Amigo, I've cried and thrown up in public, and needed to be taken away by ambulance. I can't feel your trauma, but I can feel that sense of a wrecking ball hitting your reality out of nowhere, hitting things too deep for words. ((((((((((((MUJI)))))))))))))

If you cried on purpose, it would be called, "Acting."

Steadying support while you reclaim your daily walk. I'm not even a war survivor and found the protests disturbing in South America. The only thing that frightens me more than a crowd is an angry crowd and Hispanic America does seem to be chock full of those.

Just curious. . . Is this the incident of which you speak?
https://www.bbc.com/news/world-latin-america-57498250

Muji,

I am sorry that you ran into that, and how it triggered your PTSD. Crying isn't a bad thing, hopefully today you can run freely without the pain from the past.

Much love, Kayla

I’m just impressed how you turned your past trauma into helping others. I wish I could say the same.

Big hug Muji...... I agree that you've turned your suffering into helping others...... I am so sorry that you were badly triggered.... xo

Thanks, everybody, it's so nice you give me permission for tears. My issue with it goes back [TRIGGER WARNING] to the officer who tortured me in South America when I was 15. I did pee my pants when he put his pistol to my head and pulled the trigger twice. But I kept myself from crying through the whole torture session and that ending of it somehow, and for some reason I clung to that as important to my surviving it.

Yes, arfie, that's the exact incident the Mexican students I ran into were protesting. Thanks for checking into it. It looks like it's unfolding here the way it did down in South America in that the disappeared aren't returning alive.

I'm so glad I didn't disappear myself; a passing US citizen who was visiting my neighborhood saw me being tortured on my knees in the street and hollered out that I was a fellow US citizen, too. That's why I think the South American officer torturing me didn't just load the gun and pull the trigger of it a third time to fire a real bullet into my head.

I'm so grateful to that visiting fellow North American guy. He was so innocent, as a newcomer he didn't know about the civil war that had been going on for years, and yet he spoke up so bravely for me and saved my life. In never got to thank him before he took off back to the States again. I hope I get to in a hereafter some way.

I slept 11 hours last night recovering from getting my PTSD triggered last Sunday night when I walked into that protest for Mexican students disappeared by the police here. It usually takes that many days to recover when I've been fully triggered like that. It feels great to recover rested from such an episode, it really does. Thanks for your support in helping me get from the trigger moment on Sunday to feeling recovered from it today on Thursday.

That is a devastating and confusing loss. I don't think crying in public is a weakness, but I understand why you would want to hide it. Our society tells us to. I think crying in public (especially in this moment) shows strength and compassion to these people. Which (if you know the book "the science of compassion") may actually trigger self-compassion in these victims, changing their lives for the better. They're being seen and heard by your reaction. I think you did the right thing. And you can limit feeling shame and just remember those are just thoughts, shame is not the truth, it's an inner critic that is likely manifested from your dad. It's his voice, not yours. You are good Mujica!

It does feel really good to come out a trigger or a trauma cloud (as I've heard it explained) doesn't it? Like coming up for a fresh breathe of air. It's amazing how much awareness you have when you get triggered.

This week I saw the quote, "Awareness is like the sun. When it shines on things, they are transformed". Maybe each time you experience these things they transform, even just slightly. Your compassion for other people is motivating. :) - C

Thanks a million for this validation, Con, and for the share of the resource of that book The Science of Compassion. I'm going to see if I can get it on Kindle to read down here in Mexico.