my brother and neighbor boy and I was young. Thetre the oldet boy and his older boy raped.and molested.me that night and not sure if bother joined in or just got off watching. This was one of the strongest momories it specially body memory. Felt and feels like I just raped. Shower last night helped some.
cjpfaz
cjpfaz
Sorry about mistakes phone does not seem to let u see what u type easy..
Rizen
Rizen
That sounds very traumatic :( Sorry that happened to you.
LeoX3
LeoX3
Oh man, CJP, that is how my memories can hit me---went through it this past weekend, got a full-body hit of something that was not abusive per se but tumbled me into the avalanche of associated incidents and....

Gentlest healing hopes to you.
lovesmama
lovesmama
I'm so sorry for your flashback I know how hard it is to have stuff like that hit you so hard you feel it in your body...!!! Safe gentel hugs to you...!!! Make sure you do something nice for yourself!!!
arfie
arfie
Be gentle with the process, cj. I am not sure I am ever more vulnerable to power of suggestion than I am while a memory block is coming down.

May the price you are paying now return the investment in healing relief.

Easy does it. Take as many showers as you need. Maybe a nice long soak and candlelight with soft music? Take extra good care of yourself.
cjpfaz
cjpfaz
I know now that the brothers were having a brunch of friends over and partying. I was the main attraction. The room was full of guys who raped me. My childhood never seems to end. Just when I think it cannot get worse, another layer gets pulled back. Excuse my French but it is fucked up what three sets of parents can snowball into.
LeoX3
LeoX3
CJ, my two bits' worth here... that situation is a profanation of childhood. Be as profane as you need to express it. I get that way too and am learning to be okay if the F-bomb slips out---because with me, it's usually something that deserves to be described in profane language. IMHO only, of course.
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