It must be frightening to have your loved one show such a lack of comprehension.

For what it's worth, sharing about ^it^ within my therapy network is one of the things I do with feelings like this. At worst, the sharing vents the attached emotions a bit. Sometimes the feedback helps me sort through the yaddahs of the blahs.

Continued support while you sort yours, Silver. Be patient with the process. There is nothing easy or justy about it. Healing hopes.

Vent, sort, purring support, Silver. I'd have dumped a glass of water on his head and said, "Oops, you le tme do that".... But I am not always a rational creature. Hugs.

***drums fingers on keyboard*** (((My kids have learned that this means that I'm annoyed and formulating an answer.)))

The "you let" thinking is everywhere. And to me, it's the difference between people who Know and those who Don't.

***not sure whether to hold Leo back, or join her with a pitcher***

Hugs, Patti

what your boy friend said sounds very insensitive. I come across a lot of domestic violence cases at work and yes most of the time people are in the situation for various reasons, it's not easy to just leave, myself included...was terrified w/no place, no money, even had a job and yet was scared...took me a long time to break free...though there was no physical violence, the mental and emotional trauma had a lot to say....do you have someone you can talk to, like a counselor or if you are seeing one, can you communicate your fears. Sending you support and good thoughts...

hugs, Silver

silver, I just answered the same question in a post on the thread I started her on DS PTSD called "Dysfunctional family to family of choice?" Thanks for the post of support you left for me there. The question I just answered there was from a peer member who was surprised I would stay or go back to a family with abuse.

You're not alone. Here's what I wrote back, cut and pasted from over on that thread today.
https://www.dailystrength.org/group/post-traumatic-stress-disorder-ptsd/discussion/dysfunctional-family-to-family-of-choice?page=1

"It's astounding, isn't it? I'm surprised you have to ask, though, because codependency is common among us here who got PTSD from domestic violence.

Here's its official definition:

"Co-dependency is a learned behavior that can be passed down from one
generation to another. It is an emotional and behavioral condition that affects an
individual’s ability to have a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship. It is also
known as “relationship addiction” because people with codependency often form or maintain relationships that are one-sided, emotionally destructive and/or abusive.

The disorder was first identified about ten years ago as the result of years of
studying interpersonal relationships in families of alcoholics."
http://www.mentalhealthamerica.net/co-dependency

As your username includes the word serenity, a term often used in AA and Alanon support groups, that last part of the definition concerning how it was identified in alcoholics may be noteworthy to you.

In my case, I did in fact do what you say and separate from my family of origin at age 30 for many years. You ask why I went back, and it was in search of
"closure," something that's pretty common to look for. I wrote in my initial post that my father was 80. It seemed by that age that if he hadn't changed and I couldn't get "closure," at least he was too old to carry out any more abuse.

He wasn't, obviously, and I got a punch instead of "closure." He didn't pack much of a punch at age 80 like he had when I was a kid. It was still the same old abuse, though, so "closure" or "no closure" I estranged myself from him for good anyway."

Like I said, silver, you're not alone in this. Much support to you.

Thank You so much,Everyone,for your support and validation...

Hugs. Id feel the same as u.x

Thanks,lovelilbeany...

my immediate response is that i don't know your situation at all but i still think it is nearly impossible to leave an abuser who is someone you love. i don't need to know the particulars of your situation. love i think creates disbelief in the dangers of abuse or the existence of abuse or gives the idea that you must weather the storm because of reasons that seem more important that the suffering being felt. why i feel this way might have come from my own situation but i was not in a positon to leave having been a child. though i did choose to go to college out of town. there was something liberating about moving far away. maybe you feel entirely different. i think love is like an investment. you've given something of yourself and even if you are taking a loss - taking a beating, you still are anticipating a positive return.

with all due respect,et....i don't see it like that at all.

muji's description of codependancy definitely fits.

Oh silver I'm so sorry, what an insensitive comment. Ive come from abusive relationships as well & ended up homeless & just well ........ you have all my empathy. Sending support &
(((((((( healing hugs))))))))

Thank You,lilmissy..i'm so sorry you have gone through it all too...

Silver I'm with Muji. I know my first marriage was a reflection of what I was used to, even co dependency...up until the fear killed the love. Then it still took 5 years and help from a friend to get out. The worst months in my state to be living in a car.
Maybe the new guy never seen it first hand, or the extent of the abuse has not been told to him fully. Heck John didn't know the extent fully for five years after we were together, but he just accepted that what ever it was, was enough by my reactions, nightmares and talking about what I would talk about at my pace.
Support.