Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) Support Group

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Triggered and Alone

mjfan14
mjfan14

I was triggered this afternoon and had a panic attack that I'm having a hard time shaking. My father died in my arms 3 and a half years ago from cancer and an old friend that used to hang out with my dad and I texted me this afternoon to say that he misses me and my dad and wishes that they were watching the game together. I felt hapiness at first since I haven't heard from him in months but it moved quickly to sadness. My eyes welled up with tears but I didn't cry. I crammed those emotions back down and tried to carry on. My anxiety gradually increased and I started the negative self talk and doubt. I'm a bad mom, I'm scared to face the work week, my new relationship is bad, I'm a bad daughter . . . my body gave up and started to shake and I started to cry. But I couldn't figure out why. I traced back the start of the anxiety to that text and figured it out. I have friends to talk to but I can't expect them to understand and sometimes it makes me feel worse because I'm afraid that they will think I'm crazy. This really sucks. I'm grateful that I am getting better at identifying triggers and whats going on with me but it doesn't stop the anxiety and panic. I saw a new psychologist yesterday to start EMDR but we don't really get into it until next Saturday and I can NOT wait because I am so desperate for this to stop so I can have a normal life. It feels like the panic attacks and nervous breakdowns are happening more often. Ugh . . .

Community Leadermujicaptsd
mujicaptsd
I've been through 3 periods in my life, once a decade, when my meds and therapy that had kept me stable for years began to stop working and symptoms came on with greater regularity causing panic attacks, the whole array of symptoms. It's very scary. I can say, too, though, that it was temporary. I either went in to the hospital for 4 days or so for a re-start, or managed to re-start as an outpatient.

It seems our body and brain chemistry must change at times, I'm just a patient so I can't explain it, I don't know. I'm just glad you have your psychologist and EMDR ahead, because that's how I got out of each PTSD crash of my own. Stay close so we can accompany you here day by day until Saturday, and then update us on how EMDR goes for you, OK?
jennyoo7
jennyoo7
First off I'm so sorry for your loss, I lost my dad a year ago so I know the emptiness you're feeling and can relate to everything you said. It's not easy. Living on life's terms can suck and sometimes it has to suck bad before it gets better. My history is when it's going really bad I'm open to breakthroughs so maybe this edmr is going to be your golden ticket this time around. I hope so.

For the record, and I have to start believing this too, bad people don't question whether they are good or bad because they don't care. Just some proof you are a good person, mother, daughter. Hugs
mjfan14
mjfan14
Thank you both of you and I will update. Sending love back your way ❤️
arfie
arfie
I've heard lots of rumors that grief is a mysterious process and a powerful trigger, MJ, especially when it runs through a weave as complex as a parent/child relationship. Seems to me the added intimacy of his dying in your arms would intensify the grief considerable. Seems to me. . .

We're here for you, MJ. You are not alone.

Did you text your friend back?
mjfan14
mjfan14
I sure did! Told him we love him and miss him and sent him a picture of my son and I :). Thanks!
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